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To want to punch that woman in Tesco today for being judgey...

303 replies

angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:07

So DH and I went to Tescos today to buy some food as we have completely run out of food. We have DS1 who is 3.1 and DS2 who is 17 months old. They took turns to sit on trolley or go for a wander with DH. I did most of the shopping, DH spent much of the time putting stuff DS1 took off the shelves or involving them in our shopping by getting them to help put stuff on the trolley. All good and well. As we finished paying and bagging up, I wanted to buy some flowers for MIL who we are taking out for lunch tomorrow. DS1 and DS2 spend one day a week with her and they love her dearly. So I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers. Told DH to take the shopping back to the car while I take both DSs to choose some flowers.

While DS1 and I were busy choosing some flowers, DS2 wandered off to the toy shelves and took a few things off the shelf and then was playing (pushing buttons mostly!) with the toys on the shelf. He wasn't causing any trouble or in the way. After choosing the flowers, I went over to get DS2, I led him a couple of feet away from the toys to tell him he needs to put the toy he was holding back, fully intending to pick up the other toys on the floor when we got back. This woman in her 50s started shaking her head at us and tutting as obviously she thought we were going to leave the mess (we weren't walking away, we were standing a few feet away). It made me so angry! I'm usually really non-confrontational but I said to her, 'What is your problem? Are you going to help or are you just going to stand there and judge? He's only 17 months old!' And she had the cheek to say to me, 'Teach him then, my children NEVER did that.' And just walked away! I honestly wanted to lamp her one (and I'm not a violent person, usually! Grin).

It really spoilt my afternoon as we had the children under control our whole shopping trip and I only had them both with me as I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers for MIL and I 'left' DS2 for a few minutes (he was within sight the whole time) just so DS1 could choose the flowers he wanted. (I guess on hindsight, DH should have taken DS2 but hindsight is always 20/20!) And like I said, he wasn't tearing around the place, chucking stuff off shelves or anything. He took a few things off the shelf and was happily playing with one of the toys. DS2 is the sweetest thing you have ever met. I just feel so Angry I got judged by this silly woman. Argh! If I was the lady and I was walking by and saw that, I would have just helped me and DS2 by picking up the toys and putting them back on the shelves. It's not easy to shop with young ones. So AIBU??????

OP posts:

louloudia · 02/04/2011 21:11

i think you are out of order to be honest


JarethTheGoblinKing · 02/04/2011 21:13

I don't think you are out of order, and I think people should mind their own frigging business.


SarkyLady · 02/04/2011 21:13

It spoilt your afternoon?



midori1999 · 02/04/2011 21:14

I have to say, if my DC were taking toys off the shelves and playing with them in Tesco (or any shop) I wouldn't consider them under control. The toys are there for people to look at and buy. Not for children to play with and so keep them amused when their parent shave no intention of buying them. Hmm


FudgeGirl · 02/04/2011 21:15


If I was that woman and you'd spoken like that to me, I'd have wanted to lamp YOU one!!! Grin Rather than the other way round.

There really was no need to say anything, you should have just put the stuff he'd pulled off the shelves back straight away.


hecate · 02/04/2011 21:15

I think you were actually. I don't think people should allow their children to take things off supermarket shelves and play with them, making a mess. Even if you were going to tidy it up afterwards. It is a supermarket, things on shelves are on display for people to take off the shelves and buy. It isn't a play area.


happyteetotal · 02/04/2011 21:15

I'm confused as to why you asked her if she was going to help considering your child had pulled the toys off the shelf.


bigbeagleeyes · 02/04/2011 21:16

See these women in their 50s, they're all out to get you.


angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:16

I just wanted to rant to be honest! Just feel people aren't very tolerant about small toddlers out in public. It's not as if I take them to the supermarket for fun. I try not to usually but I work part-time and the kids are with me when I don't work so it's not as if I have much choice! I do usually keep them both in the trolley and bribe with snacks if I'm by myself. Oh well... This was always going to be divisive I guess...

OP posts:

SherbetDibDab · 02/04/2011 21:16

YANBU. I've been tutted by people in supermarkets because I can't get my heavily laden, food/child filled trolley out their way fast enough.
I'd let it go and forget it.


Mamaz0n · 02/04/2011 21:16

part of me says that it was a supermarket not a playgroup. the toys are to be sold not played with.

But on the whole i would say that people should mind their own business.


ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 02/04/2011 21:16

I understand where you are coming from, I do judge people when we're out (who doesn't?) but I never say or do anything to let them know what I'm's more of a "Did you see that..." to dh once we're out of earshot :o

I remember trying to shop with ds when he was a few weeks old and would constantly cry in the evenings (the only time we could shop) I just wanted the ground to swallow me up and the looks to stop!!!


Vallhala · 02/04/2011 21:16

Sorry, but my children never did that either. I have two DC who were born within less that two years of each other but despite that they were held onto/put in the trolley seats/on reins/in a buggy and were not allowed to wander off and touch things from the shelves or play with them. It's a bad-mannered habit I didn't want to encourage.

YABU to let your child wander off and play with things which are neither yours nor his and YABU to expect the other shopper to pick up after YOUR child.


ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 02/04/2011 21:16

Why did you have to take him a few feet away from the toys to tell him to put them back?

Were you worried they'd overhear and get upset?

No wonder she thought you were fecking off without putting things back



Moomoomie · 02/04/2011 21:17

You are being very precious.
Toys on the floor in a supermarket can be a hazard to people trying to do their shopping.
You need to toughen up a bit if it ruined your afternoon.


doley · 02/04/2011 21:17

I am in the US right now ,I can assure you that would not have happened here ~she prob would have offered to help :)

You are not being unreasonable ...not one bit .

You described a tough shipping trip (with little ones it always is ) and I think you handled it REALLY well :)

There will always be busy bodies unfortunately ...don't let her silly .foolish crap bother you anymore today !

BTW ,what flowers did he pick out ?


PaisleyLeaf · 02/04/2011 21:17

I don't think it was the mess she was tutting about it was that those toys are for someone else to buy.


angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:19

DS1 picked out a gerbera plant in a pink pot, it's very sweet... I know I shouldn't let it get to me but they really are sweet kids and it's usually DS1 causing trouble, DS2 is a sweet little thing, he's just little, he doesn't understand. Probably why I feel upset on his behalf. :)

OP posts:

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2011 21:19

Sorry but I think YABU - your DS should learn not to take things off the shelf and make a mess. What if he had broken something?
And you were a bit odd to expect the woman to help you - wasn't her mess, even if she was tutting and being annoying.


angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:20

Trust me, I ain't taking them out of the trolley again after this one! :) But guess I'm wrong on this count...

OP posts:

HaggisNeepsnTatties · 02/04/2011 21:21

Shop online then they can mess your house and you won't have to worry......


Loshad · 02/04/2011 21:21

YABU - why did you all need to go to Tescos on a saturday - the kids would have had more fun if one of you had taken them to the park and the other done the shopping, plus toys in shops are for buying not playing with, and having them on the floor can be a real hazard, particulalru if you are pushing a trolley. My elderly mother had a dreadful tumble recently in a supermarket falling over something left/dropped on the floor that she hadn't seen in front of her trolley.


SarahStrattonHasNiceBears · 02/04/2011 21:21

I'd have judged too. Your DS was not under control, he was pulling toys off the shelf and playing with them. They are for sale, not to play with. And then you were rude to her.

It's not that difficult to teach children to sit in a trolley and behave.


StewieGriffinsMom · 02/04/2011 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreudianSlippery · 02/04/2011 21:22

YANBU to be annoyed that she judged you.

But in the nicest possible way - get over it. She was just a busybody and you shouldn't let it spoil your day.

Roll your eyes at her rudeness and move on :)

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