to think DH is a cunt and I should come before his family?

[KidsComingOutOfMyEars]

Normally I love him to bits although he is quite selfish and annoying but right now I hate his fucking guts.

I had DC4 8 months ago. I suffer from OCD quite badly and had no idea what it was until last year, just thought I was a nutter for years. DC4 was an unplanned surprise (was diagnosed with OCD about 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant!) and my OCD has been haywire during the pregnancy and after. Probably because we are in a mess financially. One of my OCD 'traits' is being terrified about being on my own at night as I worry I will sleepwalk and cause harm to my children. Anyone who knows anything about OCD will know that I would never do this but the thought tortures me.

Anyway DH told me about a month ago that he would be going back 'home' (abroad)for a week as his family needed some help with something - nothing urgent or life or death. His brother could have gone next month but No, DH wanted to go. I have been pleading with him not to go at this time. He went alone 18 months ago when my OCD was not quite as bad so it's not as if he has'nt seen them for years. Could not take the DCs as too expensive.

I have had CBT which has not worked really but am currently on a self help programme to get my mind and body fit. It is working slowly and I wanted his support to keep with it, it has been especially hard because of having just had DC4.

Anyway he has gone (yesterday). I could not force him not to go. He just said, 'stop being silly, you'll be fine'. He also told me to go to my parents but they have gone abroad too (which I did not know about until last week).

So here I am in torture and terrified of how I will cope with the week ahead (DCx3 off school as well).

I want to fucking divorce the bastard for totally not giving a shit about my feelings but I can't as then I will be on my own! AIBU to think that he's a selfish prick?

Kids - It is hard dealing with a mental health issue, for both the person suffering AND their family and friends. I'm not excusing your DH, I think he could have made an effort to ensure you had support before choosing to go. However, since recovering from a period of terrible anxiety. I realise that it want just me affected.

So, your issue for this week is how to get through the week. I really dont think you are a risk to your DC, of you were then neither your GP or DH would allow you to be alone with them. Make a plan for the days, so you are all exhausted and increase the chances of sleeping well. Try to have company of other adults if you can either in day or evening. Use mental health boards on here to get support - there is almost always someone around, even in the middle of the night.

In the long run, it seems that the treatments you have tried arent working and you do need to return to your GP and tell them.

She's not vile! She's got ocd and is terrified and he went and left her! She's just venting.

Christ, I know its AIBU but could people please be a little more sympathetic??

some of you could do with a little empathy... the OP is clearly distressed. her other half is unlikely to see that she's called him a cnut on the internet and even if he does, I'm sure he'll live.

How do you know she's no risk to the DC? She sounds somewhat aggressive and resentful - who knows what could happen?

As a fellow OCD-er I can see both sides of it - at my worst I would have struggled being alone. But it's not fair on your DH never being able to be away overnight with family so far away. Having said that, with 4 young kids I do think it was a bit harsh of your DH to go for a whole week whilst you are feeling rough and are skint ButaAnyway- what's done is done. Rather than calling your DH all the names under the sun, focus on how to cope this week. Do you still have any contact with your CBT person to talk things through? and out of interest, why aren't you on meds?

I suffered from OCD for a long time and know how difficult it can be, and how OCD weights on your mind, twisting and turning your thoughts and feelings making you feel mad.

But you are not mad, there is some research that suggests the OCD is caused by being over emotional and not being able to handle the feelings. This for some reason made me feel better.

If you're having CBT you have properly been to the docs, did they give you any tablets as anti depressants work well for OCD as do anti anexity tablets, it maybe worth popping into see them if you don't have any. I was given Diazapam (sp) didn't always take them but having them with me, knowing they could make me feel better if I really needed tham worked wonders.

Your DH does sounds like a bit of an arse, but the one thing I have learnt is that unsless you have OCD you really can't understand how all consumming it is. He really doesn't understand how you feel. I remember my DP shouting at me to leave the house as we were late and me needing to check the gas, taps lights, plugs for the 300 time and DP just saying let go it will be fine. He couldn't understand that I NEEDED to check again and how I couldn't think of anything else.

Take things slowly, don't put any undue pressure on yourself, maybe to make yourself feel better put someting outside your bedroom door so if you did sleep walk you would trip over and wake up, therefore everything will be ok.

Probably was an over reaction to scurrys post - I apologise. Saying he needs a break did not help though. I do not drain him that much. My OCD at the moment is more intrusive thoughts rather than rituals.

GP is not much help at all. I have had CBT, hynotheraphy etc. I have realised that I have to help myself and have been doing so. Of course he needs to see his family but at THIS POINT with DC4 being new and other stuff that we have been trying to deal with, I can really do without the additional anxiety and he knows that.

He knows we will be OK but he also knew how anxious I was about it and that I would suffer this week (sleepless week, high anxiety etc). I would not do this to HIM if he was in my situation and I am angry that he totally disregarded my feelings about this. I do not call him a cunt to his face, I am just letting off steam here.

Perhaps it's not a great idea to suggest medication for the OP - especially one which is known to give you panic attacks at night. In the long run, her GP may see it as the way forward, but since her DH is away, recommending a certain drug at this stage is not sensible. Sorry FuppyGish, not having a go at you, but I don't imagine OP needs any more symptoms at the moment.

I think the suggestion of posting in mental health is wise. You're clearly suffering and some comments in AIBU may not help.

I like your turn of phrase - made me laugh.

'tis a bit unreasonable to expect him not to see his family when they are overseas and need his help but he prob could have picked a better week.

he's gone now - so just concentrate on getting through the week and call on any help you can from friends and family

Catchme - She's at no risk of harming her children because of the ocd. Because people with ocd don't harm their children. They are probably the least likely of all people to harm their children because they are so over careful and worried about harming them. I'm probably not explaining it very well. Will try to find a link.

"How do you know she's no risk to the DC? She sounds somewhat aggressive and resentful - who knows what could happen?"

Seriously... in any event, what did you think this post would achieve? Are you trying to be inflammatory?

griphook - I was prescribed Prozac (mainly for panic attacks, the intrusive thoughts were not that bad then) but they made things 10x worse and even though I stopped them after 10 weeks, the intrusive thoughts have been brought to the surface and have never been as bad as they are now.

cathmeifyoucan - it's because of people like you that people hide mental health problems - thanks a lot.

Loony - very true, I didn't realise OP's DH had already left. Long term though, I think she should see her dr about the possibility of medication.

OP - Could you ask your dr for a very small dose of diazepam (2mg) for the week to calm you if the panic gets bad?

"OP you can't reasonably expect your DH to never be able to leave you alone overnight. "

I don't see where the OP has said that... perhaps you could point it out?

Do everything you can to help yourself. Do you have a mental health community nurse you can call if you need support?

Structure your week, draw up a plan of activities to keep everyone busy.

Get the kids into bed early if you can to give yourself some 'me' time of an evening.

Make contact with PL friends and family and ask for help if you need it.

Don't blame your husband for supporting his own family. Your youngest is eight months so hardly 'new'

Don't punish DH when he gets back.

Your child is 8 months old, not 8 weeks old, and it is reasonable to allow the man to see his own family.

Take it one day at a time. You got through last night, you will get through tonight too, and before you know it, he will be home.

Apology accepted OP. Hope you are feeling better soon.x

OP- a lot of us would be pretty furious at our dps leaving us alone for a week with four kids (including an 8 month old) even without mental health issues

I am amaaaaaazed at the responses you're getting here- even for AIBU. Ask for it to be shifted to mh- you'll get a much more measured response, and weed out the ones who are snidey for a hobby

good luck love

I see, so meds seem to have made things worse if anything, whereas what you are working on now does seem to be slowly helping. fair enough you are wary of meds given that experience.

If he hadn't gone - well that wouldn't have moved your situation on at all would it? Obviously it is easier for you to have him around - but you know that your responses and reactions are not normal nor is this sustainable longterm. I don't think it's a bad thing that he has gone to see his family tbh. It's only a week and it may well help you see more clearly about where you are going and what you can achieve. I think you owe him an apology as well for being so abusive behind his back. I wouldn't tolerate a man speaking about his wife in that way.