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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to punch that woman in Tesco today for being judgey...

303 replies

angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:07

So DH and I went to Tescos today to buy some food as we have completely run out of food. We have DS1 who is 3.1 and DS2 who is 17 months old. They took turns to sit on trolley or go for a wander with DH. I did most of the shopping, DH spent much of the time putting stuff DS1 took off the shelves or involving them in our shopping by getting them to help put stuff on the trolley. All good and well. As we finished paying and bagging up, I wanted to buy some flowers for MIL who we are taking out for lunch tomorrow. DS1 and DS2 spend one day a week with her and they love her dearly. So I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers. Told DH to take the shopping back to the car while I take both DSs to choose some flowers.

While DS1 and I were busy choosing some flowers, DS2 wandered off to the toy shelves and took a few things off the shelf and then was playing (pushing buttons mostly!) with the toys on the shelf. He wasn't causing any trouble or in the way. After choosing the flowers, I went over to get DS2, I led him a couple of feet away from the toys to tell him he needs to put the toy he was holding back, fully intending to pick up the other toys on the floor when we got back. This woman in her 50s started shaking her head at us and tutting as obviously she thought we were going to leave the mess (we weren't walking away, we were standing a few feet away). It made me so angry! I'm usually really non-confrontational but I said to her, 'What is your problem? Are you going to help or are you just going to stand there and judge? He's only 17 months old!' And she had the cheek to say to me, 'Teach him then, my children NEVER did that.' And just walked away! I honestly wanted to lamp her one (and I'm not a violent person, usually! Grin).

It really spoilt my afternoon as we had the children under control our whole shopping trip and I only had them both with me as I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers for MIL and I 'left' DS2 for a few minutes (he was within sight the whole time) just so DS1 could choose the flowers he wanted. (I guess on hindsight, DH should have taken DS2 but hindsight is always 20/20!) And like I said, he wasn't tearing around the place, chucking stuff off shelves or anything. He took a few things off the shelf and was happily playing with one of the toys. DS2 is the sweetest thing you have ever met. I just feel so Angry I got judged by this silly woman. Argh! If I was the lady and I was walking by and saw that, I would have just helped me and DS2 by picking up the toys and putting them back on the shelves. It's not easy to shop with young ones. So AIBU??????

OP posts:
Awhiteelephantintheroom · 02/04/2011 21:47

OP, what I also don't understand is why your husband had to let your children take it in turns walking round whilst you shopped. This also to me illustrates the style of parenting you use (ie bugger anyone else as I mentioned earlier). When I go food shopping, I expect my 2 year old DS to sit in the trolley. There is no placating or negotiating. I am shopping, he sits in the trolley. Supermarkets aren't the ideal place to let toddler have a little wander

LoveLeonardCohen · 02/04/2011 21:47

YABU - but only for letting this woman's comment bother you so much and ruin your day. You don't know her, never will see her again (probably), and it doesn't really matter...now breathe.......and let go

hecate · 02/04/2011 21:47

I most certainly do concern myself with tesco's profits.

Do you think they absorb costs like this? do they buggery bollocks. They pass it all on to us! Shoplifters, breakages, damages - fecked up toys from little fingers. You think any of that comes out of their profits?

They put toys at toddler level for the pester power. mum I want it mum look mum I want it mum look. yes. It's still bloody annoying when I go to buy a toy and it's clearly been played with and bashed up a bit. And knowing that I'm paying a few extra pence on the one that I DO buy because of it.

But, there are worse things in the world. It's a minor irritation.

louloudia · 02/04/2011 21:48

they also put washing powder and biscuits at child level

Original poster
angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:49

surelynotnormal I think you are right. I am being unreasonable and I didn't mean to cause a bunfight but gosh, people do take things very seriously on this thread! Lesson learned! :)

OP posts:
LoveLeonardCohen · 02/04/2011 21:49

Forgot to say YANBU.....it doesn't matter....little ones do that all the time, that's what they do!!

StataLove · 02/04/2011 21:50

So you reach to the back and get a toy from there. I always do. I don't like toys being trashed because I don't like waste but her ds was just pushing a few buttons. The toys for toddlers are usually packaged in that way so that toddlers can press a few of the buttons without ruining the product and they have a 'display' setting. It's just the way toddlers are.

Have none of you flicked through books in a bookshop at an airport? Or magazines in a store when waiting for a train? What's the difference?

snakesandladders · 02/04/2011 21:50

these aibu shopping threads never go well. I would never advise anyone to post around this kind of topic!
My two penerth worth would be
No ynbu
tesco makes billions of pounds who cares if toys are played with for a couple of mins.
top tip, if buying toys choose item from back of shelf.
I love touching things in shops, fabric in clothes stores, checking fruit and veg before buying, like choosing your own bedtime it's one of the better things about being an adult.
don't worry about it op. Enjoy mothers day tom'.

Original poster
angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:52

Thanks all. I did buy myself a bunch of reduced flowers as DH never does. Lesson learned: NEVER post an AIBU about supermarkets... Grin

OP posts:
surelynotnormal · 02/04/2011 21:52

Hats off to you OP!!! It takes a big person to say that (I mean that, not being patronising).

Your DS (DS'? not sure if it's DS1, DS2 or both on your profile) are absolutely heart-stoppingly gorgous btw Smile

louloudia · 02/04/2011 21:54

Just feel people aren't very tolerant about small toddlers out in public

well we've been told on this forum we arent allowed to look at babies in supermarkets, they are MY baby not YOURS, never ever approach them to say how sweet they are because horrror of horrors we might have GERMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so im not surprised people cant be arsed with it all

Original poster
angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:54

Thanks surelynotnormal - they are a little bit gorgeous but obviously have a BAD mummy. LOL!

OP posts:
surelynotnormal · 02/04/2011 21:54

LOL Grin Grin

cremedelacreme · 02/04/2011 21:55

OMG YA so NBU! This country is so child un-friendly but I thought that just applied to service providers. Seems that other parents are just as bad! No-one did fall over the toys ... no toys got damaged ... the kids are learning to be able to go shopping without being strapped into a buggy the whole time. My DD, who is 2.5, goes shopping with me, carries her own basket and enjoys paying for goods at the end. If I'd never given her the opportunity, shopping for local bits and bobs would be a nightmare. Shopkeepers love it when she gets involved and other shoppers think it's cute that she's so interested. If she broke anything, I'd pay for it. But she hasn't, so all is good - so far! OP, I would feel the same as you. Hard to say, but don't let the b*ggers get you down. You sound like a lovely mum and a considerate person.

jonicomelately · 02/04/2011 21:55

It was the fact that toys were strewn across the floor that made me think Hmm rather than the child playing with the toy.

purits · 02/04/2011 21:58

Why weren't the flowers part of the main shop? Why make a separate transaction? Do you have a secret desire to spend extra time in Tescos and invent tasks like tidying up, going through the checkout twice, getting involved in fights etc.
Seriously, you need to get a life!Grin

Original poster
angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:59

They really are lovely boys - DS1 can be a bit of a handful, DS2 is a little darling but they both have good hearts and are usually very well-behaved. My DH works long hours and I work PT so a lot of times I do manage to take them both out to places without causing any trouble. I think I made an ill-judged error this afternoon but I was obviously trying to do a nice thing, which is why I got pissed off and I really didn't want to lamp the lady one. But hey, you live and learn right?

OP posts:
hecate · 02/04/2011 21:59

Do grapes next.

You'll bloody LOVE that one.

[evil]

Yes joni - a child pushing a button on a toy, no biggie. a child sitting on the supermarket floor, surrounded by toys - really? I must say I am surprised just how many people think that's just fine and dandy.

I must really be a harsh old cow with my kids Grin

Bexstar5 · 02/04/2011 21:59

It's all about standards Shock

Irony, everyone, irony - before all the posts kick in!!

yousankmybattleship · 02/04/2011 22:00

OP, I know how stressful it is shopping with toddlers but even at 17 months they should be told no if they are pulling toys off the shelf. If your excuse for your precious little one is that it can't be bad behaviour because he's so sweet then you are really stuffed! He'll be a lot sweeter if he learns how to behave himself.

Original poster
angel1976 · 02/04/2011 22:00

purits I really thought I had more time to get something nice for MIL but I'm sure you know what it's like, I just realised I've run out of time and need to get her something and the flowers were at the start of the shop. Argh! Just one of those not well-thought out days!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 02/04/2011 22:00

Yabu. You keep saying how young dc is,but he was by himself playing with toys in a busy supermarket. I can understand the situation was stressful but think you are v cheeky to ask her to help you...why would she?!!!
Don't let it wind you up. It's done,forget it.

Lucyinthepie · 02/04/2011 22:02

I have an opinion and I would judge you. The toys on the shelf are for sale, they are not there for your child to take down, scatter on the floor and play with. Us older parent would never have dreamt of letting our children help themselves to anything off the shelves, and guess what? They didn't do it.
p.s. If you also let your child sit helping you unload your trolley and load your bags, even if it holds up the queue behind you, I'd judge that as well. Grin

BlueAmy · 02/04/2011 22:03

Well YABU, but then you get that now, so that's that!

The thing is, when you start a thread talking about wanting to punch someone because they didn't like you letting your children pull things off a shelf, then you walk away making it look like you won't clear up, what kind of response did you really expect?

I have two DC and I know it isn't always a great experience having to shop with them in tow, but I don't let them go off pulling stuff off shelves while I shop for flowers.

OhDearGodThePain · 02/04/2011 22:08

I love LOL Grin

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