to think DH is a cunt and I should come before his family?

[KidsComingOutOfMyEars]

Normally I love him to bits although he is quite selfish and annoying but right now I hate his fucking guts.

I had DC4 8 months ago. I suffer from OCD quite badly and had no idea what it was until last year, just thought I was a nutter for years. DC4 was an unplanned surprise (was diagnosed with OCD about 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant!) and my OCD has been haywire during the pregnancy and after. Probably because we are in a mess financially. One of my OCD 'traits' is being terrified about being on my own at night as I worry I will sleepwalk and cause harm to my children. Anyone who knows anything about OCD will know that I would never do this but the thought tortures me.

Anyway DH told me about a month ago that he would be going back 'home' (abroad)for a week as his family needed some help with something - nothing urgent or life or death. His brother could have gone next month but No, DH wanted to go. I have been pleading with him not to go at this time. He went alone 18 months ago when my OCD was not quite as bad so it's not as if he has'nt seen them for years. Could not take the DCs as too expensive.

I have had CBT which has not worked really but am currently on a self help programme to get my mind and body fit. It is working slowly and I wanted his support to keep with it, it has been especially hard because of having just had DC4.

Anyway he has gone (yesterday). I could not force him not to go. He just said, 'stop being silly, you'll be fine'. He also told me to go to my parents but they have gone abroad too (which I did not know about until last week).

So here I am in torture and terrified of how I will cope with the week ahead (DCx3 off school as well).

I want to fucking divorce the bastard for totally not giving a shit about my feelings but I can't as then I will be on my own! AIBU to think that he's a selfish prick?

That is terribly sad, Kids.

Glad to hear that you are coping better. I find that thinking through the "what ifs" helps me. I have an overactive imagination, and sometimes have the "what if... the bridge we are going over suddenly collapses..." and have to turn that into a positive image, eg. "what if we cross the bridge and keep going and reach the park where we are going to have our picnic..."

Coming to this late, but I do think your DH is being selfish. I don't have OCD and only have 2 kids but if my DH decided he wanted to just go off for a week and leave me for a week without asking I'd be really narked off, so I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel.

Hi Kids - Glad the night went well for you. The fact that the obsession has changed is an indication that you have successfully countered that one which is great. However it has just morphed into something else and as you have put rituals and checks in place to reduce your anxiety you are 'co-operating' with your OCD and making it worse. You need to not to anything to reduce your anxiety. Leave the things plugged in, don't ccheck the fire alarm. If you can do this and let the attendent anxiety increase and decrease naturally then you will be making huge progress.
You history with your mother is very distressing and could certainly have contributed to the development of your OCD, however I suspect you will need seperate counselling for it. Now well developed and entranched your OCD will not disappear even if you improve your self esteem. You will need CBT for OCD so you can defeat the illness and then other counselling/ courses to work on confidence. I strongly recommend you tackly the OCD first as of course it constantly requires you to question yourself and as such you can never fully becomes confident in your own decisions and choices while it remains untreated.
My DH had a similiar dysfunctional relationship with his mother, but his confidence and self esteem increased in adulthood due to a good career and a strong relationship with me. However this made no difference to his OCD. He needed to treat this as a seperate illness.
You seem a lot calmer than a few days ago and I admire how amazingly well you are doing. I think that you will look back on this week as a turning point in your battle with this awful disease.

glad you have managed reasonably OK the last few nights. Again broadly agree with BlueFergie about trying to challenge yourself re latest "rituals" re:the plugs, and also about seeing the OCD as separable from the childhood verbal/emotional abuse. Are you aware of the "stately homes" threads in relationships, you might find useful non-professional support re:childhood issues on there.