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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL buys baby clothes from charity shop

247 replies

Amber76 · 29/03/2011 22:36

I am expecting my first baby next week. My partner has told me that his mother has already picked up a few bags of baby clothes from a charity shop.

I'm happy to get given old clothes that my nieces and nephews have outgrown but I don't like the idea of putting my new baby into charity shop clothes. Am I being a snob? I wouldn't wear clothes from a charity shop so why should my baby?
I think I'll just say thanks and then donate them back to a similar shop in a few weeks. Is it too much to expect her to want to buy something new for her grandchild? She is not short of money....she just thinks this is a sensible way to shop.

OP posts:
bristolcities · 30/03/2011 22:31

Oh a pair of Hunter Wellies bought for 2 quid for DS have been my best find. Could never justify buying them at full price.

harecare · 30/03/2011 22:32

That's great OP, you have the perfect get out clause. "Thanks MIL, but I have sisters who are giving me all their old kids clothes so I don't need any more 2nd hand bits. I'll let you know if there is something specific I need that they haven't passed on"

megapixels · 30/03/2011 22:35

Ah yes halfcaff, sister of Caspar Augustus Reginald and Clementine Georgina.

mumtoted · 30/03/2011 22:36

YANBU in wanting new clothes for your first baby. If it was your second, then maybe but I can totally understand. I would have felt exactly the same if my MIL had done that.

monkeyjamtart · 30/03/2011 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fatlazymummy · 30/03/2011 22:40

Personally I don't buy 2nd hand clothes, either for my children or myself. The reason being that I did grow up in a very poor family where my mother had no choice. If that's being snobby I couldn't care less. I wouldn't dream of buying any future Grandchildren 2nd hand clothes.
OP I don't think you are being unreasonable in the slightest. However as it is a gift it is good manners to say thank you, after that it is up to you if you wish to dress your child in them. Personally I wouldn't.

Balsam · 30/03/2011 22:46

YANBU - I wouldn't put my baby in clothes that other unknown babies have dribbled, weed, pooed and puked on.

All you who say you wear clothes from charity shops yourselves - would you still wear them if they'd been donated from, say, a hospital or old folks home i.e. where there's a good chance someone has pissed or puked over them?

CheerfulYank · 30/03/2011 22:47

Balsam, yes I would, because I would wash them before wearing them. :)

candleshoe · 30/03/2011 22:47

'Cassiopeia Blackett-Ord' Grin

Balsam · 30/03/2011 22:51

Yes, I'm sure you would wash them but are you saying that the idea of it doesn't bother you? You're a better woman than me if so!

CheerfulYank · 30/03/2011 22:52

Nah, I worked in a daycare for years so most of my own clothes were full of God-knows-what. :)

DontTellTheWife · 30/03/2011 23:08

AIBU - Yep
Snobby - Yep, a bit, but understandable with first born
But mainly inexperienced, I'd say.
We've had 3 sproglets. All 3 would go through multiple outfits per day - right from day one up until... I can't remember. Their clothes spent longer on the washing line than they did on the child. Upshot is most of the clothes you find in the charity shop look as good as new. You also have to consider, and I'm generalising here as I've watched my better half do this so many times, that the type of person who donates to a charity shop only sends the good stuff, the clothes that are too good to throw away (or even unused as newborns grow so fast), the crap goes in the bin.

We've found some amazing clothes in charity shops, we've also donated some lovely stuff aswell, in fact I've avoided watching the wife bag it up in the past as I can't help remembering how gorgeous the kids looked in them.
Sad to see them go.

Sure you've got to have some new clothes for a new sproglet but don't dismiss all options

GotArt · 31/03/2011 02:37

I can't see why so many people think one must be flush to buy brand new all the time. We spend hardly anything on clothes for DD. We are very 'less is more' anyhow. Last time I went clothes shopping, only because DD had grown out of practically everything, I spent $40 on 10 shirts, 6 pairs of stretchy pants, 3 jeans, 2 dresses, 3 diaper shirts and 2 sweaters. She's been wearing them all winter. Her winter coat only cost $20. All brand new. Actually, since having children, DH and I spend a fraction of the money we spent before. I bargain hunt and only buy things on sale.

sunnydelight · 31/03/2011 05:02

It could be worse, my MIL handed me a bag of filthy, dirty baby clothes, some of which were torn/damaged. She proudly told me they were in the "bargain bin" at her local charity shop.

MrsBloomingTroll · 31/03/2011 07:29

OP, if they are really bad we'll need photos too! Grin

BringBackGoingForGold · 31/03/2011 12:03

Balsam, I've no idea where most of the secondhand clothes I buy come from; they may well have come from hospitals etc for all I know. And no, that doesn't bother me at all ? the shop carefully washes everything before selling it (not to mention weeding out all the horrors before they even get to that stage) and I always wash things after I buy them too.

RudeEnglishLady · 31/03/2011 13:15

Actually OP, based on what you've said, I think I'd be a bit narked. It sounds like she's just done a grab everything in new-born size and stuff it in two bags.

My mums charity shop offerings have been special things, washed and ironed.

I would probably just get rid of the lot as it would really boil my p* to have to sort through and launder bags of jumble when pregnant.

You and your sisters will enjoy you re-using their things I'm sure :)

PinkToeNails · 31/03/2011 13:27

I totally see where you're coming from as I felt the same. Most of DD's clothes came from her nieces and have been worn by several babies in the family. However, I was always against charity shop clothes.

After reading through most of these posts I think I was BU.

There are loads of things I bought brand new that I now wish I'd looked for second hand, but at the time it just didn't occur to me. Babies cost so much money and it's good to make savings where you can.

Just accept the clothes and hold on to them - I'm sure there will come a time when you'll be thankful for them.

Good luck with becoming a mum.
x

flyingspaghettimonster · 31/03/2011 13:32

I am on the fence. Are you sure the clothes she has got a a charity shop are a gift to your new baby, or just stuff she has picked up when she sees it because she thinks it is cute and is excited? My Mum often buys an outfit at a thrift store for my kids if she sees one and loves it - it bugs me when she buys them in age 8 for a 4 year old to grow into as it fills the closets, but I always end up being grateful later.

I think it is likely she has got a new baby gift for your little one, and these are just her way of filling the time while waiting for her grandchild to show up. You shouldn't see it as her devaluing your little one, just that she has been thinking of you.

One quick comment about the family second hand things versus charity shops - what makes you think your family are any cleaner? My mother in law never buys trousers second hand and was horrified to hear my husband does sometimes. She finally told us why - when she was a student she once borrowed a pair of jeans from her cousin - and got an std!! I never asked more questions about it, because frankly I have no idea how it could happen if you are wearing undies and that would be tmi, but it is worth remembering - no reason your family's second hand offerings will be cleaner than a charity shop and always wash them all before use no matter what.

Good luck with your baby and the birth! I am a little envious :-)

tryingtoleave · 31/03/2011 13:49

I would feel a bit yuk about it too. Maybe the people who are finding fancy clothes with labels still on are in particularly posh areas but every charity shop I have been into was smelly.

I know one girl who was dressed in charity shop clothes and as soon as she was old enough she got a job to start buying herself clothes. I always thought it was cruel of her ( wealthy) mother to dress her so badly.

LDNmummy · 31/03/2011 13:55

Everyone is different, I shop at charity shops for myself as I love vintage clothing and you can find great stuff in certain charity shops.

If you are happy to spend the money then by all means do so, but don't think badly of your MIL, she is being economical and environmentally friendly to boot. I am hardly going to be buying any baby clothes brand new as babies grow so quickly and you can get almost brand new stuff in charity shops. I will just be giving them a good clean with some Napisan.

My DP would prefer only a few things from charity shops but I am in charge in that department and he understands where I am coming from.

I understand where you are coming from as this is my first baby too and I felt the same as you initially, but I don't think it makes that big a difference in the long run.

Congrats!

fatlazymummy · 31/03/2011 14:55

I agree with gotArt here. I have always been able to buy new babyclothes very cheaply by shopping around. They have always lasted well and looked nice.
I don't see why people feel the need to buy charity shop clothes, unless they are genuinely poor. Personally I prefer to have 3 or 4 nice new outfits for my children than a whole bag of 2nd hand clothes.

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