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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked the receptionist to switch off the Lady GaGa video...

215 replies

MooMooFarm · 30/03/2011 12:49

My DS is deeply embarrassed after a visit to the orthodontist. We were waiting in the reception, which had a music channel showing on a big screen - there were ten or so children/teens waiting for appointments. My v young DD was with us.

Anyway Lady GaGa came on with the video to 'Telephone' or whatever it's called. I've not watched it before but was a bit [shocked] at the video. When it got to the bit where she's wearing nothing but a bit of gaffer tape I (quietly) asked the receptionist if she would please switch it off as it wasn't appropriate viewing for my young daughter. It was quickly switched off without comment.

I then spent another five minutes being given snotty looks by other teens in the room and my DS is saying I need to 'stop being a grumpy old granny'.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
MooMooFarm · 30/03/2011 21:23

Just to update - had an interesting conversation with teen son tonight (initiated by him). He said he sees videos like the GaGa one a bit differently after thinking about the effect it could have on his little sister, and how it could make her think women are expected to look and behave as they grow up (his words). He said it makes him feel sick to think of her being looked at 'that way' in the future. But that I still made him feel a bit of a prat by what happened in the dentist. Oh well - but I'm proud of him for thinking about it, anyway Smile.

OP posts:
Original poster
MooMooFarm · 30/03/2011 21:23

And btw am also a bit surprised at the slating I've had on here. Why does wanting to protect your pre-school child = Mary Whitehouse? Confused

OP posts:
WMDinthekitchen · 30/03/2011 21:47

I love Lady G, BUT would have tried to sit where the screen was out of sight. If that was not possible, would have done the same as you. You're never going to see any of them again. Parenthood and popularity don't go together!

theinet · 30/03/2011 21:50

These music videos make me cringe. Most are directed at and by men. Most feature women as only interested in sex or using sex to get what they want.

Many videos make great play of being nearly naked, little more than a prostitute. What message does this send to kids. I'm no prude and only in my late 30s but i am sure 10-15 years ago music vids were much more and enjoyable , about love, celebration, and fun. the loved up generation has given way to bitchin' about money, fame and sex.

Now the themes are i just wanna have more sex and more money and here are my big tits and my easy ass, i'm such a ho and i love it.

HerHissyness · 30/03/2011 22:25

Honey there is NOTHING wrong with Mary Whitehouse! She had a lot more right than people said at the time.

claretandcheese · 30/03/2011 22:26

I can't believe the flak you've been given from some, OP. I don't think I'm prudish and like sex as much as the next person, but I do object to the (not very appealing) parading and objectifying of women's bodies in these videos. It is just not appropriate for a waiting room so well done for pointing this out.

I accept that many people like these videos but they can watch to their heart's content in their own home or in an adult venue ( pub etc ) if they want. It's reminiscent of the antismoking debate, i.e. why should I and my family be subjected to this when we don't want it just so that someone else can enjoy it?

chipmonkey · 31/03/2011 00:32

MooMoo, I think it is great that your son said that! You should be proud of him for reaching that conclusion on his own.

chipmonkey · 31/03/2011 00:37

Another point is that no, there is nothing wrong with women's bodies. But there is something wrong with using women's bodies to sell things, whether it be cars or music albums.

The people in charge of these industries are not interested in women as people but as commodities, which is degrading for all women.

Morloth · 31/03/2011 02:33

I just watched that video, my goodness what a load of crap.

How many product placements were actually necessary?

I think I am getting old, the music was shit, the dancing was shit, the soft porn was shit.

It was in short SHIT.

YANBU purely on it being shit.

GotArt · 31/03/2011 02:54

I like Lady GaGa... when I'm hauling ass on the treadmill. But what burns my ass more is that you just can't get away from a fucking tv anywhere you go anymore. It drives me nuts. I walked into the laundry matt with 2 year old DD to drop off the dry cleaning and blaring at me was the news and shots of Libya at 10 am! That is just as atrocious as having to see a shite, soft porn video IMO. I just move to a spot where I can't see the tv when out and about.

sunnydelight · 31/03/2011 04:29

If you had brought your child into an area clearly meant for adults and asked for the video/programme to be switched, that would be unreasonable. You were in a place where children could reasonably be expected to be therefore anything shown on a screen should be appropriate viewing. You were definitely not being unreasonable (or precious which would have got you zero sympathy from me Grin)

FattyArbuckel · 31/03/2011 09:08

freshtodeath a society which rewards female singers for gyrating in little clothing in an overtly sexual manner is a mysogynistic and oppressive society for women to live in. We don't say it is enough Rihanna to be a talented singer, we say pander to male fantasies of controlling you Rihanna so that however rich and talented and beautiful you may be you still want to be controlled my a man and are no threat to men. And please encourage other women to behave like this and to know their place.

I don't know too much about the Amish lifestyle but suspect that it too is controlling of women. So no, freshtodeath, I don't want to live the amish way either. There is another way to live where women can be respected and not just sexually objectified and controlled and worse still, brain washed to think that this is an expression of how free they are.

FattyArbuckel · 31/03/2011 09:11

Womankind are so brainwashed by male dominated media that most don't even think to challenge the status quo that is harming their children.

OP - Well Done

Toygirl · 31/03/2011 09:48

So when men in videos go around semi naked that's ok ? It isn't just women you know. Have you seen some of the boyband videos. It really annoys me when feminists bang on about women being used by men on these videos to sell sex when the same men will use men in the exact same way but no one mentions it

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 31/03/2011 09:53

I think YABU; could you not have distracted your DD with a book/toy/snack for 5 minutes. My teenager would be mortified if I did what you did, I wouldn't risk embarrassing her for something like this

FattyArbuckel · 31/03/2011 09:57

sexual exploitation isn't good be it man woman or child toygirl, no feminist would tell you any different. Why try and have a go at feminists - are they really the villains of the piece?

FattyArbuckel · 31/03/2011 09:59

Awhiteelephantintheroom out of interest, does this mean you are generally happy with the status quo, or do you have a different approach to dealing with these issues?

Original poster
MooMooFarm · 31/03/2011 10:04

whiteelephant if you don't ever want to do or say anything to embarrass your teen in front of other people it sounds to me like you're pandering to them somewhat. Is your authority and guidance as their parent not more important than risking a bit of embarrassment in front of total strangers?

Isn't it just as important to teach young people that they are entitled to speak out and stand up for what they believe is right, whether it's the majority view or not?

I may 'embarrass' my teen sometimes, but equally there have been times when he's been very appreciative of the pro-active stance I take in life - if there's been problems with bullying at school for example.

OP posts:
Original poster
MooMooFarm · 31/03/2011 10:05

Toygirl no that's not ok either, but nobody here said it was!

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 31/03/2011 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 31/03/2011 10:09

I think things need to be in perspective; it was a music video, not a full on live porn show. I feel that there are bigger things to get worked up about. And MooMoo, no, I don't pander to my teen, I'm sure I've embarrassed her on plenty of occasions, however I wouldn't embarrass her over something as petty as a video on the screen for 2 minutes in a dental surgery, no.

FattyArbuckel · 31/03/2011 10:10

Are you happy for her to be pressurised to look and behave a certain way by the media Awhiteelephantintheroom?

MrIC · 31/03/2011 10:12

You are not being unreasonable

aside from anything else (summed up nicely by morloth) that video is incredibly pro-smoking; not appropriate for your DD OR your DS

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 31/03/2011 10:13

Not particularly, Fatty, but I fail to see how asking in a dentists for a video to be turned off would stop a child being pressurised. They are surrounded by pressures to look and behave a certain way; from peers at school, in magazines, TV programmes, websites etc. It's not just restricted to Lady Gaga music videos.

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 31/03/2011 10:15

YANBU and I too can't believe some of the criticism you're getting. What's the point of having 12 and 15 ratings if they are totally ignored?

As for not embarrassing teens, I thought teenagers were meant to be embarrassed by their parents at all times Grin

Isn't that an obligatory part of being teenage?