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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked the receptionist to switch off the Lady GaGa video...

215 replies

MooMooFarm · 30/03/2011 12:49

My DS is deeply embarrassed after a visit to the orthodontist. We were waiting in the reception, which had a music channel showing on a big screen - there were ten or so children/teens waiting for appointments. My v young DD was with us.

Anyway Lady GaGa came on with the video to 'Telephone' or whatever it's called. I've not watched it before but was a bit [shocked] at the video. When it got to the bit where she's wearing nothing but a bit of gaffer tape I (quietly) asked the receptionist if she would please switch it off as it wasn't appropriate viewing for my young daughter. It was quickly switched off without comment.

I then spent another five minutes being given snotty looks by other teens in the room and my DS is saying I need to 'stop being a grumpy old granny'.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
MooMooFarm · 31/03/2011 10:15

whiteelephant I don't want to get into a argument with you but have to say that firstly I don't think it would do teenage girls any harm to be given another perspective on these kinds of videos - the damage done to girls thinking they have to try and live up to these kind of images is well documented.

Secondly if it had just been my teen there I wouldn't have done anything. The point was that I didn't want a four year old watching it - it was blasting out on a huge screen right in front of us - and that was my only concern. My teen being there was not a consideration.

OP posts:
thefirstMrsDeVere · 31/03/2011 10:15

I do not understand the 'bigger things to get worked up about' argument.

There are always bigger things.

There are worse diseases than diabeties but that doesnt mean that diabities isnt a horrible disease and people should shut up and get on with it.

There are worse things that can happen to a child than being slapped in the face but it doesnt mean its ok and we should just let it go.

Both of the above, if left, can lead to worse things.

Almost like ignoring the way society appears to be going backwards in its objectification of women.

Does anyone really not think that these sorts of videos and the sexualisation of children are not connected? I dont mean the sexual abuse, I mean the way that our children are dressing, acting, dancing, speaking, thinking?

When they are pumped out 24hrs a day in venues as unsuitable as a dentist's waiting room?

FattyArbuckel · 31/03/2011 10:16

Awhiteelephantintheroom I am interested to know, do you feel you can make any difference to how pressurised your child feels and if so how?

Original poster
MooMooFarm · 31/03/2011 10:17

And the fact that there are images like this 'everywhere' as you say, is no reason to accept it. That's no argument. Surely you have to start somewhere?

OP posts:
Original poster
MooMooFarm · 31/03/2011 10:18

X-posted with MrsDeVere

OP posts:
ChristinaEliopolis · 31/03/2011 10:22

I can't believe the apologists for the soft porn short films video industry. There is no way I would allow my child to watch any of this woman hating crap and would and have asked to turn things off. (The young men who work in our local barbers turn the music telly off with a grin when I walk throught the door Grin)

But, at how many posters feel that they have to clarify that they like sex Wink

Anyway, my any teenage son of mine would be more embarrassed at having to sit through a video of gyrating women performing pelvic thrusts while sitting with his mother.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 31/03/2011 10:22

Yes, Fatty, of course I feel that I can make any difference to how pressurised my daughter feels. We have a very open and honest relationship and talk about this sort of thing. She is very confident and secure in herself.

And yes MooMoo, you do have to start somewhere, but you can't hide all media images from your child. If you bring your child up to be happy in themselves and to have self confidence then surely they won't be trying to conform to these ideas?

StewieGriffinsMom · 31/03/2011 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HipHopopotomus · 31/03/2011 10:25

Well I tend to love Lady Gaga videos (esp the Telephone one), however I don't play music videos at all in the house when DD is around as they are mainly highly overly sexualised as far as women are concerned and I think that it is a hideous message to be bombarding young girls/boys/children with - it's not just Lady Gaga it's how women portray themselves largely in music vids, or how they are used in male singers videos too - gyrating, scantily dressed etc.

Having said that DD has seen the "Single Ladies" video on YouTube a few times, but only because that is her all time fav song.

ChristinedePizan · 31/03/2011 10:33

I have never seen a Lady Gaga video. Or a Justin Bieber one for that matter. I should probably have resisted commenting on that basis but I struggle with censorship as a concept.

ChristinaEliopolis · 31/03/2011 10:34

But sexual images are everywhere and they give the impression that it is normal to be judged as a woman on how 'sexy' you are. My oldest son's female FB friends (how's that for alliteration?), almost all from his university days seem to put themselves in some horrible soft porn pose for their photographs. Most of these are clever, bright women but who would feel uncomfortable being judged for their brains - where did this idea come from?

I wouldn't want to go into my children's primary school and find they were showing 9 1/2 weeks (equally crappy mainstream soft porn film) in the background. Nor at the orthodontists.

VodkawithRosie · 31/03/2011 10:44

Absolutely YANBU and I would like to add as many others have said, I cannot believe the slating you have got here.

I have a teen boy and he would have said to me that it was inappropriate for his younger brother and sister. I'm sure he too would have inwardly cringed at me saying anything, but he would have wanted me too (and probably been a bit outraged at the surgery for having it on in the first place) I've always thought he was a bit prudishBlush, but now I am proud that he would realise it is wrong.

Someone did a pie chart on a thread I looked at the other day, wish they were here now as I'm not clever enough.

AliceWorld · 31/03/2011 10:44

YANBU at all. Thank you for challenging such crap.

I don't get the view that 'well things are changing and we have to accept it'. The specific change that happens is not some inevitable, natural, predetermined flow that we are powerless to have any influence. Change is what happens because of what people think, talk about, do, what dominates, what is sidelined etc. It doesn't just happen. So why on earth would people not want to influence that change? You can influence the change, or you can sit on your hands and not bother. But you can't act like it has nothing to do with people.

coppertop · 31/03/2011 11:18

I've never seen the video before so thought I'd look on Youtube. The following message came up:

"This content may contain material flagged by YouTube's user community that may be inappropriate for some users

To view this video or group, please verify that you are 18 or older by signing in or signing up. If you would instead prefer to avoid potentially inappropriate content, consider activating YouTube's Safety Mode."

So unless this is a drastically different video then it definitely shouldn't have been shown in front of children.

YANBU

StewieGriffinsMom · 31/03/2011 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VodkawithRosie · 31/03/2011 11:36

Aha! I've done it

pie chart you may need to click on preview to the right side

It seems there aren't as many who disagree as I thought, still surprising though.

*disclaimer- this is only roughly collated!

VodkawithRosie · 31/03/2011 11:39

to much time on my hands? Moi? Grin

VodkawithRosie · 31/03/2011 11:39

too grr

FattyArbuckel · 31/03/2011 12:24

Pie chart is lovely - more please

Animation · 31/03/2011 12:32

FattyArbuckel.

Have you named yourself after the actor Fatty Arbuckel? He killed a woman I think.

FattyArbuckel · 31/03/2011 12:38

yes after the actor but he was falsely accused

FattyArbuckel · 31/03/2011 12:40

just like the name fatty really

Animation · 31/03/2011 12:40

Aw, why did you chose his name then - are you a fan?

mamalovebird · 31/03/2011 12:45

I wouldn't want my ds watching this when he reaches 4. I personally don't think it's suitable or really needs to be in such places and the attitude of ?stuff you I?ll watch what I want to watch and I don?t give a monkeys if it?s too overtly sexual for your young daughter? pisses me off. I can?t imagine anyone would think it?s suitable for a 4 year old.

I hope that I'll be able to teach my ds that music videos and the like are supposed to be entertainment and not real. It's when people take them too literally and expect the scantily clad airbrushed images of women to be the norm, that's what worries me and seems to have such a negative effect on young girls and boys. But that?s an entirely different discussion!

thefirstMrsDeVere · 31/03/2011 12:45

He was accused of raping her and crushing her. She died of a ruptured liver I think. He was aquitted and as far as I can remember there was no real evidence against him. He never worked again though.