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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

children can make their own mind up about religion when they grow up...

814 replies

AliGrylls · 07/04/2011 12:05

Okay I have just read this on another thread but this is a statement I hear quite a lot and want to ask the question.

If all you teach your child is atheism how will they make their mind up about religion when they grow up because they have no religion other than atheism?

They will know nothing other than what you have taught them so they have nothing to make their mind up about - they will be atheist, by default. If people genuinely want their children to make their own mind up they have to provide them with a reasonable alternative (ie, Judaism / Christianity / Islam).

I don't actually know any adults who have been brought up atheist who have thought all of a sudden "I believe in God, I am going to go to Church".

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 07/04/2011 20:54

I used to take myself of to church age 7-8 years old and sit with other dc that had been taken to church as their parents where religious - why didn't they leave their dc at home? my mum didn't make me stay home and not let me go to church?

iPhoneDrone · 07/04/2011 20:55

Atheist here. I would actually be horribly disappointed if any of my DC grew up religious.

We regularly talk to the DC about others beliefs, DD has been to CofE churches, the local mosque and loves going to the local Buddhist centre. The actual taking part in religion though....not freaking likely.

So YABU. Of the two atheists I know who have 'found god' in later life, it happened in both cases after a huge life crisis/accident (which I think is more about religion filling a void they felt or the fear of coming close to death). I think it very rare that a normal, happy with life person, suddenly finds god.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 20:59

I don't find it at all rare-lots of people are looking for a spiritual side.

ivykaty44 · 07/04/2011 21:07

You may not find it rare exotic but those people may not be happy and normal, they may need to be looking for something to fill a void and so want a spiritual something to help them alone - whether that be a church or other religious building and the people inside or a guide from the other side.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 21:10

People look for it for all sorts of reasons. A crisis in life is a very common cause ,but lots of people are just curious or want to explore different ideas.

GrimmaTheNome · 07/04/2011 21:15

I reckon most atheists are a lot more scrupulous about the 'some people believe' ... and trying not to over-influence their kids than most religious people are. Maybe it doesn't always follow now that Christians raise Christians ... but its pretty obvious that on average a child raised in a Muslim household is more likely to become a Muslim than anything else, and that most children not raised in Muslim households won't convert to Islam.

We try to teach our DD how to think, not what to believe.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 21:17

I think that you will find a lot of Muslims who have converted from families that were not Muslim.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 21:19

I also don't think that anyone can speak for atheists as a group, or Christians as a group, or any other religion -everyone is different.

ivykaty44 · 07/04/2011 21:19

I don't know any religious people that get a babysitter for their dc so they can stay home whilst they go to their religious meetings and not influence them by not taking them to their place of worship, perhaps this happens in soem ircles but I have yet to come across it.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 21:22

Of course parents influence-they just have to accept that the DC may decide differently.

GrimmaTheNome · 07/04/2011 21:27

I think that you will find a lot of Muslims who have converted from families that were not Muslim.
I've never come across any. Sure, there are some - and unfortunately too often the sort of extremists who make the news. But as a proportion versus the proportions of familial muslims/nonmuslims - not 'a lot'.

onagar · 07/04/2011 21:28

"If all you teach your child is atheism how will they make their mind up about religion when they grow up because they have no religion other than atheism?"

I expect someone has already corrected the misunderstanding, but I've not had time to read the whole thread yet.

As an atheist I don't teach kids atheism as there is no subject matter to teach. I would just NOT force them to believe in a particular god.

I'm fine with schools teaching about all the religions out there. Just NOT allowing a teacher to say "my religion is the true one! you must believe it"

Religions are the ones making it hard for kids to choose when they grow up. They drum it in that "THIS is the true god" while they are young and vulnerable.

If that wasn't the intent then religions would be ok with just teaching about all religions in the way you do history and geography.

ilovemyhens · 07/04/2011 21:28

I'm happy and 'normal' and don't have a void in my life, but I'm still a Christian.

My dcs are happy to go to Church and we worship God alongside each other and I would never force it down their throats. They can make up their own minds once they're old enough. They may stick with it, they may not.

My own mother was a miserable, bitter, atheist who had been dragged up as a Catholic. She used to take the piss out of me for going to church Hmm

People who deny their children their natural spirituality are not doing them any favours. And I'm not talking about fundamentalism, cults, strange religious beliefs here, just mainstream religion.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 21:29

I am always reading about them-quite normal women. I'm never sure why but they do.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 21:31

Sorry replying to Gramma.

DiveBomb · 07/04/2011 21:31

I think it's your job as a parent to bring your children up with what you believe, in all things - why would an atheist bring their child up Catholic?? And I doubt most Catholics say to their children, "Well, there's really no hard evidence of a God, and faith is all a bit iffy if you think about it." That's clearly not going to work.

No matter what faith or lack of you bring the children up with, they're going to find out sharpish that lots of other people think differently! As they should.

Choufleur · 07/04/2011 21:31

I'm constantly trying to balance the religious bias DS gets from his CofE school. The resurrection is so much fun at the moment as DS now thinks people come back as ghosts when they die (my Dad died last year and tbh I'm getting fed up answering questions about when we will see him again).

I try to give a balance of view, not just one religious view point. If he wants to practise one religion when older find. My belief is firmly atheist.

GORGEOUSX · 07/04/2011 21:31

First of all atheism is not a religion - that's the whole point.

Secondly I don't tell my children what to believe - I simply tell them that I don't believe in God; what they believe is up to them.

Thirdly, anyone who believes there's an invisible man in the sky watching and knowing everything and directing proceedings is away with the fairies anyway - what a load of absolute bollocks.

ivykaty44 · 07/04/2011 21:32

exotcis - you say there are lot of muslims that didn't come from muslim families - where they christians before?

chandellina · 07/04/2011 21:33

i think it's a bit ridiculous to indoctrinate your children in a religion you don't even believe in, to fulfill some desire or sense of responsibility for giving them a moral framework. My brother converted to Catholicism to marry his wife and they've raised their children in the church even though I know he doesn't believe in a word of it. IMO it's damaging to tell a child a pack of lies and then later say they can make up their own minds.

emmy12 · 07/04/2011 21:34

I'm not religious but am happy my DD is at a CoE school. I feel it gives her the knowledge (which I'm not going to give her) so that she can make an informed choice in the future. Don't see it as doing her any harm.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 21:35

No idea ivykate-I haven't paid enough attention-it just registered because I thought it a bit odd.

Choufleur · 07/04/2011 21:36

That just give her more of an insight into CofE though emmy12 not other religions. all schools have to teach about other faiths. She would learn basics about all faiths wherever she went to school.

She will just learn at a CofE school that Christianity is correct.

maddy68 · 07/04/2011 21:37

I was brought up in a very religious family in fact my grandad was a vicar. I am athiest.
Just because someone is brought up one way doesn't mean they don't feel another

chandellina · 07/04/2011 21:37

there are actually quite a few Muslim converts in the US - from the African American community. Likely they would have been raised or their parent were raised as Christians but now accounting for an estimated 25% of all Muslims in the country.