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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DH is a cunt and I should come before his family?

154 replies

KidsComingOutOfMyEars · 10/04/2011 20:23

Normally I love him to bits although he is quite selfish and annoying but right now I hate his fucking guts.

I had DC4 8 months ago. I suffer from OCD quite badly and had no idea what it was until last year, just thought I was a nutter for years. DC4 was an unplanned surprise (was diagnosed with OCD about 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant!) and my OCD has been haywire during the pregnancy and after. Probably because we are in a mess financially. One of my OCD 'traits' is being terrified about being on my own at night as I worry I will sleepwalk and cause harm to my children. Anyone who knows anything about OCD will know that I would never do this but the thought tortures me.

Anyway DH told me about a month ago that he would be going back 'home' (abroad)for a week as his family needed some help with something - nothing urgent or life or death. His brother could have gone next month but No, DH wanted to go. I have been pleading with him not to go at this time. He went alone 18 months ago when my OCD was not quite as bad so it's not as if he has'nt seen them for years. Could not take the DCs as too expensive.

I have had CBT which has not worked really but am currently on a self help programme to get my mind and body fit. It is working slowly and I wanted his support to keep with it, it has been especially hard because of having just had DC4.

Anyway he has gone (yesterday). I could not force him not to go. He just said, 'stop being silly, you'll be fine'. He also told me to go to my parents but they have gone abroad too (which I did not know about until last week).

So here I am in torture and terrified of how I will cope with the week ahead (DCx3 off school as well).

I want to fucking divorce the bastard for totally not giving a shit about my feelings but I can't as then I will be on my own! AIBU to think that he's a selfish prick?

OP posts:
Original poster
KidsComingOutOfMyEars · 10/04/2011 20:25

I suffer from OCD quite badly and had no idea what it was until last year, just thought I was a nutter for years - not last year - year before.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 10/04/2011 20:26

Maybe he needs a break.

Go to the Doctor.

RedbinD · 10/04/2011 20:27

Bin him.

KidsComingOutOfMyEars · 10/04/2011 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Itberete · 10/04/2011 20:30

sounds like a terrible time, sounds like he has a lack of understanding for the severity of your condition... is there anyone at all that can support you??? neighbours, friends etc?? just to get you through till he is home?

FAB5 · 10/04/2011 20:31

Is it something you could post about on here so we could talk you through it or try and distract you until the problem passes?

scurryfunge · 10/04/2011 20:31

That is not very nice. I have suffered with anxiety in the past and know that I was hard to live with. Your aggression will not make you feel any better. The doctor is the best person to help you if you are not coping at the moment.

K999 · 10/04/2011 20:32

It's not really fair to tell someone to fuck off.

I suggest you try and talk to your DH and explain how you feel. If he still insists on going, could you speak to your doctor about coping strategies or ask a friend to stay while he is away?

ilovesooty · 10/04/2011 20:32

That seems rather an overreaction to scurry's post.

Why did you post in AIBU if you weren't prepared to have others disagree, at least to some extent?

He hasn't sprung this trip on you and you have had time to prepare/come to terms with its implications.

BeakerTheMuppetMuppet · 10/04/2011 20:32

I'm not sure how your OCD and fear of sleep walking is affected by having the kids off school, wouldn't they all be at home every night anyway?

Anyhow, i think you should go back to see your GP re; your anxiety.

I won't say if YABU or not, as i don't think you're in a place to react in any other way.

You will be fine, it's only YOU who believes you won't otherwise i'm sure your DP wouldn't have left you and all 4 DCs at risk.

Dilligaf81 · 10/04/2011 20:34

Hi Id 2nd what Itberete said any friends or family.

Would it help if you made a timetable for the week so you knew what you were doing when ? - The weathers going to be nice so a few picnic's with a football to knacker the kids out.

Get a stash of colouring / puzzle books and dvd's if you need an hour get the kids going on those.

x

ilovesooty · 10/04/2011 20:34

I would certainly agree with others that you might benefit from another trip to your GP.

EmmaBemma · 10/04/2011 20:34

I don't know. On the face of it, YANBU, but perhaps there are other motivations for his behaviour - is it possible he thought that going away would, sort of like 'flooding' therapy for phobics, confront you with the situation that scares you in the hope that you'd eventually realise you could manage on your own and you wouldn't hurt your children? As you say, you know that to be true yourself, deep down.

I don't know anything about OCD and maybe its more likely that being on your own won't help and you'll just have a horrible, sleepless week (in which case my sympathies) but my point is that at least part of his motivation might be misguidedly trying to help.

How supportive has he been generally, with your treatment?

maddy68 · 10/04/2011 20:34

its a week with his family!!!! he wont get to see them much, why should you come before everyone else he loves?
you are being VU
let him go and he will WANT to come back rather than feeling forced to be with you

Sassybeast · 10/04/2011 20:35

I think referring to your husband as a cunt is a sign that this is gearing up to be a fairly fundamental issue. Don't think AIBU is the place to get constructive advice, especially if you are highly emotional at the minute.
Is your GP supportive ? What about speaking to a HV to see if she can refer you for some extra support - Homestart etc

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 10/04/2011 20:36

I have OCD....but I would not call my DH a cunt for going to see his family. You have problems but do they mean your DH can never leave you alone at night? Ever??

K999 · 10/04/2011 20:38

Sorry. Just re read post and realise he is away...still, can't you ask a friend to stay?

Adversecamber · 10/04/2011 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Easterfeaster · 10/04/2011 20:38

How long is he away for? Have you any friends who would come and stay to help, or just to see in the day time this week? You sound angry as well as anxious, you need company. I've no experience of OCD, but I'm sure someone will be along with more advice soon. Keep up with the self help program, sounds like you are trying hard to get better.

FuppyGish · 10/04/2011 20:39

I have ocd and didn't find out what it was till I was pregnant with my first dd so I have the utmost sympathy for you, it is an horrendous illness, especially the unwanted and intrusive thoughts.

My advice would be to carry on with your cbt but also get Citalopram from your dr. Its an anti depressant at 20mg but at 40 - 60mg it treats the anxiety that comes with ocd very well. Its a bit of a pain for the first couple of weeks you take it as your body gets used to it so drs will usually prescribe 5mg of diazepam a day to take if the anxiety gets worse. This will only be for 2 weeks so no problem with addiction.

Sorry can't offer advice re your dh going away but in terms of the long term go to your dr and ask for the citalopram. It changed my life. Smile

catchmeifyoucan · 10/04/2011 20:41

Actually I think you sound a bit unbalanced and in the interests of your mental health and the well being of your DCs then maybe a call to the Community Mental Health team would be in order.

worraliberty · 10/04/2011 20:42

How long were you doing the CBT for before you decided it didn't work?

I'm sorry about your OCD but I have to say you sound quite vile the way you abuse your husband. I sincerely hope you don't talk to him or about him like that in real life...or that no-one you or he knows recognises you both on here while you're calling him a c**t.

FuppyGish · 10/04/2011 20:43

I don't think she's 'unbalanced' Hmm not sure that's very helpful. Its the ocd. Shes absolutely no risk to her dc at all.

AIBU was probably not the best place to post OP, repost in mental health perhaps?

Flowerpotmummy · 10/04/2011 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.