to use the disabled toilet in this situation?

[dolldaggabuzzbuzz]

I took mine and my sister's DCs for a nice day out to the cinema. There was just me and 4 kids aged between 3 and 5. After we bought our tickets I took them to the Ladies toilet, they were all engaged and there were a few people waiting.

I decided not to wait and took the DCs out to the disabled toilet as there was no one using or waiting for it. When we had all finished we were washing our hands when someone tried the door, one of the DCs had unlocked it and this woman in a wheelchair came in with her partner, I said I won't be a minute. She glared at me and muttered some things.

I was really embarrassed that I had been caught out using the disabled toilet and I wanted to apologise to the lady for keeping her waiting (for less than a minute!) but she was really, really angry. The DCs ran out in opposite directions and I quickly said sorry to the lady and as I walked off she screamed "Bitch!" at me. I never turned back to look at her. I don't think the DCs noticed anything!

I was so upset I couldn't get it out of my head throughout the film, and it ruined my day. I don't think what I did was that bad. I thought that woman was really horrible. AIBU?

MrSpoc- try a tena in future. Poor you on your own needing a wee :(

Theres no law that says lots of things- does that mean we should all become selfish entitled princesses because there is no law against it?

YADNBU

She is!! Although her agreesion could be linked to her disability.

You or your DC's could also be disabled and perfectly entitled to use the facilities. Disability isn't always obvious.

(before i get flamed my son is severly disabled and he doesn't mind waiting if people that might not appear to be as disabled are using the disabled toilet).

OP, if, as you say, you 'decided not to wait'. This does not sound like one of the children was about to have an accident, nor like you were unhappy with children going into cubicles alone (as you were originally planning to use the main toilets, so you just didn't want to wait. For this YABU.

HOWEVER, I am also of the opinion that disabled toilets can be used, if vacant and nobody nearby waiting, to aviod a distressing situation such as wetting yourself (adult or child) or going to the toilet with a buggy in tow. Both these instances, the person could be in and out within a minute and the chances are very slim that you would inconvenience someone. I do not agree with taking 4 children into a disabled toilet because this is guaranteed to take longer than a minute and you are unaware if there is anyone waiting.

I have been ushered over to use the slanted disabled checkout in Sainsbury's before. It is often left empty because people are unaware of the rules around using disabled facilities. I don't know anyone who parks in disabled spaces, very few who use disabled toilets and in the circumstances above, but what about the conveyor belt? It seems to me that people are so worried about being disablist that they are afraid to use an empty checkout in case someone disabled needs it.

Ramble ramble, anyway, YWBU because you couldn't be bothered to wait. She WBU to call you a bitch in front of children.

MarianneM absolutely! For someone shouting alot about empathy and compassion, it seems to be rather lacking in a lot of Gemsy's posts.

How I hate that phrase 'chip on your shoulder'

Its almost only ever used when someone is defending/discussing a minority.

because you can never tell and it is rude to ask!

Gemsy, much of what you say is right, but you are being rather unpleasant about it and probably making people want to dig their heels in and disagree with you just because of your attitude. Lots of people do that when somebody gets their back up. You talk of compassion, but that needs to stretch to everyone, and that can include the person (not in the OP case) who is struggling with things you can't see, and for whom a toddler wetting themselves for example, may be the final straw.

Yes of course, I lack empathy for the poor little abled bodied people and their bladders! Rather that than be totally self centred and not give a hoot about those who have no control of their lack of ability!

we used to have public loos in our town centre and i had a 2yr old and a baby. the buggy was put near the sink area with the baby in, whilst either I or toddler used the loo. i didnt once think baby would come to harm. i used to get my toddler to push the door shut for me so noone would open it. this kept him occupied. whats so wrong with leaving a pram, buggy next to the sinks. i often came out the loo to see people cooing over the baby or chatting to older babies as they washed their hands.

Children are not in perfect control of themselves/their bladders/lives, so often need a little extra time/patience/consideration.

I think its unpleasant to put the needs of your abled bodied self above those less fortunate personally. Yes that makes me pure evil - I can live with it.

Well you should have empathy for everyone with difficulties. It makes people nice. A grown woman with bladder problems for example, would be no less embarassed than anyone else if caught short.

Had there been another disabled person using it then the woman would have had to wait.

She had no way of knowing that the OP was not disabled. disabled doesn't mean "Wheelchair User". The OP might have wanted more room to deal with a colostomy bag for example or some other non visible problem.

It makes perfect sense for everyone to use all the available toilets, but to allow anyone who is in special need to go to the front. That way in the worst case the disabled person only has to wait for the current person to come out. Just like they would if it were another disabled person in there. This would mean an average wait of perhaps 1-2 mins so hardly a problem.

Someone who has a medical problem (or perhaps is pregnant) and can't wait should be able to go to the front of ANY of the queues. After all you might have something wrong with your bladder, but not need a wider toilet as such.

People talk like you get a free toilet as some kind of reward for being disabled. It's meant to be a practical thing and nothing to do with entitlement. By the way most people argue it a deaf person would be entitled to use the disabled toilet while a pregnant woman or someone with a recently developed bladder problem would not.

Altinkum- the OP WASNT disabled! I dont think the woman swearing was at all right but how many times do you think she has come across this? Being forced to wait, possibly becoming incontinent for other peoples convenience? Im guessing quite a lot by the responses on here...

"those less fortunate"

And the way you speak about disabled people Gemsy sounds a tad patronising to me.

FWIW I would always let someone with small children go ahead of me in the loos, not because they are entitled or princessy, but because a toddler cannot wait, and it helps no one if they wee on the floor! Perhaps if more people did this, parents would not use the accessible loos.

I too had continence problems after having my ds.

So would it have been ok for me to wet myself and be publicly humiliated whilst waiting in a queue for the ladies, when there were 4 empty accessible toilets across the hall?

Or would that have been ok because I made the lifestyle choice to have a child .

It's just a toilet that you can get a wheelchair into.

Onagar thats irrelevant- there was not another disabled person using the toilet..there was not someone with an invisible disability, thats nowhere near the issue here. The OP admitted they didnt fancy waiting. Well tough shit, no doubt the wheelchair user didnt fancy sitting in a pool of their own wee/poo because of the poor OP's inconvenience.

The OP was not using the disabled loo because she needed the space or one of the kids was dancing, she was using it because she couldn't be arsed waiting. She was being BU.

gemsy I use the disabled toilet with my 6 year old daughter occasionally if they is a long queue for the womens. She had a serious illness as a toddler and since then has suffered repeated urinary infections and pain. Should I make her wait in pain and possibly wet herself (not her fault) causing her humiliation and distress just in case someone needs the disabled?

So if someone is in a wheelchair and has mobility issues they are on a level playing field with someone who is fully able Marianne? I'd give up if I were you!

Yes, but the discussion has moved on somewhat, to more general use of accessible toilets. Gemsy seems to be saying that there are no circumstances where it is acceptable.

"People talk like you get a free toilet as some kind of reward for being disabled. It's meant to be a practical thing and nothing to do with entitlement. By the way most people argue it a deaf person would be entitled to use the disabled toilet while a pregnant woman or someone with a recently developed bladder problem would not."

Agree with the above.