MIL buys baby clothes from charity shop

[Amber76]

I am expecting my first baby next week. My partner has told me that his mother has already picked up a few bags of baby clothes from a charity shop.

I'm happy to get given old clothes that my nieces and nephews have outgrown but I don't like the idea of putting my new baby into charity shop clothes. Am I being a snob? I wouldn't wear clothes from a charity shop so why should my baby?
I think I'll just say thanks and then donate them back to a similar shop in a few weeks. Is it too much to expect her to want to buy something new for her grandchild? She is not short of money....she just thinks this is a sensible way to shop.

I bought some items still with tags on from charity shops when I was expecting dts. It is lovely to have fresh, new clothes for them but if it is good quality and a brand you may not be able to afford otherwise then get over it.

If you have the money to buy absolutely everything sparkling new then go ahead. I hope your MIL finds someone more appreciative of her gesture. Wish my (ex and now late MIL) had thought to buy anything for her grandsons.

The charity shop I work in is quite new. They moved from a different part of the town centre to a more high profile spot and a bigger, lighter, airier premises.

Hardly surprising that takings doubled instantly :)

And it doesn't smell, which is a relief as I'll be doing 6hr shifts there soon...

YANBU if this is your first and you don't realise how much babies posset throw up and shit themselves. This is when you don't want peach puree stains all over your nice babygrows and shit stains on your cute sleepsuits.

On top of that there is the MIL vs New mum battle politics/territory etc to navigate.

So from someone who's been there here is what you do...

1. smile sweetly at MIL and thank her
2. use the clothes for slobbing out sickness and or diarrhoea sessions and weaning leaving your nice clobber for visits groups and mates
3. DH to take as many pics as you can of the charity clad babe - it's not going to kill you and it will make her happy
4. get babe to wear your least hated outfit to her house
5. pass on what you really cannot stand but try and wait til the baby has 'officially' grown out of it
6. if this encourages her further and it is really getting to you then discreet word with FIL that she should spend her pennies on coffee shops for him/her
7. ask her to put in a huge jar the 50p or so she would spend and open a granny account for babe turning 18 god knows it will need the tuition fees

but 6 or 7 only if it is really getting to you in which case tbh it is more likely a MIL control issue on your part than owt else.

My MIL did this and i hated it because i was being a twunt. The fact was she was buying any old tat including stuff for boys (mine was girl obv.) and stuff that was pilling and stretched out and hideous. Fact. DH saw one machine-wrecked stretched bodysuit and said snakes alive that'd fit me George Dawes style.

BUT she meant well. The fact that there might be some poor sod leaving DV without clothes who would be grateful should enable you to suck it up, act grateful then pass it on. Tis a generational thing maybe.

Certainly now my DD2 has just run out of clothes through repeat vomitting and my laundry mountain means i would love to be in your shoes right now but back then with DD1 i was being a bit precious (they were hideous mind)!

YANBU. Clothes feel very personal to me so I wouldn't wear anything someone else has worn, nor would I buy it for my children. I don't see what's snobby about that, just individual preference.

I don't think there's anything wrong with buying from charity shops, but doesn't anyone think that it's completely inappropriate in this particular situation? Only because it's not due to financial constraints that the MIL is doing this. It screams out CHEAPSKATE to be giving your soon-to-be-parents-for-the-first-time son and DIL charity shop goods as a present for their new child. The justification doesn't cut it either - "Here's my first present for my brand new grandchild and your first child, they are some used clothes but it's good for the environment you know". The thriftiness should wait for the time being IMO.

YANBU.
It is one thing to choose yourself to buy secondhand clothes from a charity shop (which I always did - love the prices and the variety).

However, IMO it is another thing altogether for MIL to buy them. She is certainly trying to be helpful but my MIL did the same thing and I loathed it too. I would rather she had spent the money on a couple of new things. Like you, I felt she could afford it - especially for your first baby!

If she got anything that was actually rather nice, I would wash it with disinfectant (Napisan) to make it feel properly fresh and clean!

YANBU. I hate the idea of wearing clothes that could have come from anywhere - I like to know the "history" of my clothing. I wouldn't wear secondhand clothes myself (even "vintage" stuff - maybe even especially that, as vintage shops always smell a bit dodgy to me).

If you don't want to put your DC in secondhand clothes, just don't. You can re-donate and MIL never has to know. If you're concerned about your MIL wasting money, why not get your DH to talk to her?

If you don't want to spend a lot of money on baby clothes, why not just head to John Lewis and get a couple of packs of their plain vests, bodysuits and babygros - they're really cheap. Doesn't have to be either charity shop clothes or expensive designer outfits that cost a bomb...

I haven't read the thread, but I'm sure you've received lots of comments towards you being snobby. Me, I don't think so. There is something that I simply cannot bring myself to do is wear, or let my child wear, second hand clothes, particularly from a charity shop. There is always a certain smell that never comes out of them. I've tried. Usually what you are giving are rarely 'gently used', and some have had a stench of vomit on them too, even though they look perfectly fine. Go through the bag of stuff MIL is giving you though; you may find something useful... wash it thoroughly. An you can buy very inexpensive, brand new clothes. You don't need to buy Baby Gap or Mexx. Two brands I buy lots of is George, from Walmart.. ASDA, and JOE, from SuperStore, which is Canadian. But then again, I hate people buying DD clothes or toys anyhow because they are always shite, tbh. I stay clear of all the cutesy stuff, anything that has a reference to Disney character or the like and I have a no battery toy rule.

It is a sensible way to shop - especially so for a baby, who will outgrow stuff very quickly. Many charity shops have very good quality stuff too.

My mum is also comfortably off and still loves to scour the charity shops for a bargain!

Wow, some people are really sniffy about 2nd hand stuff, how bizarre!

Personally, I think it's lovely. So much more thoughtful than an off the shelf item. It takes effort and time to hunt out the nice stuff!

(I am making an assumption here that MIL is picking out decent stuff, not grot..if she is picking up crap then YANBU).

Megapixels - many people buy clothes from charity shops for a purely ethical reason, MIL is not being a cheap skate. If she was she'd have gone to primark and got a load of vests for a price so ridiculously cheap it makes you wonder how they can have been made.
Zombieplan - Unless all your clothes come from fair trade sources might I suggest that their "history" is some poor person sweating over them for a pittance in some dive of a factory that you wouldn't want to set foot in.

The OP is not unreasonable to want new things, but neither is the Mother in Law for trying to help in a way that fits in with her ethics.
OP, your MIL clearly has different values to you so you might want to speak to her about it now and work out a compromise before she wastes any more money. She wants to help, but she wants to buy from charity shops, so is there anything you would consider having second hand? It's not completely unreasonable to want new first born things, but it is unreasonable to call the MIL a cheapskate or be offended when she is trying to be helpful.

I don't know about the "it takes effort and time to hunt out the nice stuff!" A vast majority of the charity shops with baby clothes around here sell them by the bag full for a price, sorted by size. There are plenty of consignment stores you can find decent second hand clothing.

Expensive clothes does not ensure there's someone in a sweat shop somewhere making them. Nike is a perfect example.

But it does take time to hunt out nice stuff GotArt, that's part of the fun..for me anyway.

Again, I'm assuming she's not picking up crap but really don't see what's wrong with a few thoughtfully selected second hand pieces.

I have a friend who kits her DS out in stuff from ebay - he always looks smart and stylish (not that small boys give a toss about that sort of thing, of course).

I see what you mean harecare, but if that were the case the MIL could have bought one or two good quality new items (I agree with you about cheap tat from Primark by the way!) that the OP could have used and then charity-bagged herself. For recycling of clothes via charity shops to continue there should be a supply of people buying good quality clothes to begin with. That way her ethics could be preserved (if that were the case) and the OP would be happy too. As I said, I only say this because these are the very first gifts given to a new grandchild.

My local Save The Children has hand knitted jumpers. DS lived in them and at almost 4 still does. Win win can buy jumpers for a fraction of the price as I would in the shops and support a charity that help other children. Also found some really beautiful almost antique baby clothes DS looked fantastic.

I just can not see the point in spending any more than i need to on something that is going to be worn so briefly.

But then I am from a family that have happily dressed little boys in hand me down pink baby grows with bows on.

I find it takes time to hunt out nice stuff in the shops. Around here though, you don't get to see inside the bag... you buy a bag of clothes for 0-3 months, one-zee's, dresses, blankets, $20, that sort of thing. The OP said her MIL picked up a couple of bags of clothes from charity, so that's why I suspect there'll be lots of random and probably not so useful stuff. Consignment stores have lovely second hand stuff. I personally can't stomach the smell of charity shops. However, I know lots of people want/need clothes, and take gently used clothes and items there all the time; my attitude is, if I haven't used/worn/or have any intention of using/wearing, (as in a lot of stuff given to DD or myself bought brand new from relatives), it goes to charity.

Well, actually now, I take all my donations to the Single Parent Resource Centre.

I've put brand new, unworn baby stuff in the charity bag. the lady that used to look after DD when she was small used to get me some lovely things from the charity shop.

Most of DS school uniform is from the lost property ( I had an inside contact because my daughter had been to the same school ).

Just think of it as recycling

'always a stench of vomit'??? So do you throw things away if they get vomit (or other smelly substances) on them? Absolute nonsense!
Wash the clothes, line-dry, no smell.

megapixels - You see them as the very first gift to a grandchild which is a very elevated status. She may just see them as getting the stuff that's needed.
It is possible that neither the OP or the MIL are unreasonable, just different.

Yes, I would be surprised if when the baby is born she doesn't buy something else, and possibly new!

I have nothing against second hand stuff at all if its from a friend or Ive searched it out for myself I actually enjoy a good rummage. But I have to agree it annoyed me quite a bit when my MIL did similar for my first baby.I found it a bit insulting her being thrifty on my behalf.

Personally I don't have an issue with second hand clothes - as long as they aren't stained or frayed. I was always in second hand shops as a child snaffling for a bargain with my mother and actually find it quite fun! It is just recycling after all. I've been busily buying bundles on eBay for my first, due in July, as I know she'll only be in things for a few weeks and I don't want to spend a fortune on having EVERYTHING new. It would be a waste of money, in my opinion.
However, if you are lucky enough to be able to afford everything brand new and never really need to find bargains or find fun in that, then I can see why you would be a bit put out. At the least, she should know this about you. But, I think anything given as a gift has a nice thought behind it, so try not to be rude and definitely give them back to the charity shop as someone else will be more than willing to buy it! So many people are eBaying things now that charity shops seem to have a severe shortage of baby clothes!

OP here! Thanks for all the interesting comments.

I know the charity shop that my MIL to be uses and it is one of those that would have a lingering smell in the air. That said, I suppose if something is washed it would probably be okay.

I'm not at all averse to second hand things - I've happily already accepted loads of stuff from my sisters. Its just the idea of bags of jumble from a charity shop that makes me go "yuukkk". And yes this is the present for the baby - she won't be buying something new as well. It's not that I expect to be given a present from everyone - although if i'm honest I sort of do as I would always give a new present to a new baby in the family. It may only be something small but I would enjoy buying it given that baby clothes are so cheap.

I will go through the bags when they are given and keep anything nice such as a coat or something. And I would probabably keep things that are in packaging or have the labels on. But I don't want to put my brand new little girl into a vest from a charity shop. If that makes me a snob then so be it!

I'll post again if I discover the bags are full of "poo stained vests" as an earlier poster so nicely put it....

snakes alive that'd fit me George Dawes style

What a gem.

One of my faves was a red velvet gap playsuit bought in a Clapham charity shop when dd was about 18 months. It had a nametag in it: 'Cassiopeia Blackett-Ord'. Anyone know her?