to use the disabled toilet in this situation?

[dolldaggabuzzbuzz]

I took mine and my sister's DCs for a nice day out to the cinema. There was just me and 4 kids aged between 3 and 5. After we bought our tickets I took them to the Ladies toilet, they were all engaged and there were a few people waiting.

I decided not to wait and took the DCs out to the disabled toilet as there was no one using or waiting for it. When we had all finished we were washing our hands when someone tried the door, one of the DCs had unlocked it and this woman in a wheelchair came in with her partner, I said I won't be a minute. She glared at me and muttered some things.

I was really embarrassed that I had been caught out using the disabled toilet and I wanted to apologise to the lady for keeping her waiting (for less than a minute!) but she was really, really angry. The DCs ran out in opposite directions and I quickly said sorry to the lady and as I walked off she screamed "Bitch!" at me. I never turned back to look at her. I don't think the DCs noticed anything!

I was so upset I couldn't get it out of my head throughout the film, and it ruined my day. I don't think what I did was that bad. I thought that woman was really horrible. AIBU?

'It's just a toilet that you can get a wheelchair into.'

no it's not

it's a toilet you can get onto from a wheelchair

it has a lower sink and hand dryer so you can reach them from a wheelchair

it often has a panic button installed

and yes, incontinence is a fine reason to use a disabled loo

but that's not why the op used it

She probably knew damn well she wasnt disabled or else why would she apologise for using it?

DrSpoc Please refrain from using the term normal whence describing the opposite of disabled. Non-disabled is the most appropriate term.

Agree with slightlymad72

the other scenarios you're all coming up with are irrelevant to the thread
the op doesn't say anything about a 3 yr old with urinary tract infections for example

Use a sling- carry the child- all CHOICES you can make that someone stuck in a wheelchair cannot

Not always, my disabilities mean I am unable to carry a baby in a sling, I have to use a pram. I am physically too weak and in pain (hypotonia and fibromyalgia) to carry a child long distances, I have dyspraxia and hypermobile ankles so chances are if I carry my child in a sling I will fall over/trip (which I do frequently) and probably crush the poor baby. DP is also clumsy but not dyspraxic and he would never carry the baby in a sling as he's too scared he'll fall over. I cannot take the risk of carrying a baby in a sling as if I fell over I would know I knew my dyspraxia put me at greater risk and feel awful.

My Mum used to take me in to disabled toilets as a child, I had undiagnosed SN and a chronic water infection/weak bladder which meant I would only have a few minutes warning before I wet myself. I'm in my 20s and still wet myself occasionally. Some children can't wait for medical reasons, my Mum wasn't prepared that I should wet myself in public for the sake of leaving an unused toilet empty - I would only take a minute and if someone did appear with a wheelchair she would explain I had a medical problem and couldn't wait. I will would use a disabled toilet when there is a long queue regardless of the fact I do not look disabled or use a wheelchair. If someone in a chair challenged me I would just say 'My disabilities are invisible, I have a bladder problem and could not wait'.

Someone with urge incontinence from a medical problem is very different from someone needing to go because they have a child with a normal bladder capacity/a pushchair.

It is possible that the woman may have had an accident in the past waiting for the toilet. It is possible that she was just a horrible woman.

Yes but you have a medical need- FFS do people purely just read what they want? Why am I even asking that?

bemybebe - it is entirely possible that a man was told not to take DDs into the loo - has happened to my DH before in Eurodisney, luckily I turned up soon with DD1 - he'd been refused entry to the loo with DD2 and was told to send her into the ladies and wait outside. She was 3 - how on earth was she supposed to manage by herself in an unfamiliar loo?

Suggest you all move to Basingstoke (or hope your local council is a s sensible) - the new shopping centre loos have men, women, disabled and "family" ie some huge cubicles with 2 loos and a changing table. The local Debenhams built the same (though it is right next to the gents and I did surprise one poor old chap who obviously got the wrong door as I flung it open and he was stood there, presumably wondering why it was a loo not a urinal!)

If I were the OP I would not have gone to the disabled loos - would have made the kids go in turn as I stood with the others outside 1 cubicle (2 adjacent if lucky enought to find) and if a child was desperate would have asked politely to push in.

Have been on receiving end of abuse from the elderly (possibly disabled) - the baby change at Waterloo station is accessed by the same door as the disabled loo - I took DD2 for a nappy change and DD1 (age 10 then) needed the loo, one in baby change was blocked. Rather than send her down the stairs by herself (turnstile at the bottom is also a sod to negotiate with even a small folded stroller) I let her use the loo. As we left I opened the door for an elderly lady who told DD1 in no uncertain terms that she should not be in here as it was for old ladies. At which point DD1 cried and then had the hump for the rest of the afternoon as she felt mortified that she'd upset someone. So loo user was BU for swearing, even if she felt justified.

Would you have had a go at me Gemsy if I'd used the disabled loo as opposed to soiling myself?

Exactly compo- methinks some know exactly how wrong they are and a few straws to clutch at will make them feel a little better.

For example how am i to know if the person/people using the disabled toilet that i am waiting outside to use with my severly disabled child is being used by disabled people or non-disabled people?

If i posed the question "Are you disabled, therefore are you entitled to ude the facility?", they might then claim to be disabled too.

Not worth a fight over especially if they just 'had to go!'.

I really do not see a prob.

use

Jenai- how the hell does you soiling yourself relate to someone using the disabled loos because they have kids/a buggy in anyway at all?

i dont honestly think the disabled woman would have complained, had OP explained that either her or one of the kids had a condtion. but OP didnt. she apologised for using the disabled loo when she knows she shouldnt have

Personally I think the real villains of the piece are those that design these places (cinemas/shopping centres) etc. Read an interesting article a while ago saying that as almost all of the designers/architects involved were able bodied men they designed buildings from their own perspective. Hence proper provision not being made for disabled/those dealing with young children. Really struck a chord as before having children I wouldnt have given issues such as the ones voiced on this thread a second thought. Having been wheelchair bound with SPD then dealing with a baby and a toddler I really saw things differently and realised the journalist had a point.

Because I am not and have never been disabled. But I have used the disable loo when I've had bowel problems.

My last post x-posted with another of yours though.

FWIW I do think the op was U. 4 dcs and her were going to take an age and there really was no need to take them all into the same cubicle (on this occassion).

OTOH if ds had been about to wet himself I'd have taken him straight into the disabled loo (and been in and out in seconds) with no guilt.

Completely agree with kerala - if they made a disabled toilet and a parent and child toilet then some of the problems might be solved.

And FWIW even with a PFB you can go to an average loo cubicle - I used to take DD out of the buggy. Yes, you need to do a bit of contorting to go the the loo whilst holding baby but it is not impossible! If you are that concerned about someone nicking your buggy, bike lock it to a pipe! (never had one desirable enough to be stolen, but used to use a bike lock when at theme parks and had to leave buggy while queuing)

Gemsy - the toilet is for everyone and was empty, so Op was not out of order. The disabled bad temepred bint did not piss her self (may have but no one knows) - the woman would of had to wait if another disabled person was in the toilet at the time so the point was very relivant.

Now we're going to have someone (probably Gemsy) say: "But parent and child toilets are a luxury, not a necessity!"

I wonder what would happen if they made all toilets wide and with low sinks etc. If a wheelchair user could comfortably use any of them would you still be required to keep one empty in case one came along and for what reason?