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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL buys baby clothes from charity shop

247 replies

Amber76 · 29/03/2011 22:36

I am expecting my first baby next week. My partner has told me that his mother has already picked up a few bags of baby clothes from a charity shop.

I'm happy to get given old clothes that my nieces and nephews have outgrown but I don't like the idea of putting my new baby into charity shop clothes. Am I being a snob? I wouldn't wear clothes from a charity shop so why should my baby?
I think I'll just say thanks and then donate them back to a similar shop in a few weeks. Is it too much to expect her to want to buy something new for her grandchild? She is not short of money....she just thinks this is a sensible way to shop.

OP posts:

QuintessentialShadows · 29/03/2011 22:44

Very snobby. Sorry.

I gave 9 boxes of baby clothes to my local sure start centre (and made my health visitor cry). The clothes very hardly worn, Gap, Benetton, Petit Bateau, John Lewis, DKNY, Vertbaudet, some Next and H&M.

It is a VERY sensible way to shop.

pippibluestocking · 29/03/2011 22:44

Depends on whether you like them and what condition they are in, rather than where they came from. They will be washed before sale, and no doubt, you would give them another wash. I got some great stuff from charity shops, I now donate DCs clothes to charity shops and hopefully someone else can get use from them. They are no different from NCT sales in terms of their origins. Personally I'd rather get a tasteful 2nd hand Baby Gap / Boden outfit from a CS than some hideous frilly new number from Primark

DuelingFanjo · 29/03/2011 22:45

it is sensible but I do understand why you might not like it so your plan to re-donate is a good one. Or if any of it is nice you could always e-bay it and spend anything you make on somthing brand-new.

YABU to expect your mil to spend more money though. What does DH think?

candleshoe · 29/03/2011 22:45

PFB!

OP will grow out of it!
Its just a stage she's going through!

petisa · 29/03/2011 22:46

YABU. It's so wasteful to buy a tonne of brand new clothes for a baby that's going to be in them for 10 minutes when there is a load of worn-for-10-minutes second hand stuff to be had in charity shops and on ebay. The baby's only going to poo and puke on it all anyway

DuelingFanjo · 29/03/2011 22:47

is there any history between mil and you? is it that you feel she doesn't value ou or her grandson much?

onehotmomma · 29/03/2011 22:47

yabu, most of mine and the dc's clothes come from bootsales. Most are from next and cost next to nothing :)

babies go through clothes so quickly. Not only that they puke,poo and wee on them which will ruin them but you will find out soon enough

Lotkinsgonecurly · 29/03/2011 22:49

I was like this before I had ds. However, after realising how expensive clothes are and how grateful I was to receive clothes wherever they came from I completely changed my tune. Now ds and dd are both dressed in boden, joules, john lewis and m&s, jigsaw junior all from ebay

When maternity pay kicks in and you realise how quickly babies grow out of things and how many changes of clothes they can go through you should change your view. If you don't then I really think you are being narrow minded.

harecare · 29/03/2011 22:50

I wish I had your MIL. It really annoys me that mine has to keep buying things for DDs for no reason. I don't think you're being completely unreasonable though, it is nice to have some new stuff when they are first born, but your MIL is being very reasonable and responsible. She is making a choice based on sound economics and fair trade. Charity shopping is good on so many levels, so you may want to have a think about her/your ethics.
As a compromise why not ask your friends/family to donate their used baby clothes? That way you will tolerate the 2nd hand, it's better for the environment and giving the other clothes to a different charity shop gives that charity more money.

AngryBeaver · 29/03/2011 22:51

YANBU, I don't blame you for wanting new things for your baby! I can't believe noone agrees.
I also would accept things from relatives,but would be well hacked off to receive charity shop stuff from mil.(secretly) I would smile,say oh,thankyou...and re-donate.
Maybe I am a snob,but I agree with you and think it's normal to want new stuff for your baby?

BadPoet · 29/03/2011 22:53

YABU

candleshoe · 29/03/2011 22:54

I would hope to get something new from MIL, as well as secondhand clothes, I think, in fairness to OP.

sarahtigh · 29/03/2011 22:54

even if you dont like them choose the nicest put baby in it take photo send to MIL loads of brownie points for you, my DD had loads of stuff fro her cousin who is 11 months older really nice stuff we had to buy stuff in tiny baby size as all the presents were 0-3 months and 3-6 months as they never use the small size except we did she was not wearing 0-3 months stuff until she was 4 months and now in 6-9 months at 16 months so because she is small she grows slower so she wears things for longer

I got the cutest pair of tweed shorts Molly and Jack for £1.04 on ebay, second hand is great esp for going in garden and getting muddy just wish I could find cheap second hand welles as £16 seems a bit much but they are the only people making size 3 everyone else starts at size 4

I dont think you are a snob but a bit ungrateful, 2nd hand next boden is a great deal better than new primark etc

Bumperlicioso · 29/03/2011 22:54

I find it a bit odd to care so much about what your children wear. Most of my dds' clothes have come from nct sales and the like. Not very eco friendly to buy all new.

Firawla · 29/03/2011 22:56

yanbu i don't think its nice to buy presents 2nd hand or from charity shops, unless you are sure that the recipitant is happy with that. there's nothing wrong with buying for yourself or own kids if you wish to do so but as a gift it seems a bit different and as you say its her new grandchild and she is not short of money so it may seem a bit 'tight' to just buy from charity shops only, i understand what you mean.
it is sensible, yes but as a present its not really the norm to shop from there.
i would get 2nd hand for my own dc if it was good clean condition then fine but would never buy it for a gift/for someone i did not know would be okay with it

MalkieFraser · 29/03/2011 22:57

I don't think yabu at all. I was exactly the same when mine was a newborn. This is gifts we are talking about, I would never buy somebody's new baby clothes from a charity shop. As for money being tight, once my daughter had outgrown all of her lovely new newborn clothes, I sold them on eBay to fund the next size up. Still works now and she's three.

dancerz · 29/03/2011 22:59

I buy lots of stuff in charity shops for myself and DS. However I wouldn't have wanted to do that when he was just born (back when I was prewashing everything in the blood of virgins etc).

bubblecoral · 29/03/2011 22:59

I don't think you are being a snob, and I agree that if she wants to buy presesnt she should buy new stuff.

I wouldn't have put my baby in clothes that came from the unknown either.

verysomething · 29/03/2011 23:00

Crikey! Some strong opionions... I hope you don't think we've been too harsh, it's a different mindset liking charity shop stuff, I ADORE it but... I can understand where you're coming from.

Really hope you'll come around to liking charity shop gear (give it a good 90 wash with Napisan, and respect the survivors )

But don't feel too bad if you can't reconcile yourself to the idea, there are too many other things to beat yourself up about... this shouldn't be one of them. And PLEASE don't let it be an issue in your family, if you REALLY hate it just for god's sake don't tell MIL, pass it on to a friend or another charity shop.

notsweatingthesmallstuff · 29/03/2011 23:00

I think it is perfectly reasonable to be unreasonable about this when you are pregnant with your first child! I am sure you will take the clothes graciously, and maybe you will find that once your baby is here and real, you will be happy to use them, at least when your MIL is due to visit. And be gentle with your MIL, being a prospective or new grandparent is a delicate balancing act between being involved and being a nuisance-grandparents dont get it right every time any more than parents do, but usually they do their best!

Mrswhiskerson · 29/03/2011 23:01

I love charity shops I use them all the time for my ds ,money is tight and my baby is dressed in next john lewis and gap things I could never afford if I bought them at retail price .
I have just donated a big bag full of 0-3 month clothes some of which my ds never wore because he grew so quick.
By buying clothes from charity shops you are in turn doing a good deed for charity so it's win win .

cory · 29/03/2011 23:01

Some of the nicest things dcs had came from charity shops.

candleshoe · 29/03/2011 23:03

I donate a bag to my local hospice shop every month or so - sometimes the clothes are barely worn because my MIL buys new things for my DCs which are not to my taste at all.

blackeyedsusan · 29/03/2011 23:03

yanbu. new babies are special. it is nice to have special things for them. smile sweetly, thank her and don't use them if it bothers you. if you send them back unworn, they will get sold again and do another charity good. (i do buy clothes from charity shops)

COCKadoodledooo · 29/03/2011 23:04

Sorry, but yeah I think you're being a snob. New or used, it's all gonna get shat or puked on

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