Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to use the disabled toilet in this situation?

1004 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 06/04/2011 12:50

I took mine and my sister's DCs for a nice day out to the cinema. There was just me and 4 kids aged between 3 and 5. After we bought our tickets I took them to the Ladies toilet, they were all engaged and there were a few people waiting.

I decided not to wait and took the DCs out to the disabled toilet as there was no one using or waiting for it. When we had all finished we were washing our hands when someone tried the door, one of the DCs had unlocked it and this woman in a wheelchair came in with her partner, I said I won't be a minute. She glared at me and muttered some things.

I was really embarrassed that I had been caught out using the disabled toilet and I wanted to apologise to the lady for keeping her waiting (for less than a minute!) but she was really, really angry. The DCs ran out in opposite directions and I quickly said sorry to the lady and as I walked off she screamed "Bitch!" at me. I never turned back to look at her. I don't think the DCs noticed anything!

I was so upset I couldn't get it out of my head throughout the film, and it ruined my day. I don't think what I did was that bad. I thought that woman was really horrible. AIBU?

OP posts:
Ephiny · 06/04/2011 13:13

She didn't need to scream at you and be so rude, but to be fair you shouldn't have been using the accessible toilet if you didn't need it. It's difficult enough getting out and about if you have to use a wheelchair, without selfish people taking up the facilities that were put there to help you participate in normal life.

purepurple · 06/04/2011 13:14

YANBU
The woman in a wheelchair would have had to wait if you were disabled yourself as you were already in the loo.

BumWiper · 06/04/2011 13:14

hes been asked to leave the toilets before.he would have dd3 in the buggy,and one of the older ones using the toilet.

its probably to protect men using the urinals from being accused of exposing themselves to a child.

MrsRyanReynolds · 06/04/2011 13:15

YANBU

Like someone else said, I don't think there is a law relating to able bodied people not being allowed to use the disabled toilet.

It is there to offer a facility to those who need the extra space and facilities (handrails, lower sink etc), but I wasn't aware it was for exclusive use by those in a wheelchair.

I often use the disabled toilet when I am out as I have a toddler in a buggy and I can't fit into the normal ladies cubicles.

I am sure you would be hard pushed to fit yourself and four children into a single cubicle.

I think I would have challenged the "bitch" comment TBH.

bemybebe · 06/04/2011 13:15

Sorry, YABtotallyU for using the disable toilet, some disabled people have problems waiting any time, not only for 4 kids. Also, I do not think it takes an adult and four kids below 5 use this facilities for 1 minute, so do not try to pretend it was. Maybe the woman outside was waiting for much longer before deciding to let you know.

That said, it is not right to shout "bitch" at anyone, let alone a mother with 4 children with her. The woman was out of order.

Rhinestone · 06/04/2011 13:16

YANBU - I would have done the same with 4 small children. In a sense they are 'disabled' (albeit temporarily) if you go into a cubicle and leave them by themselves as you are unable to supervise them.

The woman had no cause to swear at you - she was just incredibly rude. How did she know one of the children didn't have a disability? Or you?

Gemsy83 · 06/04/2011 13:17

Tbh im a bit [shocked] at the sense of entitlement of some people for such trivial reasons

1980Sport · 06/04/2011 13:18

YANBU - how could you have managed 4 children in one toilet? Even the oldest was too young to leave outside. I used a disabled toilet yesterday as I had my two DC in their pram and the pram wouldn't fit in the ladies. I'd have been very upset if someone had sworn at me and there's no point even trying to explain or reason with someone in that type of mood - try to put it out of your mind!!

FaultyGoods · 06/04/2011 13:19

But Ephiny she could still use the facilities, they were accessible. OP wasn't hogging the toilet and deliberately refusing this woman access. She may quite often have to wait if someone else is using it - because it is a public toilet, not her house.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 06/04/2011 13:19

The woman had no idea whether you (or one of your DCs) had a disability.

In the past I've had bowel problems that might not constitue a disability, but I'd sure as hell have used a disabled loo if need be.

Bramshott · 06/04/2011 13:20

Screaming "bitch" was very rude, especially as you had already apologised. With hindsight, using the disabled toilet probably wasn't the right thing to do in that situation.

However, from other posters, can we PLEASE get rid of this notion that parents out with a child of the opposite gender have to use the disabled toilets! You take the child into the appropriate toiles for the adult's gender until they are old enough to go in by themselves - so DDs into the gents with dad and DSs into the ladies with mum. Why on earth that should be controversial / cause for debate I don't know!

orangehead · 06/04/2011 13:20

You probably shouldnt of used it but no law against it. I sometimes use disabled toilets as I have bladder and bowel problems. The woman is being unreasonable as not all disabilities are visable and wrong of her to assume just because someone is not in a wheelchair they are not in disabled. She also very unreasonable to call you a bitch especially infront of children

bubblecoral · 06/04/2011 13:20

Sorry, YABtotallyU for using the disable toilet, some disabled people have problems waiting any time

But if it had been a disabled person using the toilet the woman would still have had to wait. Disabled people tend to take slightly longer in the toilets.

I don't see why it's ok to say that we should allow a young child to have an accident because they can't wait, but not a disabled person.

Gemsy83 · 06/04/2011 13:20

But some are not disabled/baby change toilets- they are purely disabled toilets, the only ones people in wheelchairs can access. A child in a pram is not a disability. Having 4 kids is a lifestyle choice- disability isnt!

BristolJim · 06/04/2011 13:21

I always use the disabled toilets. They're much nicer. They are not for the exclusive use of disabled people but an additional disabled-friendly facility for use by all.

Queueing for the toilets when there are toilets free is daft and this woman was being simply a self-centered bitch.

lili2010 · 06/04/2011 13:21

I would have used the disabled toilet in that situation too. It was empty when you arrived. She sound like a rude women.

Gemsy83 · 06/04/2011 13:22

But the whole point is it WASNT a disabled person she had to wait for- hence the outburst (which although was wrong was probably bought about by seeing yet another able bodied adult with an over inflated sense of entitlement holding up her using the facilities provided for DISABLED people)

compo · 06/04/2011 13:23

'I always use the disabled toilets. They're much nicer. They are not for the exclusive use of disabled people but an additional disabled-friendly facility for use by all.'

what a load of tosh

sorry!

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 06/04/2011 13:23

Well she shouldnt have spoken to you like that but really you shouldnt have been in the disabled loos - you should have just queued with the rest of the people waiting.

Disabled loos are for.....well, the disabled!

daimbardiva · 06/04/2011 13:24

YANBU - the disabled lady definitely was. Really rude, totally unnecessary and totally out of order in front of children. I'd be upset too. I've used disabled toilets in the past too - a lot of the time they are where the baby changing bit is, and sometimes the baby changing place doesn't have a toilet so if I need the loo I have to take the buggy into the disabled toilet as there is no room to take it in to normal toilets, and there's no way I'd leave my child outside.

MrsRyanReynolds · 06/04/2011 13:24

Gemsy83 - are you suggesting that someone with four children should never go out then? As they would clearly be unable to use any public toilet facilities....... Hmm

FaultyGoods · 06/04/2011 13:24

Over inflated? Hmm I think OP probably saw it as a practical solution to taking four under-fives to the toilet.

colditz · 06/04/2011 13:24

I've had insults thown at me becuase I've walked out of a disabled toilet with Ds's 1 and 2, aged 5 and 8. Ds1, aged 8, needs constant supervision. You cannot fit an adult and 2 large children into a cubicle. Ds2 is not old enough to go in alone. If I left him sat in a restaurant while I took Ds2 to the loo, I would come back and he would be behind the counter trying to see how the till works. Or he'd be gone.

I ignore them because people with diabilities come in all shapes, sizes and personality types and being in a wheelchair does not stop someone being a dickhead.

TandB · 06/04/2011 13:25

Horrified by some of the responses on this thread.

You were totally unreasonable. She shouldn't have shouted at you but that doesn't retrospectively absolve you of unreasonableness.

The disabled toilets are there for a reason. If you are not disabled, don't use them. Don't make life any more difficult for someone than it has to be.

MrsRyanReynolds · 06/04/2011 13:26

TBH I think they should be renamed "accessible toilets"

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.