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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL buys baby clothes from charity shop

247 replies

Amber76 · 29/03/2011 22:36

I am expecting my first baby next week. My partner has told me that his mother has already picked up a few bags of baby clothes from a charity shop.

I'm happy to get given old clothes that my nieces and nephews have outgrown but I don't like the idea of putting my new baby into charity shop clothes. Am I being a snob? I wouldn't wear clothes from a charity shop so why should my baby?
I think I'll just say thanks and then donate them back to a similar shop in a few weeks. Is it too much to expect her to want to buy something new for her grandchild? She is not short of money....she just thinks this is a sensible way to shop.

OP posts:
bumpsoon · 30/03/2011 11:13

Well the way i look at it is this , do you pay £50 for a Dior cashmere cardigan for a 3 month old or do you pay 50p ,either way its going to be sicked on .

Ephiny · 30/03/2011 11:16

I really don't see the problem, assuming the stuff is clean and in good condition. Would not have occurred to me that anyone would have a problem with this.

It's your choice how you dress your own baby, obviously, but since you asked I do think YABU.

knittedbreast · 30/03/2011 11:18

yanbu. i wouldnt put a newborn in charity shop clothes either. esp not baby grows etc... they are so cheap there is no point. (not the main idea i know).

Older children/outerwear clothes yes

Ephiny · 30/03/2011 11:19

And I think it's a bit weird that you seem to judge your MILs feelings or affection for her grandchild on the basis of how much she spends or where she shops Hmm

weblette · 30/03/2011 11:21

Personally I think YABU.

Is there a hierachy in second-hand stuff? People seem to have no problem in buying stuff at NCT sales, are the donatees more acceptable than those for common or garden charity shops?

sandfish · 30/03/2011 11:26

Pagwatch, thanks, all good points. The boy is on the cusp of the next clothing size so I feel a charity shopping trip coming on! I won't forget to donate also. I will particularly be on the look out for some boy stuff that isn't blue (grrr - bugbear!)

OP, I really would recommend second hand - if you can afford to, then put the money you save by buying second hand clothes towards savings for the baby's future - so many feel good factors :)

jeee · 30/03/2011 11:30

When I had my first child, I waxed lyrical on the virtues of charity shops, and my mother said, "I'd have felt a bit uncomfortable putting my children in second hand clothes". But having seen what you can get in them, my mother can't be restrained in charity shops. She did ask me once if felt guilty buying stuff that people on lower incomes needed more than me.

I did have one problem item of clothing - my MIL gave me a revolting romper suit, which I gave to my local charity shop (MIL lives several hundred miles away, so she was never going to find out). My mother went for a stroll round our local shops, and came back with the same garment.

maighdlin · 30/03/2011 11:45

YABU charity shops are brilliant for baby clothes. you will find out yourself soon enough that a baby will wear something once or twice and then it will be too small. charity shop baby clothes are barely used if at all. and there is no point wasting money on things that will most likely get some sort of bodily mess on it. My 19mo DD is currently wearing a pink cashmere and lambswool coat from harrods that i paid a whole £3.50 with the tag still on it! I have never had that nice a coat.

anniepanniepears · 30/03/2011 11:50

I would not have bought my newborn any clothes from the charity shop but I did get second hand from my sister and friends

Sweetpea215 · 30/03/2011 11:51

I don't think you are being snooty...just protective over your baby and want it to have the best.

However, babies grow out of things so quickly and often need a few changes a day ...so why not put aside the better things (that you could like), give them a nice wash...and let your baby wear them.

Your MIL is probably really enjoying looking around for things for her new Grandchild...and is being really thoughtful and kind. I wouldn't take that away from her or throw it back at her..or she'll be wary about helping out in future. Accept her gesture with good grace...and discretely get rid of anything that you feel is unsuitable.

helendigestives · 30/03/2011 11:52

I volunteered in a charity shop and the standard of sold clothing - especially for children - is very high. Things usually get steam-cleaned, cannot be sold with stains, cannot be sold if they're threadbare, etc.

backwardpossom · 30/03/2011 12:21

My DS was a champion puker. Charity shop and second hand clothes were a godsend.

Onetoomanycornettos · 30/03/2011 12:29

Some of you clearly live in posher areas than I do, there are no Harrods coats or Dior cardigans where I live, just basic clothing in the charity shops, all of which is quite cheap to buy elsewhere. I have known charity shops round us charge £1 for a used babygro, when you could get 7 for £5 new ones! If I could get new unused but cheaper designer gear for babies in charity shops, I would, but I wouldn't then congratulate myself for my lack of materialism!

rosie1979 · 30/03/2011 12:34

When my pfb was born my mum bought this cot for him secondhand...it was sad looking, chipped and I didnt want my pfb to go in it, I wanted to buy a nice shiny white one from John Lewis!

I felt awful and ungrateful but I did tell my mum thanks very much but I dont want it...

I think its a generation thing, post war and all that. Although I would buy from charity shops I can see why you dont want them for your brand new baby. YANBU

BoattoBolivia · 30/03/2011 12:45

Tbh, I would be fussier about cots and other things that need to last years. Not that I wouldn't want second hand, just that I would need to know they are sturdy and safe. I tend to go for the good quality clothes second hand, I wouldn't buy things like matalan as I know how quickly they fall apart even when they are new. I agree that it hurts to buy baby grows for a £1 each, when you know you can get them cheaper new!
That's why it's so important for the op to look at what her mil has bought before she dismisses it out of hand.
Onetoomany: I agree, I pick my charity shopping areas very carefully!

Pandamoanium · 30/03/2011 12:46

We bought loads of things from charity shops for our 2 DSs right through into their toddler years. Some of the clothes were barely worn and were lovely. Great way to save money which can be spent on other things and very "green"!

LilQueenie · 30/03/2011 12:48

yanbu I would feel uneasy about this too. Same with nappies. I would use second hand terry towelling no more than I would wear second hand knickers. When a child is a bit older then yes I would buy from charity shops for clothing but not as a baby.

MrsMooo · 30/03/2011 12:56

If your only objection is that they are second hand from a stanger, and not second hand from a friend/relative then YAB completely U.

a grandparent's love should not be measured by whether they spend £5 or 50p on a babygrow FFS.

I totally understand that it's your PFB, but until you see what she's bought I would be greatful she thought to get you anything

Rebecca41 · 30/03/2011 12:58

Total snobbery. And new stuff isn't necessarily all lovely and clean. In fact, a friend of mine is a buyer for Next and she says that some of the factories where clothes are made are disgusting. She rotuinely washes every new garment she buys before wearing it.

Also I think you have to look at the bigger picture. Firstly, do we really need to make more and more new stuff in sweatshops abroad when there is plenty of perfectly good hardly-worn stuff here?

And I also think it's worth saving your money for more important things. Your newborn doesn't care what they wear as long as they're warm and comfortable. Fast-forward a few years and your picky older child will be demanding countless expensive toys. You may end up regretting the fancy clothes that could have been much-demanded toys or days out instead!

toddlerwrangler · 30/03/2011 13:03

I was soooooooooooo like you when I was pregnant with A. Nothing second hand/used went within 100 miles of my PFB ("What about the germs ?"). It was all boutique organic cotton and 'educational' handmade wooden (new) toys.

3 months in and it was Tesco value all the way. Two years later it is car boots for toys and charity shops for clothes.

In 6 months time I fully expect to be rummaging through my neighbours bins.

clitorisorclitoraint · 30/03/2011 13:03

DD had LOADS of 2nd hand cloths and hand-me-downs and it's great. She has lovely stuff from GAP and Next, which I could never afford new.

I love the fact that much of it is from a few seasons ago, so you'll never see another kid running around in the same gear, like you do with so much of the supermarket bought stuff.

YAB silly.

MamaLazarou · 30/03/2011 13:03

YABU. Apart from hand-knits and presents from friends and family, my little boy's clothes are all second-hand. I pass them on to friends and other charities when they are outgrown, too. They are generally of very good quality and he always looks smart.

plupedantic · 30/03/2011 13:03

We had a lot of work to do, convincing my MIL to buy things second-hand. She's not from the UK, and in her country, it's infra dig not to buy new if you can afford it. However, we eventually managed to persuade her that second-hand is very middle-class, and she just loves car boot sales!

Now that DS is nearly 3, he has slowed down with his growing considerably, so clothes are worn longer, but still I have just bought a lot of stuff through eBay which is still in very good condition (amazing enough for boy stuff, let alone at this age, when the clothes are worn for so long!).

babyapplejack · 30/03/2011 13:20

OP - YANBU!

I think that it's fine to buy your own clothes and your children's clothes from charity shops because it is your choice. However, MIL is taking the choice away from you so I think YANBU.

Also, contrary to what people think on here, there must be a significant number of people preferring to clothe their babies in new items because otherwise the charity shops would run out of stock.

The comments re snobbery are hilarious. In one sentence, people are saying that you are a snob for not buying charity shop stuff and in the next sentence, people start naming the labels (mini boden etc) that they have found in charity shops. So ironic that they can't see that they might be snobby for raving about these labels (which a non snob wouldn't care about).

Really you just choose to clothe your baby how you want and everyone else should keep their noses out!

BoattoBolivia · 30/03/2011 13:22

We would keep our noses out if the op hadn't asked the question in the first place!!

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