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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL buys baby clothes from charity shop

247 replies

Amber76 · 29/03/2011 22:36

I am expecting my first baby next week. My partner has told me that his mother has already picked up a few bags of baby clothes from a charity shop.

I'm happy to get given old clothes that my nieces and nephews have outgrown but I don't like the idea of putting my new baby into charity shop clothes. Am I being a snob? I wouldn't wear clothes from a charity shop so why should my baby?
I think I'll just say thanks and then donate them back to a similar shop in a few weeks. Is it too much to expect her to want to buy something new for her grandchild? She is not short of money....she just thinks this is a sensible way to shop.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 30/03/2011 09:49

Lesley

But that is what I was saying. Having been brought up very very poor - free school meals, no new clothes, 8 kids, no money etc I used to swear I would never use them.

It isn't snobbery. It is the opposite.

I wish people who can afford new would chose to use charity shops and start to diminish the sense of stigma. Those who can afford new and chose to be sniffy about second hand should think about why.

MrsBloomingTroll · 30/03/2011 09:50

I buy loads of my clothes from charity shops these days - we've got a couple of really good ones locally and I'm amazed by what I find. Have also bought DD some lovely stuff in there.

When DD was born, we borrowed newborn babygros from a friend who had used them for her two DDs and I think her niece as well.

Believe me, they get through a lot of them and I appreciated having hers as well as the new ones I'd bought.

I would take the clothes, give them a good wash and then pick what you like (you may be pleasantly surprised!) and donate the rest back to your local charity shop.

FWIW, I very much regret not trying harder to find second-hand stuff for DD1 although we can afford it. Because they get so little use out of things.

mamatomany · 30/03/2011 09:50

It depends what it is, no I wouldn't want a shit stained vest from anywhere and my DS seems to have covered a lot of his underwear in various bodily fluids, however I donated some very nice mamas and papas outfits with the tags still on them to the local charity shop so MIL might have found those for you.

ladymystikal · 30/03/2011 09:50

YANBU
there are tons of 'cheap' clothing lines out there now- asda/george, tesco, TK maxx etc. I accepted and appreciated hand me downs from my sisters, but i did buy new clothes for my dd.

blondepinhead · 30/03/2011 09:57

Also, all the charity shops I've ever been in (and I've also volunteered in a couple) have strict policies about the condition of clothes for re-sale, and it's highly unlikely that anything 'shit stained' or the like would ever end up on the shop floor.

Zippylovesgeorge · 30/03/2011 10:02

I'm a CS volunteer and we carefully go through everything thats donated and check it for stains/damage/smoke smells etc - anything that is gets ragged. There's a 2nd chance to check too as everything we put out in the shop gets steamed first - hence our stuff looks and smells brand new until some shops I've been in - where you're convinced someone has wee'd on the floor somewhere ;) or is having a crafty fag or 2.

goodbyemrschips · 30/03/2011 10:07

I seem to be in the minority I have never bought any type of clothing from a charity shop.

ImeldaM · 30/03/2011 10:09

YABU, but I can understand what you mean, my DMum helps in a charity shop & was always bringing me stuff. Not as 'presents' though, in addition to actual presents for baby. I was a bit precious about it, esp toys that couldn't be put in the washing machine.

But, since my PFB Blush has been about age 3 up, I take him with me round the charity shops & he chooses something from toys/books every time. IME charity shops are about the only places, usually, where little ones can look through lots of stuff/play with the toys etc while I have a browse.

Would do what others advise & keep stuff you like but donate the rest.

Tip to novice charity shop buyers, go to charity shops in or near well-heeled areas, get designer labels aplenty Grin

2littlegreenmonkeys · 30/03/2011 10:09

YABU and very snobbish and very precious. If you want something nice and new for your baby (and it is not wrong that you do) then you buy it, don't expect your MIL or others to buy new or want to buy new for your baby.

As an aside I loooooooove getting bargains from charity shops, our local Oxfam have a childrens rails which is 3 items for £1. I got DD1 a lovey mid length cardigan from Next which still had tags on, also I managed to get DD2 a lovely dress dungaree with matching top all 3 items for £1. Cant go wrong with that price.

When I was PG with DD1 DH and I bought a couple of things new, mainly travel system and car seat, moses basket and cot bed. She also got a snow suit (born in winter) new everything else came from either charity shops, car boot sales, hand me downs from family and friends. I loved it and was very, very grateful. DD2 is now just finishing off the last of the second hand clothes and they are slowly being shared out between my niece and lots of other friends with little girls. They are still in fab condition and have lots of wear left in them as babies and young children are only in somethings for what seems like a couple of weeks, they grow so fast.

2littlegreenmonkeys · 30/03/2011 10:12

I forgot to add, I also wear charity shop clothes myself and my fantastic MIL has a good eye for a bargain and has bought some lovely clothes and toys for the DD's from charity shops. My MIl is also very well off but no way would I or DH ever expect her to buy our DD's anything let alone anything brand new. Although we are extremely grateful that she does buy things for the DD's second hand or new.

scottishmummy · 30/03/2011 10:15

this is turning into halo polishing who is most frugal at reusing tea bags,washing tampons and buying 2nd hand

op isnt snobby or precious,she just has a preference. like most of us did with 1st baby,and actually there is something satisfying about going and buying new stuff for your baby

not all folk like 2nd hand, i dont mind but others do. i offerd loads of stuff to a friend- clothes,moses basket,pram she declined.just didnt fancy it. enede up giving to health visitor as they know from caseload who would appreciate it

sungirltan · 30/03/2011 10:16

yabu. i bought dd 2nd hand clothes from charity shops (specilaist kid heart foundation shop is amazing!), ebaby, nct sales plus she had hand me downs. dh and i are not short of money it just seemed sensible thats all. plus i liked the clothes! friends and relatives buy dd 2nd hand clothes too. i never mind. if they are not to my taste i put them aside for nursery/painting clothes.

dont worry no one is stopping you buying the clothes you like new. i had clothes for indoors and lcothes for taking dd out to see people when i wanted her to look posh.

CoffeeDodger · 30/03/2011 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoattoBolivia · 30/03/2011 10:23

I would echo all the positive comments on here about charity shops for these reasons:
Much more environmentally friendly, rather than cheap new stuff made by exploited labour and shipped around the world;
Much cheaper, even in the more expensive cs, than buying new;
I have found monsoon, mini Boden, gap, next, all with tags;
As babies, they grow out of stuff sooo quickly that it mostly looks virtually unworn;
You are promoting the idea that rampant consumerism is unacceptable-my dd at 8, still gets very excited when I tell her I have found her a bargain, and I really hope she stays like that. (although I may be naive!);
There are so many more things you will need to get for your baby that you could ask your mil to get new, clothes really are not that important, as long as they are clean.

Onetoomanycornettos · 30/03/2011 10:27

How is it really countering consumerism when everyone on here is boasting about how they got the stuff with the tags still on? That's new as far as I'm concerned, unworn by another baby, still costs the world the same resources and is just cheaper!

Obviously everyone does put a premium on things being unworn by others otherwise they wouldn't keep mentioning the tags!

blondepinhead · 30/03/2011 10:35

I don't know if it's boasting as such, Onetoomany. More like, bloody shocked that people actually give away brand new clothes, with the tags still on. At least that would be my reaction.

candleshoe · 30/03/2011 10:35

My children look 'posher' and more smartly dressed than many of their peers precisely because I am a charity shop addict. I only buy top quality brands in near perfect condition. Some of the other kids in brand new low quality fashion 'tat' from high street shops look really scruffy next to my kids.

BoattoBolivia · 30/03/2011 10:35

No, I mentioned tags as I thought that might appeal to the op as she doesn't want stuff that has been worn by babies she doesn't know. Personally I have bought loads of stuff from cs for myself and dcs with or without tags and can't really understand why people wouldn't, but I totally agree that each person is entitled to their own preferences. I'd rather spend my money on books, but I can't justify that environmentally Grin

mamatomany · 30/03/2011 10:38

blonde You get given that much stuff age 0-3 months the baby could wear a different outfit twice a day and not get through it and not all of us want to dress our "little man" in a shirt and pair of jeans the moment the cord is cut so stuck to sleepsuits instead of these expensive outfits.

Pagwatch · 30/03/2011 10:40

Well except scottishmummy,I think I would agree with you if the op posted " I only chose to buy new for my baby"
That is her money, her choice.

Where she is probably being unreasonable is in being judgemental about things someone else is buying.

blondepinhead · 30/03/2011 10:51

You got given everything in 0-3 months? Wow, we got loads of stuff in 3-6 months and quite a bit in 6-12. Nothing at all in 0-3, which was fine as she lived in babygrows then anyway. I guess we were really lucky.

sandfish · 30/03/2011 10:59

Hi Amber76

If you can afford it - it is lovely to enjoy buying some new things for your first baby, and you may get new outfits as gifts (even if not from your MIL.)

BUT I would say hang on to the second hand stuff for a while , don't regift it immediately. You'll find babies generate an incredible amount of washing and have more clothing changes in a day than I could ever have imagined before mine was born! You may well be grateful for the second hand clothes even if you find this hard to imagine now. It seems harsh to call you a snob based on what you have written.

Pagwatch - I am interested in what you say about the need to reduce the stigma of charity shopping, because I haven't thought about that perspective. Instead I felt a bit guilty when buying stuff from charity shops because I could afford not to I had a nagging feeling perhaps I should leave that stuff for people who really need it and don't have other options and so the 'bargain' would mean more to them than to me.

mamatomany · 30/03/2011 11:01

Only one person bought 3-6 months, my mother who bought him shorts and tshirts and short dungeree's that would fit him in December, her 6th grandchild so you'd have thought she'd know better.

Underachieving · 30/03/2011 11:05

YABU

Good lord OP, take a reality check.

Pagwatch · 30/03/2011 11:07

Sandfish
Smile

I don't think you can think like that really tbh. Firstly there are a finite number of people who will want and buy any given item. If you don't buy it then maybe no one will.
And secondly if you make charity shops places where only poor people go it becomes pretty condescending.
People use charity shops for loads of reasons including the environment and of course the charity who benefit.
Everyone can, and IMO should, use them