To want to punch that woman in Tesco today for being judgey...

[angel1976]

So DH and I went to Tescos today to buy some food as we have completely run out of food. We have DS1 who is 3.1 and DS2 who is 17 months old. They took turns to sit on trolley or go for a wander with DH. I did most of the shopping, DH spent much of the time putting stuff DS1 took off the shelves or involving them in our shopping by getting them to help put stuff on the trolley. All good and well. As we finished paying and bagging up, I wanted to buy some flowers for MIL who we are taking out for lunch tomorrow. DS1 and DS2 spend one day a week with her and they love her dearly. So I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers. Told DH to take the shopping back to the car while I take both DSs to choose some flowers.

While DS1 and I were busy choosing some flowers, DS2 wandered off to the toy shelves and took a few things off the shelf and then was playing (pushing buttons mostly!) with the toys on the shelf. He wasn't causing any trouble or in the way. After choosing the flowers, I went over to get DS2, I led him a couple of feet away from the toys to tell him he needs to put the toy he was holding back, fully intending to pick up the other toys on the floor when we got back. This woman in her 50s started shaking her head at us and tutting as obviously she thought we were going to leave the mess (we weren't walking away, we were standing a few feet away). It made me so angry! I'm usually really non-confrontational but I said to her, 'What is your problem? Are you going to help or are you just going to stand there and judge? He's only 17 months old!' And she had the cheek to say to me, 'Teach him then, my children NEVER did that.' And just walked away! I honestly wanted to lamp her one (and I'm not a violent person, usually! ).

It really spoilt my afternoon as we had the children under control our whole shopping trip and I only had them both with me as I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers for MIL and I 'left' DS2 for a few minutes (he was within sight the whole time) just so DS1 could choose the flowers he wanted. (I guess on hindsight, DH should have taken DS2 but hindsight is always 20/20!) And like I said, he wasn't tearing around the place, chucking stuff off shelves or anything. He took a few things off the shelf and was happily playing with one of the toys. DS2 is the sweetest thing you have ever met. I just feel so I got judged by this silly woman. Argh! If I was the lady and I was walking by and saw that, I would have just helped me and DS2 by picking up the toys and putting them back on the shelves. It's not easy to shop with young ones. So AIBU??????

[Rosebud05]

Well, if shops don't want kids playing with the toys, they should put them out of their reach.

Oh, hang on. The shops do want kids to play with them, so they can pester their parents into buying them.

[buttonmooncup]

Awhiteelephantintheroom really bad? Get a grip woman! Shops that sell toys WANT the kids to try them and pester their parents to buy them.

And I don't buy the argument that a few toys on the floor near the shelf are a particular hazard. If you don't look where you're going in a supermarket full of trolleys, pallets of stock being put on shelves, wet floor signs and small children (possibly playing with toys) then you are causing yourself a hazard!

[EmmaBemma]

I'm surprised people have a problem with children playing with the toys on display in shops like Tesco. They're always at child height, and are packaged in such a way as to allow button pressing and so on. I don't think I'd let my (3 yr old) daughter take stuff off the shelves and play with it, and we wouldn't linger long in the toy section, but I don't see that there's a problem in principle with children handling the toys even if their parents aren't going to buy them. I think some of you are being more than a little precious.

[Awhiteelephantintheroom]

I have a grip, thanks very much Buttonmooncup. I think it is really bad.

[suebfg]

I don't think you were unreasonable - I think there are a lot of older women out there who have either (a) forgotten what it is like to have young children or (ii) never had any in the first place and cannot empathise. She shouldn't have been judgmental and I can fully understand why you might have reacted as you did - being a parent can be stressful at times.

[EmmaBemma]

Now reading the thread, I see I've repeated much of Lyra's post almost verbatim... needless to say, I agree with her. "really bad"... whiteelephant, get a grip. honestly.

[Awhiteelephantintheroom]

Handling the toys a little, fine. Removing all the toys from the shelf as described in the OP, or leaving children in the toy department whilst going off to do a weekly shop, not fine.

[LyraSilvertongue]

Awhiteelephantintheroom, no it's not 'really bad'. Who's being harmed? Sometimes we'll buy a toy or two, which we wouldn't have done if the boys hadn't been allowed to try them out. as i said before, the packaging often invites children to 'try me'.
Our local ELC had play sessions once a week where children were encouraged to come along, do some activities and play with the toys. If ELC don't mind toys being touched and tried out, why would Tesco?

[doley]

Mathanxiety I think it is a more tolerant society in the US (especially with regard to kids )

I know if my DD @2 did that, I would get a smile from a few,and a few " Oh,I remember those days" looks ... I would get help clearing up too !

I want to go home to the UK (we are) but I will miss the much more family friendly folk in shops ,and when you are out and about in general :)

I wonder what it is about some British Mothers that makes them feel as if they, and their off- spring are perfect ?
It might not be their fault ~what is going on in the UK and these peoples hearts ?

Not this thread I know

[chickchickchicken]

i think you were wrong to let your 17mth old play with toys on the floor of a supermarket
nothing wrong with try before you buy - you werent doing that. neither were you supervising him
sure all our kids are naughty at some point but you are actually trying to justify your actions
i dont like the comment about old either. we encounter some lovely older people when out shopping. we get some judgey ones too but on the whole if parents are trying to supervise kids i find most people are helpful
yabu with regards to allowing your child to create trip hazard too.
two parents two kids out shopping. why cant they be supervised as well as being allowed to interact in the shopping experience and choosing flowers? your cock up and yet you shout at someone else

[LyraSilvertongue]

"Handling the toys a little, fine. Removing all the toys from the shelf as described in the OP, or leaving children in the toy department whilst going off to do a weekly shop, not fine."

Now you're exaggerating. The OP said he took "a few things" off the shelf, not "all the toys".
And if that last part was aimed at me, I said "while I whiz round and grab a few bits' not "while I do the weekly shop".

[dementedma]

The only bit where YABU is expecting the woman to help clear up the mess your DS made.
Why should she?
otherwise sounds like your DCs were well behaved on the whole

[Awhiteelephantintheroom]

Emmabemma, why do I need to get a grip? Is it not lazy and inconsiderate to other shoppers to leave young children alone in one department whilst going off to do shopping? At 6 and 8, I'm sure the poster wouldn't leave her children home alone would she? What if one of them decides to go off and try and find mum? What if one of them hurts themselves and mum isn't nearby? What if they are over-zealous whilst playing with the toys without adult supervision and break one? But hey, it's okay, as long as it suits the mum and she gets to do child-free shopping.

Yet another example of a parent who thinks the world revolves around her and her children.

[buttonmooncup]

elephant - the OP didn't say that her child had removed ALL the toys from the shelf. And the other poster didn't say that she did her weekly shop while she left her child in the toy aisle - she said she would grab a few bits. But don't let that stop you from exaggerating to try and make yourself look half reasonable.

[GotArt]

I'm thinking the 50+ woman passing through the toy aisle and saying that her children NEVER did that, is one who forgets what it was like when hers were little.

[slartybartfast]

i dont care

[GotArt]

She probably smacked the shit out of them in public too.

[Awhiteelephantintheroom]

Lyra, well it didn't sound like a few things based on the reaction of the "old woman" described by the OP. And yes, the other part was aimed at you, I'd forgotten your username. Whether you whizz round and get a few bits or do a weekly shop, I still think you're in the wrong leaving your children to their own devices.

[buttonmooncup]

Well I wouldn't leave mine (3 and 1!) but if the children are of an age that they can be left unattended for a few minutes I don't think it's neglectful. Or should older kids be watched like a hawk at all times?

[LyraSilvertongue]

They're 6 and 8. They're not babies. They can manage being unsupervised for a few minutes. they would rather be in the toy aisle than have me drag them around the milk and bread aisles.

[pirateparty]

What about in toys r us and elc?

Lots of children I see in those shops play with the toys on display. Not necessarily pulling them off the shelves but pushing buttons etc I've never seen it as much of a problem tbh.

Is a supermarket different?

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Have just reread my post and think I need to remove the broomstick from up my arse.

Nah, I know you didn't really want to punch her. You sound all right OP - don't hide. We have all been battered on AIBU in the past.

[Awhiteelephantintheroom]

They're not older kids, Buttonmooncup, they're 6 and 8!

[fedupofnamechanging]

Not read whole thread yet, but I think that if toys are put on shelving at a level that a 17 month old can reach, then it must be expected that they will be played with by children. So long as you clear up afterwards and pay for anything broken, then I can't see a problem with your child having fun.

I also think it is rude to tut at children doing the things that children do. She was rude first.

[doley]

Well a bit of good news for you all :)

If the UK is now full of 50 somethings (no disrespect, my husband is 52 )
that like to spend their shopping trips giving us the evil eye ... no need to worry. My Mum (at almost 70 ),after being one of those 'rolling eye' brigade is now forgetting that kids can do anything wrong or rude

Even when my daughter @2 told her to "shur-rup" and "go away Skype"

not from me (I have to add )but the perils of big brothers :( unfortunately !