To want to punch that woman in Tesco today for being judgey...

[angel1976]

So DH and I went to Tescos today to buy some food as we have completely run out of food. We have DS1 who is 3.1 and DS2 who is 17 months old. They took turns to sit on trolley or go for a wander with DH. I did most of the shopping, DH spent much of the time putting stuff DS1 took off the shelves or involving them in our shopping by getting them to help put stuff on the trolley. All good and well. As we finished paying and bagging up, I wanted to buy some flowers for MIL who we are taking out for lunch tomorrow. DS1 and DS2 spend one day a week with her and they love her dearly. So I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers. Told DH to take the shopping back to the car while I take both DSs to choose some flowers.

While DS1 and I were busy choosing some flowers, DS2 wandered off to the toy shelves and took a few things off the shelf and then was playing (pushing buttons mostly!) with the toys on the shelf. He wasn't causing any trouble or in the way. After choosing the flowers, I went over to get DS2, I led him a couple of feet away from the toys to tell him he needs to put the toy he was holding back, fully intending to pick up the other toys on the floor when we got back. This woman in her 50s started shaking her head at us and tutting as obviously she thought we were going to leave the mess (we weren't walking away, we were standing a few feet away). It made me so angry! I'm usually really non-confrontational but I said to her, 'What is your problem? Are you going to help or are you just going to stand there and judge? He's only 17 months old!' And she had the cheek to say to me, 'Teach him then, my children NEVER did that.' And just walked away! I honestly wanted to lamp her one (and I'm not a violent person, usually! ).

It really spoilt my afternoon as we had the children under control our whole shopping trip and I only had them both with me as I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers for MIL and I 'left' DS2 for a few minutes (he was within sight the whole time) just so DS1 could choose the flowers he wanted. (I guess on hindsight, DH should have taken DS2 but hindsight is always 20/20!) And like I said, he wasn't tearing around the place, chucking stuff off shelves or anything. He took a few things off the shelf and was happily playing with one of the toys. DS2 is the sweetest thing you have ever met. I just feel so I got judged by this silly woman. Argh! If I was the lady and I was walking by and saw that, I would have just helped me and DS2 by picking up the toys and putting them back on the shelves. It's not easy to shop with young ones. So AIBU??????

[bigbeagleeyes]

TBH I'm more annoyed about a woman in her 50s being called an old bint.
I get a bit sick of these type of threads where anyone over 40 is disapproving of you young mums.
We've all been there and most of us have far more interesting lives than to be arsed tutting at someone's child in a supermarket.

[LoveLeonardCohen]

Why is the OP unreasonable? i don't get it...so what? She was going to put the toys back, it was a one off....why on earth are people so serious and judgemental?

[mathanxiety]

YANBU. She was out of order. Children are children and if she doesn't like that she shouldn't hang out in the toy section where the toys are obviously placed within easy reach of small children, unpackaged.

I agree with Hecate and everyone else who has pointed out that they are there for the same reason that sweets and choc are by the cashiers in some places to put pressure on parents to buy the toy or the sweets when the child sees them and wants them. LOL at WorraLiberty's comments clearly you know little of the way shops work.

Doley, I agree that wouldn't happen in the US and I wonder why is that...

[buttonmooncup]

I don't think YABU. I often let dd have a look at the toys in Tesco/wherever before we leave if she has been good around the shop and sometimes she will take some toys off the shelf and play with them (she or I will put them back before we leave). Sometimes I will buy a toy - sometimes I won't. How would she know if she liked them if she didn't have a little play first? Half the toys are set up to be tried and pressed.
And if judgey womans kids never took a toy off a shelf she either sedated them or took them shopping in a strait jacket.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

YABU.

I don't think you should let a 17 month old wander about tbh, or play with the toys. And no, I never let dd do that.

And you were lairy with her. fair enough she tutted and gave you a look, but there was no need to say what you did.

I always judge someone for using language like wanting to punch someone, want to lamp someone. Why the hell would something so trivial make you so angry?

[angel1976]

[shimmerysilverglitter]

YANBU, although face punching somewhat over the top.

I see the Cats Bum Face Crew are out in full force on MN tonight, so I think I will watch The Social Network on box office instead.

Don't worry about it OP, I too am one of those fluffy Mums who gets clueless toddlers with thumbs in their mouths to choose flowers too. It makes us happy.

[Mare11bp]

Can't believe the posts on here. Unreasonable to take the kids to Tesco on a Saturday? How daft is that. Kids need to know that life isn't full of park trips and treats. That was a lovely thing you did getting them to help choose flowers. Bet it took a matter of a few seconds for your DS to pull toys off the shelves, it wasn't as if you had left him to his own devices for minutes on end. This woman was entitled to her opinion, but shaking her head and tutting was inappropriate - your DS's behaviour was having no effect upon her whatsoever. Either she has never has kids or it has been years since she has. And if supermarket's want to avoid all this why not put toys on a higher shelf.

Happy Mother's Day you and have a nice meal!!!!

[LoveLeonardCohen]

No the OP is not BU...she was going to put the toys back. She felt an emotional, defensive reaction as we all often do when it come to our little ones. Perhaps the OP over reacted, which one of us has not over reacted at times? But OP is not unreasonable. What is unreasonable is how people can be so utterly petty and judgemental...and have such curiously 'Victorian' attitudes towards children

[hecate]

you daft bugger, don't hide. It's a minor irritation, social services aren't beating a path to your door and you survived AIBU with barely a scratch. There's a special badge and a certificate and everything for that!

[LoveLeonardCohen]

Oh and OP waving back

[angel1976]

Uh... Do people get that I really would NEVER have punched anyone in a million years? I think we need to let the thread die now, I can sense another bunfight happening!

[GotArt]

The woman should have just minded her business to begin with, but you making a comment regarding her helping you was a little out of line. I never 'let' DD take things off shelves, but sometimes it happens, when you turn your back for 2 seconds, or in your case, he wasn't really hurting/damaging anything and was quiet so you could spend 2 minutes getting the flowers. I never let her cause I don't want to have to pay for anything she accidently busts. However, at about 20 months old, I'd include her in the shopping experience at the grocery store as they have these kiddy carts and I point at things that we need that she can put in the cart and yes, it takes a bit longer but I think it has really made the whole experience a lot easier for both of us. I wanted/needed her to learn that we are at the grocery store and this is what we do here. I don't go near a toy section unless I am there to buy something for her and I watch her like a hawk and include her in the buying.

[GotArt]

I don't think you would have punched really punched her... I got that you were being figurative.

[MikeRotch]

Stop saying tour kids are sweet. Other peoples kids are just kids.

[FunnysInTheGarden]

shoulda gone to Tescos on your own and left the dc at home with dh. Tis what all sane folk do

[shimmerysilverglitter]

I would just given her a big "look how cute my kid is" grin, a bit like this .

[Rosebud05]

I don't deliberately let my dc 'take things off shelves' but I do sort of think that if shops deliberately put them at kids' height, they can't really be surprised when kids do take them off.

I do ask mine to 'look with your eyes not your fingers' but it's a bit counter-productive when there's some hideous plastic monstrosity with 'try me!' written all over it.

[LyraSilvertongue]

I'm surprised so many of you think children should not be allowed to touch the toys in the shop. Usually the packaging is designed to let children try them out, press the button etc. Some even had stickers on saying 'try me'.
I sometimes let my two (8 and 6) stay in the toy aisle trying things out while I whizz around and grab a few bits. As long as they don't damage anything or make I mess, I can't see the problem.

[Rosebud05]

We are kindred spirits on this one, lyra.

[Awhiteelephantintheroom]

I think that's really bad Lyrasilvertongue; it's a toy aisle in a shop, with toys that are to be sold, not a bloody creche.

[LoveLeonardCohen]

Awhiteelephantintheroom - 'really bad'......honestly...

[Awhiteelephantintheroom]

Yes, "really bad", LoveLeonard.

[EricNorthmansMistress]

YABU
17 mos stay in trolley seats and are not allowed to wander around supermarkets due to their propensity to wreck stuff/eat stuff/get tripped over. YWBU to ask judgy bint if she was going to help clear up too.