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AIBU?

Leaving my wife and new born baby at home to go to a wedding

155 replies

tryingtobeagooddadandhusband · 05/04/2011 13:07

Am I being unreasonable to leave my wife and baby at home to go to my brother's wedding 7 weeks after my wife has given birth? I would have to leave very early in the morning and be back at about 9pm.

I am thinking that this is a huge event for my brother and would be sad for him if I could not make the wedding. On the other hand, my wife is very panicked about the thought of me being away for the day and the damage it would do to the baby for me to be away that long.

Please help! I hate the arguments it causes with my wife and she feels betrayed by the split loyalty feelings I have.

OP posts:

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millie30 · 05/04/2011 13:08

Why can't your wife and baby go with you?

DeepPurple · 05/04/2011 13:08

Why can't they go too?

wheredidyoulastseeit · 05/04/2011 13:09

Is there any reason why she can't go with you?

FabbyChic · 05/04/2011 13:09

It won't cause any damage to the baby at all, at seven weeks old they do not realise if one of the parents is away, so long as they are fed, changed and cuddled when they cry they won't know the difference.

Why can't your wife travel with you?

Jaydles · 05/04/2011 13:09

Is this just for one day? I don't think leaving your baby alone with your wife for a day would cause much damage to the child. Make sure you take over the next day and let her have a rest. Has she said that she doesn't want you to go?
Seperate question but isn't your wife invited to your brother's wedding?

backwardpossom · 05/04/2011 13:10

Is this for real? the damage it would do to the baby for me to be away that long? Really?

FabbyChic · 05/04/2011 13:10

As an aside does she say the same when you work? You are away from home then aren't you?

lorelilee · 05/04/2011 13:10

I think you should go. Your brother will only marry once (hopefully!) and your wife might surprise herself with how well she can cope. The wee one wont notice whether you're there or not!

basana · 05/04/2011 13:10

your wife should go with you. It is unthinkable for you to miss your brother's wedding. She should go too! Does she have anxiety issues? Does she have a friend or relative who could spend the day with her if she is too worried to go herself. You are not being unreasonable.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 05/04/2011 13:10

YANBU - by 7 weeks your wife will have found her feet I'm sure and as for being away that long damaging the baby.....WTF???? It's not for very long at all.

Why are they not going with you?

It's your brother...go and dont be made to feel guilty!

Okonomiyaki · 05/04/2011 13:10

The baby won't notice!

Can anyone come over to help your wife that day?

Depending on your baby's temperament it might also be possible for her to go too. Wouldn't have worked with mine but you never know...

nethunsreject · 05/04/2011 13:11

Yanbu.

However, could someone else spend the day with her if she doesn't want to be alone all day, Mum, sister, pal?

A lot of partners have working days that long so I don't know why she is so very concerned? What is the background?

basana · 05/04/2011 13:11

The "damage" bit is rubbish too as others have said - presumably you have a job and work anyway? It's what made me think maybe there are other issues here?

Salmotrutta · 05/04/2011 13:11

Yes, why can't your wife and baby go too? Does she think babies must stay inside for the first 2-3 months or something? Serious question by the way - some new mums seem reluctant to take babies out and about.

On the other hand, my wife is very panicked about the thought of me being away for the day and the damage it would do to the baby for me to be away that long. - really??

I doubt any damage will be done!

Plumm · 05/04/2011 13:11

My DH works away during the week. My baby is 5 weeks and is not damaged by it.

tryingtobeagooddadandhusband · 05/04/2011 13:12

She has health problems and would not be able to face the journey unfortunately.

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 05/04/2011 13:12

is it a child-free wedding? is that why she can't go? Or does she not feel up to it?

I think you should go. I think if your wife is happy to, she should go with you and you should stay over at a hotel, even if she is not able to go to the wedding for whatever reason, she could be in the hotel or go out with the baby while you do your duty and then you won't have been away from her for so long.

OR - ask some friend or one of her family to come and stay with her while you're away.

But do go.

GandTiceandaslice · 05/04/2011 13:12

I can't see why your wife & baby can't go unless it's a no baby wedding.
But your wife & baby will be fine.
My dh went away for a week when my PFB was 4 weeks old. We survived.
Maybe she is just worried, having a baby is going into the unknown.
BUT I assume you will be going back to work. She will have to cope then, won't she?

thumbwitch · 05/04/2011 13:13

damn x-post.
Ok, can you get someone to come and stay with her while you're away?

FrameyMcFrame · 05/04/2011 13:13

No, you're not BU, I don't understand why they can't go with you though?

If she doesn't want to go then I would say it's quite reasonable for you to go on your own. It's just for a day, I don't see why this would cause her to feel betrayed!

By the way, how on earth will you being away for the day 'damage' your baby?

pooka · 05/04/2011 13:13

Oh dear.

What do you mean by "damage it would do to the baby"?

You're not going to be away for all that much longer than you would if you were at work and delayed on commute, or at work and working late. Or on business trip. Or any other scenario that would see you out of the house for a long day.

7 days - maybe tough, but cope-able (DH went back to work 8 - 6 3 days after dd was born - was tough and I made sure with subsequent kids that he had 2 weeks off, though mostly because of practicalities of dealing with several children).
7 weeks - I think that it would not be unreasonable at all to attend important event, including wedding. But why can't your wife and baby come too?

nethunsreject · 05/04/2011 13:13

Well, get a frined to spend some time with her that day.

I am also a bit confused about the harm to the baby?!?

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scaryteacher · 05/04/2011 13:13

My husband had gone back to sea by the time our ds was 7 weeks old, and ds doesn't seem to be too emotionally scarred by this; he is now 15!

It won't damage the baby for you to be away for a day, and by 7 weeks, your wife should be coping OK. I can understand her not wanting to go with you, but there is no reason why you can't go. How will she cope when you go back to work?

FabbyChic · 05/04/2011 13:14

I think you should go, the baby will be fine, as will your wife, she has to learn to cope on her own at somepoint.

thumbwitch · 05/04/2011 13:14

How bad are these health problems - can she not cope with the baby on her own?

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