AIBU?
Leaving my wife and new born baby at home to go to a wedding
tryingtobeagooddadandhusband · 05/04/2011 13:07
Am I being unreasonable to leave my wife and baby at home to go to my brother's wedding 7 weeks after my wife has given birth? I would have to leave very early in the morning and be back at about 9pm.
I am thinking that this is a huge event for my brother and would be sad for him if I could not make the wedding. On the other hand, my wife is very panicked about the thought of me being away for the day and the damage it would do to the baby for me to be away that long.
Please help! I hate the arguments it causes with my wife and she feels betrayed by the split loyalty feelings I have.
Jaydles · 05/04/2011 13:09
Is this just for one day? I don't think leaving your baby alone with your wife for a day would cause much damage to the child. Make sure you take over the next day and let her have a rest. Has she said that she doesn't want you to go?
Seperate question but isn't your wife invited to your brother's wedding?
basana · 05/04/2011 13:10
your wife should go with you. It is unthinkable for you to miss your brother's wedding. She should go too! Does she have anxiety issues? Does she have a friend or relative who could spend the day with her if she is too worried to go herself. You are not being unreasonable.
Desperateforthinnerthighs · 05/04/2011 13:10
YANBU - by 7 weeks your wife will have found her feet I'm sure and as for being away that long damaging the baby.....WTF???? It's not for very long at all.
Why are they not going with you?
It's your brother...go and dont be made to feel guilty!
Salmotrutta · 05/04/2011 13:11
Yes, why can't your wife and baby go too? Does she think babies must stay inside for the first 2-3 months or something? Serious question by the way - some new mums seem reluctant to take babies out and about.
On the other hand, my wife is very panicked about the thought of me being away for the day and the damage it would do to the baby for me to be away that long. - really?? 
I doubt any damage will be done!
thumbwitch · 05/04/2011 13:12
is it a child-free wedding? is that why she can't go? Or does she not feel up to it?
I think you should go. I think if your wife is happy to, she should go with you and you should stay over at a hotel, even if she is not able to go to the wedding for whatever reason, she could be in the hotel or go out with the baby while you do your duty and then you won't have been away from her for so long.
OR - ask some friend or one of her family to come and stay with her while you're away.
But do go.
GandTiceandaslice · 05/04/2011 13:12
I can't see why your wife & baby can't go unless it's a no baby wedding.
But your wife & baby will be fine.
My dh went away for a week when my PFB was 4 weeks old. We survived.
Maybe she is just worried, having a baby is going into the unknown.
BUT I assume you will be going back to work. She will have to cope then, won't she?
FrameyMcFrame · 05/04/2011 13:13
No, you're not BU, I don't understand why they can't go with you though?
If she doesn't want to go then I would say it's quite reasonable for you to go on your own. It's just for a day, I don't see why this would cause her to feel betrayed!
By the way, how on earth will you being away for the day 'damage' your baby?
pooka · 05/04/2011 13:13
Oh dear.
What do you mean by "damage it would do to the baby"?
You're not going to be away for all that much longer than you would if you were at work and delayed on commute, or at work and working late. Or on business trip. Or any other scenario that would see you out of the house for a long day.
7 days - maybe tough, but cope-able (DH went back to work 8 - 6 3 days after dd was born - was tough and I made sure with subsequent kids that he had 2 weeks off, though mostly because of practicalities of dealing with several children).
7 weeks - I think that it would not be unreasonable at all to attend important event, including wedding. But why can't your wife and baby come too?
scaryteacher · 05/04/2011 13:13
My husband had gone back to sea by the time our ds was 7 weeks old, and ds doesn't seem to be too emotionally scarred by this; he is now 15!
It won't damage the baby for you to be away for a day, and by 7 weeks, your wife should be coping OK. I can understand her not wanting to go with you, but there is no reason why you can't go. How will she cope when you go back to work?
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.