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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

children can make their own mind up about religion when they grow up...

814 replies

AliGrylls · 07/04/2011 12:05

Okay I have just read this on another thread but this is a statement I hear quite a lot and want to ask the question.

If all you teach your child is atheism how will they make their mind up about religion when they grow up because they have no religion other than atheism?

They will know nothing other than what you have taught them so they have nothing to make their mind up about - they will be atheist, by default. If people genuinely want their children to make their own mind up they have to provide them with a reasonable alternative (ie, Judaism / Christianity / Islam).

I don't actually know any adults who have been brought up atheist who have thought all of a sudden "I believe in God, I am going to go to Church".

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 07/04/2011 12:06

But on the other hand, why drag them into a religion that they have no choice about?

valiumredhead · 07/04/2011 12:07

I teach ds about all religions. He can choose one IF he wants to when he wants to.

allgonebellyup · 07/04/2011 12:07

and i do know of 2 adults who suddenly "found God" after having no religion for 20 plus years....

stealthcat · 07/04/2011 12:09

If children go to school then they are taught about a range of religions.
Atheism isnt a religion, IMO.

Prunnhilda · 07/04/2011 12:10

You don't teach atheism, there's nothing to teach.
It is not a religion, so they don't 'have' it.
They do RE at school, we talk about many religions, we have books on Greek myths, Norse myths etc.
It's not like children of atheists are banned from knowing about religion, old and not so old.

What you don't do is teach them that something that is plainly a set of stories is the absolute truth, that their inner sense of goodness depends upon it, and then expect them to be neutral and able to make up their minds about something which has an emotional basis when they grow up.

WoTmania · 07/04/2011 12:10

We take our DC to church (semi-reguarly at the moment as always ill/busy/tired) because DH adn I want them to learn about and have an experience of organised religion. When they are older they can make up their minds about attending themselves.
I know very few people who, in they're mid-twenties or so, suddenly decide to check out their local church having not been brought up with religion. In my view this is allowing them to make up their own decisions.
So I suppose I agree with you Grin

Happymm · 07/04/2011 12:10

I don't think it's dragging them into a religion, it's opening their minds and educating them as to all the alternatives-then, they are truly free to make their own choice. If they do not know anything about different religions, then that eliminates their choice.

WoTmania · 07/04/2011 12:12

the only people I know who start going to church inlater life have turned into evangelsits who ram it down your throat.

WoTmania · 07/04/2011 12:13

evangelists, even

cookielove · 07/04/2011 12:13

I was brought up with atheist parents, they never pushed there atheism on any of us, or any other religion, what we have learnt about religion through school, i know enough to know i don't believe however if i did choose to believe my parents would be fine with that to.

I know lots of people who have been raised Christians who are now atheists, your argument is that if you are raised to not believe then you won't but then if you are raised to believe in only one specific religion does this mean you will only believe in that religion.

So if your raise your child Christian they will be Christian by default? Or if you raise your child Jewish your child will be Jewish by default?

And no i have never woken up one day and said I believe in god i am going to church, because no i don't believe in god, and i never want to go to church.

valiumredhead · 07/04/2011 12:13

My sister and I were brought up as C of E - fairly strict, went to church, we were confirmed etc.

Then mum decided on another religion and we were dragged along to that for years. I left home because I was MADE to go along to meetings and I felt so strongly that religion was a load of bunkum.

Funnily enough neither me or my sister teach our ds's that any religion is 'right' - they can make up their own minds without any influence from us!

MillyR · 07/04/2011 12:14

OP, are you saying that children from atheist families need to be taught more about religion than they currently learn from school RE lessons and from living in a culturally Christian country?

What else do you think they should be being taught?

Prunnhilda · 07/04/2011 12:15

If you teach a child that their very essence is related to love of Jesus or Jesus's love - how do you then take what is a long-term emotionally-based part of their psyche, and later translate that into 'well you can actually believe what you want' with the ease that is being suggested here?

You have altered someone's psychology by bringing them up in a religion.

WidowWadman · 07/04/2011 12:16

My husband and I are atheists - our childre will still learn about religions as "things some people believe in", and as religion has influenced history and culture (literature, art, music ) so strongly, we will make sure she has a good understanding/knowledge of the underlying stories.

We just treat Christianity and other abrahamitic religions just like any other mythology.

Our children will get in touch with people who do believe, so it might well be that they start believing themselves, when they're older.

But we can't tell them to believe in the big beard in the sky, if we don't do it ourselves - that'd be dishonest.

Original poster
AliGrylls · 07/04/2011 12:17

Depends on perceptions though. I see it as an introduction. I will send my children to Sunday School and if at any point they say "I don't believe this" they can stop. DH can teach them about atheism.

I don't intend to force my children into faith it is up to them and also faith is something that needs to come from within. I don't think that it needs to be intense and it can be enjoyable.

Maybe I was wrong about people not finding God but I imagine it is less likely to happen if one is brought up as an atheist.

OP posts:
Prunnhilda · 07/04/2011 12:17

Exactly MillyR.

loonyrationalist · 07/04/2011 12:17

AliGrylls - but the same applies however you bring them up, christian, muslim, jewish, atheist in all cases the children will be influenced by their children's beliefs. Some will react against it later - some will not.

Perhaps you don't know any adults who were brought up as atheists & have suddenly found a religion as atheism but there are certainly some. Perhaps there are less as atheism is more convincing than religion. Wink

stealthcat · 07/04/2011 12:18

You probably can have a big effect on a childs way of thinking about the world if you bring them up in a particular religion.
I think that is different to making sure that your child is informed about different aspects of religion.

empirestateofmind · 07/04/2011 12:18

I think children should be taught about different religions and should feel comfortable going into places of worship. However I am not going to make my children follow a religion. They can choose to follow one if they wish when they are over 18 and can make an informed choice.

Where we live no one is allowed (by law) to try to convert others to their own religion. Everyone is expected to live side by side peacefully. Government housing deliberately has a complete mix of races and religions in order to promote integration and avoid ghettos.

GiddyPickle · 07/04/2011 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkytheshrinky · 07/04/2011 12:19

I was brought up approximately c of e but have married a Catholic - my children are baptised and practising Catholics and I do really feel that this input into their lives has been of great benefit. They are part of a school and local community and part of the wider Catholic church and I know they enjoy going to Church and doing 1st Holy Communion etc. There is time for them to fall of the wagon of course - they are only almost 10 and 7 but I will keep them going to Catholic school and Church as much as we can. I really feel it has helped them to build solid foundations.

Original poster
AliGrylls · 07/04/2011 12:22

WoT, I completely agree with you. Those that convert in later life can be quite tactless and insensitive. People who have been brought up with it tend to be more relaxed.

I thought Richard Dawkins had written a book on the subject of atheism that was rather prescriptive?

OP posts:
MIFLAW · 07/04/2011 12:23

"I don't think it's dragging them into a religion, it's opening their minds and educating them as to all the alternatives-then, they are truly free to make their own choice."

If you were genuinely doing this you would need to take them to a wide range of places of worship and not for a minute suggest that one was your "favourite" or more convincing than the others.

I bet you don't do that, but am willing to be told I am wrong.

thaigreencurry · 07/04/2011 12:23

We had a thanksgiving blessing for ds1 as we always felt that it was important that they choose their own path. When we met with the vicar he shared your concerns.

I was christened Catholic but never taken to a catholic church and religion was never discussed. I had no knowledge of the catholic faith and I disappointed a few people when I chose to marry in a church of england church. By their thinking I was christened a catholic so I should feel like a catholic.

I do not feel that I have the right to impose a religion on my children. I am not 100% convinced that christianity is right therefore it would be wrong for me to baptise my children into a faith that I question myself. I take my children to church very occasionally, I find church services boring and irrelevant so the occasional visit is enough for me. I'm sorry if that offends people, I'm just being honest. We celebrate the christian festivals and we also pray sometimes, I should do this with them more often as it gave me comfort as a child.

Ds1 is aware that not everybody believes in God and he understand that there are different religions. This year we talked about Ramadan and Eid and we have also taken part in celebrations for Jewish and Hindu religious festivals.

I'm hoping to have a thanksgiving blessing for ds2 but feel a little hypocritical at doing so as I have felt more disconnected from the church/religion in recent years. I think we will still go ahead though as I feel blessed to have been given such a beautiful son and I do believe in God its just organised religion that I'm not keen on.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 07/04/2011 12:24

Atheism isn't a religion. I teach them that lots of people believe in these things, but that we don't and they are free to ask us anything about various religions they like.

If you're sending them to Sunday school you're not letting them choose, you're indoctrinating them now. Which is fine if you want them to be that religion, but don't pretend its some kind of neutral option.

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