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AIBU?

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Original poster

children can make their own mind up about religion when they grow up...

814 replies

AliGrylls · 07/04/2011 12:05

Okay I have just read this on another thread but this is a statement I hear quite a lot and want to ask the question.

If all you teach your child is atheism how will they make their mind up about religion when they grow up because they have no religion other than atheism?

They will know nothing other than what you have taught them so they have nothing to make their mind up about - they will be atheist, by default. If people genuinely want their children to make their own mind up they have to provide them with a reasonable alternative (ie, Judaism / Christianity / Islam).

I don't actually know any adults who have been brought up atheist who have thought all of a sudden "I believe in God, I am going to go to Church".

OP posts:
MIFLAW · 07/04/2011 15:58

Happymm

Yes, but has that happened from a purely neutral standpoint, or do you in fact prioritise one religion (your own) the majority of the time?

valiumredhead · 07/04/2011 15:59

More likely plenty of teachers teaching religion who are doubters.

Yeah, or over zealous RE teachers who tell little children they will go to hell if they don't go to church! I have NO idea why that particular teacher is allowed to teach at ds's school! Grrrrrrr!

MIFLAW · 07/04/2011 16:01

Imgonna

As an atheist agnostic, I have not "opted out" of anything.

It is you, as a believer, who has opted in.

ivykaty44 · 07/04/2011 16:03

Do we label people that don't collect stamps..? No we don't and I don't really want to be given a name and stuck in a section called atheism just because I don't happen to have a God

The people that do this labelling are people that do have faith, God, religion and they want to put me in a pidgeon hole and give me a label

why do they want to do this to people? Can they not just accept that myself and my offspring don't need labels and don't really want them and if my chidlren want to be labelled later in life with religion, God or faith they will come and ask.

nobodyimportant · 07/04/2011 17:02

Just been pondering the exercise analogy above. I think it would be more accurate to say "What is your favourite form of exercise?" The answer could be football, running, swimming, cycling etc. etc. or "none". If the answer was "none" then you wouldn't count that as a form of exercise.

"What is your religion?"... Hindu, Catholic, CofE, etc. etc. or "none". Likewise you wouldn't call "none" a religion. Just because none in this case has been given a label of atheism doesn't make it a religion.

nobodyimportant · 07/04/2011 17:03

Unless I've got it all wrong and couch potato is indeed a form of exercise...

LynetteScavo · 07/04/2011 17:03

I know someone who grew up in an atheist family and became a Christian missionary. So ner! Grin

noncuro · 07/04/2011 17:40

I think you're posing the faith questions wrongly OP, the issue isn't which religion a b c or none it's:

  1. Does God/do Gods exist?
    a) no - STOP here. You are an atheist.
    b) maybe - STOP here. You are agnostic. Either you're happy with that or can research further.
    c) yes - go to question 2.

  2. What is the best way of worshipping God/Gods?
    a) outside religion - STOP here. Go do whatever to worship.
    b) within organised religion - go to question 3.

  3. Which religion do you believe is the best method for worshipping God/Gods?
    a) Christianity
    b) Islam
    c) Judaism
    d) Hinduism
    e) Sikhism
    f) other, etc

Because GOD is the key part of most religions (I'm aware that some religions are atheistic btw, just trying to simplify!) that's the first question. If you don't think about God first then you are completely missing the point of most of the main world religions, and getting caught up in all the rhetoric. It doesn't matter so much which outcome arises, but what process you use to arrive there. Children should be thinking about 1) first.

MIFLAW · 07/04/2011 17:41

Depends how you spell it. You'd probably call "nun" a religion ...

JemimaMop · 07/04/2011 17:47

IMO YANBU, however I think a lot of people will disagree.

I was brought up Christian, and am bringing my DC up as Christians. However they know that one religion isn't "better" than others, and that people who are religious are not "better" than those who aren't.

They obviously learn about other religions in school, and we have friends who practice other faiths as well as friends who are aetheists.

I don't expect them to necessarily follow the same path as I do, but I do think that it is important that they are introduced to faith as children.

Crystyclear · 07/04/2011 17:54

"I don't expect them to necessarily follow the same path as I do, but I do think that it is important that they are introduced to faith as children."

I don't understand that perspective at all. If you're Christian and your children grow up not to believe in your faith, surely you believe they will be going to hell? Or is this some new selective/part-time Christianity?

lunafire · 07/04/2011 17:56

It's perfectly possible to 'find' a religion on your own with no teaching in it. I was brought up as an atheist, by parents who both viewed all religion as complete bunkem/something daft and were very vocal about that.

But they didn't stop me from thinking or reading and now 30 years later after a lot of thinking and reading I class myself as pagan.

MizzyDizzy · 07/04/2011 18:01

I was raised Catholic and would now class myself as Agnostic, with a hint of Pagan.

At home my DC's have been raised with some Catholic input, as due to habit I sometimes I hear myself spouting Catholic opinions....and some Pagan and Agnostic beliefs/ideas. They also attend a C of E after school club based on the Bible and go to a Methodist Youth Club so learn about Methodist beliefs too. They have also attended a variety of Sunday services and Sunday school type events.

...and they learn about many religions in school.

I would hope after all this 'experience' my DC's would have a fair idea of what religion/belief/faith involves to enable them to 'make their own minds up later'.

MIFLAW · 07/04/2011 18:30

"However they know that one religion isn't "better" than others" - this is what I don't get. Surely, the sole reason for picking one religion over the many others is that you are convinced that yours IS "better" because it is the surest or even only route to God? Why else would one bother?

NotJustKangaskhan · 07/04/2011 19:44

My husband was raised by a very vocal Atheist. I was raised by an equally vocal right wing American Christian. We're currently neither of those (We're happy relaxed Noachides).

Parents may raise their children within any moral framework, and - though some frameworks have been shown to have further repercussion and be harder to change - adults are in charge of their morality and spiritual life and there is a wealth of information and resources available if they become interested in exploring other faiths in a detailed way beyond basic RE education of world faiths and moral frameworks.

SarfEasticated · 07/04/2011 19:55

"Prunnhilda Thu 07-Apr-11 12:15:10

If you teach a child that their very essence is related to love of Jesus or Jesus's love - how do you then take what is a long-term emotionally-based part of their psyche, and later translate that into 'well you can actually believe what you want' with the ease that is being suggested here?

You have altered someone's psychology by bringing them up in a religion."

Thanks Prunnhilda for your wonderful words.

That's exactly what happened to me. I inherently believe in god, because I was brought up to, but my rational side doesn't. Annoying really. My DD won't be taught that god exists, she will learn about lots of religions, and will be taught a decent moral code, and she can decide herself when she is older.

The most committed Christians I know became so as adults.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 20:15

I know lots of adults who have found religion when they were brought up in atheist households-one took himself to church aged 11yrs and eventually became a vicar. I certainly know lots of atheists who were brought up as Christians with Sunday School etc.

The family that you are born into is a complete accident of birth. I find it ludicrous that your DC should follow you, because you happened to give birth!

I can't think of a single adult who would say 'I am a Christian because my mother told me there was a God,' or 'I am an Atheist because my mother told me all religion was rubbish'. They generally stop thinking you know everything when they are about 5yrs old.

Children are free agents-parents can say what they like and bring them up how they like but they can't make follow-and a good thing too. (especially for those who think they can control their DC's thoughts!)

I think it much better to bring DCs up to question everyone and everything-including parents and then they are not easily led and think for themslelves.

I can't imagine why it bothers you as a parent if your DC thinks differently-it doesn't alter the relationship.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 20:16

I would also agree that most committed Christians that I know became so as adults-it had nothing to do with parental beliefs.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 20:19

I don't actually know any adults who have been brought up atheist who have thought all of a sudden "I believe in God, I am going to go to Church".

I know a lot-they are generally looking for something and go on an Alpha Course-a course tailored for the person without experience who is asking questions.

Marne · 07/04/2011 20:23

I'm an atheist but dd1 (7) has chosen to be a christian, i'm happy for her to make the choice.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 20:25

Good for you Marne. I am the other way around, Christian but have atheist DCs -what I don't understand is why should we be bothered?

madhairday · 07/04/2011 20:26

I know a good many too. One of our mates is an ex-athiest vicar Grin

AMIS as ever makes good sense here, and well said Michaela, too.

Children will grow into adults, and generally can think for themselves, really. I wouldn't worry. Ours are brought up Christian, and yes I'd love them to carry on, but I love them whatever, and they know that. Fear-mongering tactics aint my style.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 20:30

I think that DCs grow up despite their parents-we think we are very important but really we are not!

DelGirl · 07/04/2011 20:37

I see myself as agnostic and think that dd can choose for herself when she is older what she believes in. I want her to have a broad knowledge off all religions and to say that everyone believes in different things and neither is wrong nor right. We are however, now living in a Catholic country so obviously things sway more towards that and I don't have a problem with it but she will opt out of religious studies as I have been told they are 95% catholic teaching and 5% other. Rightly so I suppose but hopefully in time she will learn. Since we have been here she has asked more questions about god etc and I try and answer her as openly as I can without swaying her one way or the other. Not easy though!

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 20:46

I don't think that you need to worry about swaying-she will make her own mind up. The people most likely to sway are those who are adamant one way or the other-they are the ones where the DC will do the opposite IMO.

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