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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL buys baby clothes from charity shop

247 replies

Amber76 · 29/03/2011 22:36

I am expecting my first baby next week. My partner has told me that his mother has already picked up a few bags of baby clothes from a charity shop.

I'm happy to get given old clothes that my nieces and nephews have outgrown but I don't like the idea of putting my new baby into charity shop clothes. Am I being a snob? I wouldn't wear clothes from a charity shop so why should my baby?
I think I'll just say thanks and then donate them back to a similar shop in a few weeks. Is it too much to expect her to want to buy something new for her grandchild? She is not short of money....she just thinks this is a sensible way to shop.

OP posts:
PortBlackSandwitch · 30/03/2011 08:40

I wouldn't put a new born in charity shop clothes either. The ones round my way all smell odd and have stained and grubby clothes in them. Maybe that's just round here though? Grin

when DS1 outgrew his clothes we put them away for DS2 - when we got them out before DS2 was born i was [shocked] at how grubby some of them were and binned them...and that was from one of my babies to another....

....

PortBlackSandwitch · 30/03/2011 08:41

I used to wear charity shop clothes as a student because they were cheap and it was the grunge era and i was living in London then and the charity shops were nicer...

lesley33 · 30/03/2011 08:42

Or those who are genuinely poor and have been judged for that in the past. I really think our culture is designed to make poor people feel ashamed. And I think this is why genuinely poor people often shun charity shops.

lesley33 · 30/03/2011 08:45

Sorry my message was supposed to follow on from Pagwatch's. Sp Pagwatch said:

"The only people who judge second hand shop clothes are those terrified of being judged."

And I said

"Or those who are genuinely poor and have been judged for that in the past. I really think our culture is designed to make poor people feel ashamed. And I think this is why genuinely poor people often shun charity shops."

AmazingBouncingFerret · 30/03/2011 08:48

Hmm I'm currently sat here wearing River Island jeans and a TopShop jumper both from charity shop.
My daughter was sent to the CM wearing a BabyGap dress and a monsoon cardigan, again, both from charity shop.

Very snobby. At least have a look through the bags your MIL has bought it may well change your mind about charity shop clothes!

Clytaemnestra · 30/03/2011 08:48

I bought all new for DD when she ws tiny, then I discovered ebay. She's dressed now in lots of mamas and papas stuff, bit of Next and a bit of some other nice brands. I just don't want to spend 30 quid on a cardigan for her when I can get the same cardigan for 4.50 or similar on ebay.

Charity shops are just the same thing really, and the best thing is I get less upset when DD grinds baked beans into the sleeves :)

RudeEnglishLady · 30/03/2011 08:56

Don't panic. Just root out the treasures - unworn, designer label...whatever and recycle what you don't want back to another charity shop.

If she gets arsey and wants the baby in these particular clothes all the time then she's a loon and you have problems! Otherwise just relax :)

I love getting my son 'posh' stuff - I'm having him and him alone so I do have a bit of a 'little doll' thing with him at the moment. I don't like dressing him in trad blue 'boy' clothes and designer stuff is often more varied. That said, I've got some lovely items that my Mum rooted out from charity shops in the UK that I don't love any less than the stuff I paid a bit for. I also took a lot of hand-me-downs from family and then re-routed the bits I didn't like. Having the basics in hand mean you don't feel guilty about spending big on a few posh things.

You are being a bit awful if you think she should buy new - its up to her. You can't dictate a gift and you could try be thankful that she's interested, not all MILs are.

LeroyJethroGibbs · 30/03/2011 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jester68 · 30/03/2011 09:06

YABU.

Both my daughters have had a mixture of new and charity shop clothes or even from other mum's giving/selling stuff and car boot sales.

I used to (still do) just wash it all before they wear them.

You can get some excellent stuff for a fraction of the cost.

Most of the girls stuff had labels of marks and spencers/next/mini mode etc.

My youngest is 10 months old and was in newborn for about 6 weeks, then in 0-3 months for a couple of months, 3-6 months for a matter of weeks. She is now out growing 6-9 month clothes and wearing more 9-12 month stuff. It would cost a fortune to buy everything new that ended up hardly being worn.

By the way my girls always look smartly dressed etc and you would not know there stuff was second hand

Grey24 · 30/03/2011 09:19

Amber76 - I do not think YABUnreasonable - my MIL did something similar and I did feel a bit strange about it - newborns seem so fragile, you want to be sure they are wearing clean, soft things. A few well-chosen items from a charity shop if they are in excellent condition, can be great - I agree with what everyone has said about how good charity-shop clothes CAN be - but they are not always - and I personally think it depends on what your MIL has chosen.
She is making assumptions about what you would find acceptable - and having 'bags' or 'bundles' of clothes makes it sound very impersonally chosen - as if 'any old thing' would do for your new/first baby. So I'm sure she means well, sift out anything that looks useful or nice, but I totally understand you expecting a non-recycled gift.

uniquegeek · 30/03/2011 09:21

YANBU.
I love charity shops especially as I now know how expensive baby clothes are but for a first born I would expect new from granny. it is good sense to buy second hand in the long term though.

Grey24 · 30/03/2011 09:26

PS I should say that I have bought loads of fab things on ebay for my little girl - I really recommend it for eg cardigans, coats etc - but I bought her very first babygros new. But with ebay you know the condition of the item etc - which with a big bundle chosen on your behalf from charity shop, you do not.
I would want to choose what clothes to dress my baby in, whether they were new or not - feels a bit daunting being given so MANY clothes from MIL. Is that part of the problem? Just don't feel you have to use them all & pass them on.

marmaladetwatkins · 30/03/2011 09:28

Aww bless your cotton socks, OP.

I was like you when I was preggers with DS. Precious didn't cover it. Nothing but the best threads would clothe my wunderkind's behind.

I felt like a right dildo when two months later I was packing up over £200 worth of baby clothes to give to charity, most had been worn once or twice. I would not make that mistake again.

Launder them and stick him in 'em. You think clothes that have been kept in a filthy retail warehouse crawling with rats are any cleaner just because they have a tag on? YABU.

uniquegeek · 30/03/2011 09:29

when i saw how dirty dds clothes got with poo, vom and wee etc i was glad to have some new for her. i didn't want poo stains for my pfb.
my best charity shop buy; a bnwt jojo maman et bebe wool fairisle jumper for 2.50 !

marmaladetwatkins · 30/03/2011 09:32

And Pagwatch is right, as per bloody usual Grin ""The only people who judge second hand shop clothes are those terrified of being judged."

My best mate's mum is descended from gentry and mainly shops in charity shops. She couldn't give a stuff what anyone else thinks. I don't think it even occurs to her that anyone would judge her for this.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 30/03/2011 09:34

YABVVVVU. My MIl bought some lovely clothes from a charity shop. I was pleased she made the effort to go out and find them. Only reason why my mum didn't was for some reason there us a dearth of decent charity shops where she lives! I've bought quite a lot of preloved charity shop clothes for the PFB and I'll probably do the same for PSB when she arrives.
It not only saves money and helps a charity it is also environmentally friendly as well!
So yes I think you are snob. I have also bought some fabulous charity shop clothes for myself as well!

nethunsreject · 30/03/2011 09:36

Yabu.

exoticfruits · 30/03/2011 09:36

It never occurrred to me that I would be judged-I told everyone where to go for a good quality bargain. I also showed them MIL wonderful bag of 2nd hand.

MooMooFarm · 30/03/2011 09:38

YABU - but I can understand you being a bit precious about your first baby, so will let you off Grin.

I've bought some lovely things in charity shops - it's like anything else, if you sift through the tat there are definitely bargains to be had. I know so many people who will happily pay a tenner for some second hand clothing on ebay but wouldn't dream of setting foot in a charity shop Confused.

silverten · 30/03/2011 09:42

Look at it this way.

It takes more effort and time to look for nice things in charity shops than it does to swan into Boden and slap down the credit card.

What would you prefer your MIL to do- put in the hours and love, or splash the cash without much thought or creativity?

For what it is worth I can understand your impulse to have your PFB dressed nicely in something pristine. However (unless money is not a worry for you) you will probably come to appreciate that as long as the clothes are clean, warm and comfortable, it is not really worth the effort of making sure they look just so all the time.

I personally enjoy the challenge of finding nice things in charity shops and putting them all together to create pleasing outfits. It is a way for me to use some creativity in dressing my DD which I prefer to simply spending money on a cute outfit that someone else has put together. Not dissing anyone who enjoys doing that, just that I value the effort more than the cash myself.

ledkr · 30/03/2011 09:45

my mum kitted my dd 7wks out from car boots including some equipment-swing and vibrating chair.Its all lovely,i bought one new pack of baby gros for hospital.I have been buying clothes to fit my fat post pg body too as im hoping its only temporary,The thing with second hand is its always best to check before giving to someone else.

stoatie · 30/03/2011 09:46

I found with both DS and DD2 I was given outfits that I didn't like (fussy I know) or with DD2, she grew so fast that there was some stuff that she had outgrown before it was worn - she had one of those spurts where stuff was too big, I put to back of wardrobe, dug out few weeks later and she had already outgrown it Blush. They were given to charity, still with shop labels on etc, unworn and had just been in wardrobe a few weeks (or in the case of one particularly foul outfit, as soon as I could get to shop- although seriously doubt anyone would have wanted it!)

Onetoomanycornettos · 30/03/2011 09:46

I actually agree with you to some extent. I don't like second-hand babygros precisely because I know they have been covered in sick and poo and however many times you wash them, the carrot stains never really come out. For a new baby I would buy lots of new babygros in cotton and keep them in those for a few months with cardis and hats on too. They are very cheap, and cotton is nicer than some of the flashier nylon mix ones anyway.

I don't mind second-hand at all, wear it myself, and fine for my slightly older children, but I have found some of the babywear stuff from others (not just charity) a bit manky.

JumpJockey · 30/03/2011 09:48

Like someone else said further up the thread, I was more cross when MIL presented DD2 with lots of brand new mothercare clothes - surely she can wear all the stuff her big sister's outgrown, and MIL gave DD1 plenty of new stuff... I went out and bought virtually the first 6 months worth of dd1's wardrobe at the NCT sale for £27, which would get two of the chi-chi little 'outfits' from a new shop.

Maybe we're lucky with the charity shops round here, but most of the stuff dd1 likes best is from them - older style stuff, denim dungarees that have already been broken in, funky old hand knits etc.

blondepinhead · 30/03/2011 09:49

Hmm - look at it this way. The reason you're told to wash new clothes before putting babies in them is because of all the chemicals used in the manufacturing and dyeing processes. It takes a lot of washes to get rid of them.

So not only is your MIL being prudent, and probably buying lovely nearly-new clothes, she is also doing the best thing for your baby's delicate skin.

At least look at the clothes she's bought. I'll bet there's an awful lot of really nice stuff in there if you give it a chance.