Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13

Original poster

To want to punch that woman in Tesco today for being judgey...

303 replies

angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:07

So DH and I went to Tescos today to buy some food as we have completely run out of food. We have DS1 who is 3.1 and DS2 who is 17 months old. They took turns to sit on trolley or go for a wander with DH. I did most of the shopping, DH spent much of the time putting stuff DS1 took off the shelves or involving them in our shopping by getting them to help put stuff on the trolley. All good and well. As we finished paying and bagging up, I wanted to buy some flowers for MIL who we are taking out for lunch tomorrow. DS1 and DS2 spend one day a week with her and they love her dearly. So I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers. Told DH to take the shopping back to the car while I take both DSs to choose some flowers.

While DS1 and I were busy choosing some flowers, DS2 wandered off to the toy shelves and took a few things off the shelf and then was playing (pushing buttons mostly!) with the toys on the shelf. He wasn't causing any trouble or in the way. After choosing the flowers, I went over to get DS2, I led him a couple of feet away from the toys to tell him he needs to put the toy he was holding back, fully intending to pick up the other toys on the floor when we got back. This woman in her 50s started shaking her head at us and tutting as obviously she thought we were going to leave the mess (we weren't walking away, we were standing a few feet away). It made me so angry! I'm usually really non-confrontational but I said to her, 'What is your problem? Are you going to help or are you just going to stand there and judge? He's only 17 months old!' And she had the cheek to say to me, 'Teach him then, my children NEVER did that.' And just walked away! I honestly wanted to lamp her one (and I'm not a violent person, usually! ).

It really spoilt my afternoon as we had the children under control our whole shopping trip and I only had them both with me as I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers for MIL and I 'left' DS2 for a few minutes (he was within sight the whole time) just so DS1 could choose the flowers he wanted. (I guess on hindsight, DH should have taken DS2 but hindsight is always 20/20!) And like I said, he wasn't tearing around the place, chucking stuff off shelves or anything. He took a few things off the shelf and was happily playing with one of the toys. DS2 is the sweetest thing you have ever met. I just feel so I got judged by this silly woman. Argh! If I was the lady and I was walking by and saw that, I would have just helped me and DS2 by picking up the toys and putting them back on the shelves. It's not easy to shop with young ones. So AIBU??????

OP posts:

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 06/04/2011 17:00

It may come as a surprise to you, but people do think differently to your mum (though if she is like my mum, then she is always right - ) - and I find the term fattie hurtful - maybe because it was used by the bullies who bullied me at school.

PainteditRed · 06/04/2011 17:17

Sorry SDTG, I truly am if it upset you.

It's just used flippantly in my family, must consider it's not the case elsewhere.

YouaretooniceNOT · 06/04/2011 17:18

Apology accepted

jasminetom · 06/04/2011 17:29

ffs

EasterEggHuntIsOver · 06/04/2011 17:43

Ditto most of the comments on this thread. You come across as being rather naive and precious to be honest.

And what a rude thing to say to that lady! No need for you to have answered back in that way.

purpledragonfly · 06/04/2011 18:08

Re the question of learning boundaries in public places if always contained - it's very simple. You say to the child: Either you behave (ie follow some specific rules) or you ride in the trolley/buggy depending on where you are. If the child does not have the speach/understanding, then they should be in the buggy in a public place anyway for their own safety. Personally, shopping with a 3.1yo and a 17mo, they would be in a double trolley seat. Some supermarkets don't have these - in which case, you drive to one which does or get your shopping online. My children are 3 and 5 now, but when they were the ages of the OP's, I would have them in a double seat in the trolley.

I think it is really rude to handle stock in shops if you have no intention of buying it. It isn't yours! I don't like the attitude that some people have - thinking that the whole world is their toddler's playground. I know someone who takes their 1yo to restaurants and allows them to handle china items. These items get smashed - they never offer to pay, they just expect the restaurant to suck it up! It's no wonder kids have to be banned from some places when people behave like this.

purpledragonfly · 06/04/2011 18:09

speech!

buttonmooncup · 06/04/2011 18:13

purple I think it would be uneccessary to push a 3yo around in a trolley - no wonder so many kids today are obese if that's how people behave.
Maybe the OP doesn't want to have constant confrontation with her kids all day about things that don't matter - like a child playing with toys in a shop.

mathanxiety · 06/04/2011 18:46

'd) you used a trip to the supermarket as a day out for a family of 4

The point I really don't understand when I go shopping; the weekly shop does not need to be done by two young children and two parents. One parent shops, one parent takes children to the park - everyone has a better time, including other shoppers.'

Triggles wrt an earlier comments made about the US being more child-friendly than the UK thank you Onceamai, I think you have just made my point for me (and for Doley).

I can't believe someone would come out with something like that without even a hint of an expectation of flaming.

mylovelymonster · 06/04/2011 18:46

I let my 4yo whizz round the supermarket on scooter. Am I wrong?

YouaretooniceNOT · 06/04/2011 18:48

mylovelymonster - this is why they should bring back hanging LOL x

mylovelymonster · 06/04/2011 18:56

arf

Maryz · 06/04/2011 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MuddlingMackem · 06/04/2011 19:06

Half way through the thread but felt compelled to comment.

I find it really interesting that Lyra is being condemned for letting her 6 and 8 year olds browse the toy aisle whilst she shops. I'm remembering being about 8 and being left to browse the children's book section - and yes, I did read bits of some books which I didn't buy! - whilst my parents did their weekly shop (think my younger brother was with them). That would have been in the late seventies.

As it happens, if my kids are being well behaved and I'm in say Asda, I will let them mooch in the toy aisle whilst I get what I need, if it's not too far away from there. Kids are still only 4 and 7 so can't venture too far from them just yet. :)

herbietea · 06/04/2011 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Triggles · 06/04/2011 20:09

My kids are either with me in the supermarket or they're home with DH. It's not a play area, it's a supermarket. And the number of times I've seen children racing around without their parents, irritating other customers, is ridiculous. I've been known to say something to children (although I do try to remain polite) when they are racing up and down the aisles getting into things. And that's both in the states and here in the UK. But it's always been a bit of a pet peeve of mine when parents let their kids run loose in stores.

mathanxiety - not a clue what you are on about now with that last comment, but not too worried anyway. As I said before, different ages, different areas, different associates or circles can obviously mean that people have different experiences. IME, the US is not very child-friendly. I've lost count the number of times I've heard someone making snide comments to parents or children in public (or been the target myself) - at least the few annoyed British I've run into simply sniff a bit or tut. In the US they're quite happy to get in your face over anything and everything - no self control or tact at all. Obviously your opinion differs. I think we will have to agree to disagree.

doley · 06/04/2011 20:44

Triggles my curiosity has got the better of me :)

Where are you in the US ?

Not the exact location ,just what state if you don't mind ..?

I am a bit shocked at your experiences, and sorry it is SO different from mine .

cory · 06/04/2011 21:33

Fascinating how the instance of an unsupervised 17mo gets compared to the case of an unsupervised 8yo. When ds was 8 (which was 2 years ago, not in the 70s), I would sometimes send him down to the supermarket to get things I had forgotten. He had his own money and quite often went round local shops looking for things to spend it on. To me, an 8yo browsing in the book department is no different to his mum browsing in the book department and totally different to a toddler who will have less fine motor control and be more likely to leave grubby pawprints.

exoticfruits · 06/04/2011 21:52

An 8yr old who has ben taught from an early age that you can't touch things in shops is going to be adult like in selecting-they will only be a problem if no one has stopped tham doing as they like when little (however sweet and adorable).

Triggles · 06/04/2011 22:07

doley - in the UK now, but lived in Arizona for many years. I can only assume the Phoenix area is where all the bolshy people live, eh? LOL

steps101 · 06/04/2011 22:29

I think Lyra is Awhiteelephant's sock puppet, or vice versa.

And I am very glad that Triggles came along to offer a counterpoint to the "USA is a wonderful dreamland and the UK is a child-hating shit pit :) " argument.

doley · 06/04/2011 22:46

steps come on ...

We were comparing experiences .

I had 2 little ones (boys) in the UK ,although I never experienced any 'problems' when out shopping ...my American experience has been much nicer .

I am in IN with a little girl ,not that helps much ...just a bit of info lol !

Thanks for your reply Triggles

Triggles · 07/04/2011 07:29

doley - if you lived in the UK, then moved to the US (whereas I did the opposite, lived in the US, then moved to the UK), I wonder if (to some extent) that doesn't also affect our viewpoints. Although I've seen tons of horrific government cuts (here in the UK recently) to children and disabled recently that are seriously cringeworthy, I still remain so disgusted with the American politics that I would never ever consider moving back there. Between the dreadful medical insurance issues and the very uncharitable opinions of many people (the whole pulling oneself up by the bootstraps thoughts means if someone is down on their luck or in difficulties, people tend to look down on them as a scrounger, regardless of their situation), I feel that the UK is a much better place to live. But for someone who grew up here in the UK and moved to the states, I can see where they may think differently (at least for awhile). I've raised children in the states as well as here in the UK, so it has been quite a varying experience. Oh... and yay for the NHS! LOL I only wish they had similar in the states - although it'll never ever happen. You only have to hear the paranoia as people whisper communism and such. I honestly despaired when a family member there actually started whinging because they were going to have to pay a slight premium on their excellent medical insurance (tied to their high paying job) to "help the working poor have medical insurance as well" - they felt that the working poor put themselves in that position, it's their problem. God, I can't tell you how frustrating it is to deal with that sort of mentality.

Okay. Sorry. Rant over. I guess I hate seeing people refer to the states as this wonderful disneyland of a place. It's not.

StewieGriffinsMom · 07/04/2011 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Triggles · 07/04/2011 09:59

Very true, StewieGriffinsMom. I always laugh, though, when people say "I can't believe you live in the UK when you can live in the states - it was great when I was on holiday there." Yup. Because you were on holiday.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13