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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to punch that woman in Tesco today for being judgey...

303 replies

angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:07

So DH and I went to Tescos today to buy some food as we have completely run out of food. We have DS1 who is 3.1 and DS2 who is 17 months old. They took turns to sit on trolley or go for a wander with DH. I did most of the shopping, DH spent much of the time putting stuff DS1 took off the shelves or involving them in our shopping by getting them to help put stuff on the trolley. All good and well. As we finished paying and bagging up, I wanted to buy some flowers for MIL who we are taking out for lunch tomorrow. DS1 and DS2 spend one day a week with her and they love her dearly. So I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers. Told DH to take the shopping back to the car while I take both DSs to choose some flowers.

While DS1 and I were busy choosing some flowers, DS2 wandered off to the toy shelves and took a few things off the shelf and then was playing (pushing buttons mostly!) with the toys on the shelf. He wasn't causing any trouble or in the way. After choosing the flowers, I went over to get DS2, I led him a couple of feet away from the toys to tell him he needs to put the toy he was holding back, fully intending to pick up the other toys on the floor when we got back. This woman in her 50s started shaking her head at us and tutting as obviously she thought we were going to leave the mess (we weren't walking away, we were standing a few feet away). It made me so angry! I'm usually really non-confrontational but I said to her, 'What is your problem? Are you going to help or are you just going to stand there and judge? He's only 17 months old!' And she had the cheek to say to me, 'Teach him then, my children NEVER did that.' And just walked away! I honestly wanted to lamp her one (and I'm not a violent person, usually! Grin).

It really spoilt my afternoon as we had the children under control our whole shopping trip and I only had them both with me as I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers for MIL and I 'left' DS2 for a few minutes (he was within sight the whole time) just so DS1 could choose the flowers he wanted. (I guess on hindsight, DH should have taken DS2 but hindsight is always 20/20!) And like I said, he wasn't tearing around the place, chucking stuff off shelves or anything. He took a few things off the shelf and was happily playing with one of the toys. DS2 is the sweetest thing you have ever met. I just feel so Angry I got judged by this silly woman. Argh! If I was the lady and I was walking by and saw that, I would have just helped me and DS2 by picking up the toys and putting them back on the shelves. It's not easy to shop with young ones. So AIBU??????

OP posts:
SherbetDibDab · 02/04/2011 21:35

Winnybella - I'm not saying making a mess is right. I am saying that looking after more than one child in a supermarket is hard work and unless you just strap em in, occasionally you get in wrong. That doesn't make you a slack mother who deserves a tutting. Especially when you're talking about children under 2.

hormonesnomore · 02/04/2011 21:36

YABU. I hate to see kids in shops playing with the toys/sweets/whatever.

I hold my tongue, but always want to tell them to put them back and stop fiddling.

My kids weren't allowed to do that - I wouldn't want to buy something that had already been played with.

TandB · 02/04/2011 21:36

Why on earth should she help you?

TattyDevine · 02/04/2011 21:37

I have seen so many worse things happening by children at Tesco, honestly.

Let it go, OP. Silly old bint was bored as fuck, clearly.

You are a good mum and she has a selective memory, I'm sure.

Bexstar5 · 02/04/2011 21:37

Second that what Doley says!! [ grin]

hecate · 02/04/2011 21:37

17 month old makes mess shocker

well yes, 17 month olds make a mess.

they are 17 months old.

that's why they go out always with an adult who is supposed to ensure that they don't pull things off shelves in supermarkets, for example.

it's not the biggest deal in the world. it's just slightly bad manners.

MissMontoya · 02/04/2011 21:38

This thread exemplifies the really depressing side of MN. Lots of fishwives tutting and shaking their heads and telling us boring stories about how they and their children are practically perfect in every way.

I shall have to seek entertainment elsewhere tonight.

Bexstar5 · 02/04/2011 21:38

Ooops Grin
better?!

jonicomelately · 02/04/2011 21:38

If you don't teach your child from an early age that there are some places where they are not allowed to take things willy nilly, they'll turn into a child who goes to other people's houses, school etc and run riot. Those kids really piss me off. Everybody knows it's hard with two kids but if people see you are making an effort to teach them I think they generally respond positively. You on the other had your own agenda in that supermarket and if that offended or inconvenienced other people you didn't care.

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 21:38

I don't blame the woman. You're lucky a member of staff didn't throw you out.

It's a supermarket, not a toy library!

MissMontoya · 02/04/2011 21:39

Tesco staff usually have worse manners, I find Grin

BumWiper · 02/04/2011 21:39

btw why could you not put the baby in a buggy if shopping was so difficult with two of them?

hecate · 02/04/2011 21:39

Sooocynical - oh yes! I bloody HATE it when I am going to buy a toy and they're all switched on, and they've got grubby prints on them, or they don't work, or the box is ripped. If parents just stopped their kids faffing with them, that'd be lovely! Grin

Can they sell them I wonder. The ones with the ripped boxes and the grubby paw prints.

usualsuspect · 02/04/2011 21:40

50 year old women are quite mad though ,not that I would know ,being an old bint and all that

VivaLeBeaver · 02/04/2011 21:40

I think Tesco is chaotic enough trying to weave past other trolleys without having to risk breaking my neck tripping over toys strewn across the floor. Sorry, but my DD never did this either.

Bexstar5 · 02/04/2011 21:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I KNOW MissMontoya and that is why I second what Doley said because I came over a bit 'higher than thou' by saying I don't allow my DD to take everything off the shelf. BUT yeah, as Doley pointed out, she does do things that make others "tut tut" at times - oh, the joys of motherhood!!

Happy Mothering Sunday for tomorrow, btw!!

StataLove · 02/04/2011 21:41

I really don't think you need to concern yourselves with Tesco's profits. They don't have to put the toys at toddler level, do they? But of course they do. Any guesses as to why?

Skinit · 02/04/2011 21:42

YABU why did you lead him AWAY from the toys to tell him to put it back? Hmm

EmotionalMess2011 · 02/04/2011 21:43

I dont think your being unreasonable tbh
I think most nice people wouldve done the whole litle laugh, rolls eyes and helped you pick stuff up, its just polite. Ive always done that, most people i know would do that! dont let her spoil your day though :)

millie30 · 02/04/2011 21:44

Surely if shops were worried about toys being handled they wouldn't put them all deliberately at child level, with packaging that has gaps where the buttons are, and batteries in some of them at the front, allowing children to effectively "try before they buy."

No I'm sure Tesco would HATE a child to be enticed by a toy and then take it off the shelf, possibly taking it over to Mum and whinging at her to buy it.

PeachesandStrawberry · 02/04/2011 21:44

Oh dear.

YANBU.

She shouldn't have judged.

What is wrong with everyone on here? Are you all such perfect mums that you never make a mistake?

God I hope that I never run into any of you!!!

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 02/04/2011 21:44

That's a good point Skinit, and also it was only a 17 month old, who is quite unlikely to understand the meaning of "put those toys back".

PaisleyLeaf · 02/04/2011 21:44

I'm not thinking bout tesco's profits. I'm seeing this as a customer who might want to buy one of those toys.

BumWiper · 02/04/2011 21:45

regardless of tesco profits,if you are not buying the toys you teach your children not to touch them.its not hard to do.
sheesh of course things are at toddler level but you are the parent.

surelynotnormal · 02/04/2011 21:47

Montoya - thanks. I had to buy a pizza in Tesco yesterday because when I told my two year old to put it down she held on to it and licked it instead. Glad you think I'm a briliiant mother Grin

Actually, I think the point is, the OP is asking if she's right to want to punch a stranger in the face because she had an opinion on toys strewn around a supermarket floor.

Well, lots of us don't.

OP - ever considered that you wouldn't have been so upset and had it spoil your day if you hadn't known deep down that you were being a bit unreasonable? Why get so worked up if you thought the whole scenario was fine? You said yourself your DH was there and you didn't need to even take DS2 with you to the flowers. You had a slightly stressful situation that someone else saw and commented on and now you're offended when deep down it's becuase you boobed.

In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter in the slightest, but seriously, don't ask in AIBU about something like this when it is so clearly 6 of one and half a dozen on the other.

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