to be slightly irritated at my friend's fussy eating DS?

[Flyonthewindscreen]

I had two friends for lunch yesterday, they have three DS between them and I also have two DC. I was trying to think of something easy to make to eat that most people would like so got in various pizzas, and all the usual trimmings, garlic bread, salad, coleslaw etc. As I'm putting it in the oven, friend A says her DS (age 9) doesn't like pizza but does like garlic bread, could he have a sandwich. No prob, I say and make him a cheese sandwich. Then friend B says her DS (also 9) doesn't like pizza or garlic bread or cheese sandwiches. Ok I say, eventually he agrees to eat a jam sandwich. Then I have to put up with my own DC who usually like pizza, etc asking why can't they just have jam sandwiches and then pudding.

My own DD is a fussy eater but in this scenario I would ask for her to have a small portion and tell her to make a token effort. I was a bit irritated by my friends pandering to her strapping nine year old DS (hope I didn't show it!). AIBU?

I'd be worried about a child that thinks it's normal to have a jam sandwich as a meal? And then a pudding! WTF? YANBU. Those kids are going to struggle as they get older.

I don't like cheese or tomato so would struggle with pizza or cheese sandwiches. Its not pandering to ensure your child eats something that they like.

This is how I deal with this type of situation (I am the mother of two NON-fussy children). Firstly, whenever food and other people's dcs are involved, I make a conscious effort and decision to not notice what they do/say. I consciously decide it may not be my approach but its' not my business.

If friends are coming for food, I ask in advance what the other families like to eat, and if I know that the dcs may still refuse I don't spend hours and hours preparing and fussing. I do nice food, just not spending hours and £££ that I later feel a bit cross about.

Also for just one meal, I would tell my own dcs what the other dcs are having, and if they just want a sandwich I just let them get on with it and feed them a main meal later at tea/dinner time.

Having said that, I do feel irritated sometimes but unless you want to fall out with friends then you need to accept that some dcs are fussy and it's not your place to challenge/sort this out.

Strictly, YANBU, but I would have thought if you were inviting people for lunch, you would have put in a quick call regarding likes/dislikes/allergies, no?

fussy eaters are incredibly annoying. I understand you completely.

I find fussy children a bit of a PITA but am aware this is MY issue, not theirs (and hope I don't show it)

For me I think it's because I have DC that will eat anything (not being smug - they just do)

Maybe next time check beforehand what what everyone is likely to eat? (But am a bit that pizza and garlic bread were a thumbs down, I must say...)

I have a fussy DS but he does like pizza & garlic bread! If he goes to a friend's house and isn't keen on what has been cooked, he'll eat a small bit or eat the bits he does like (e.g. eats brocolli but leaves the roast potatoes - weird child!)

I would NEVER ask someone to make an alternative for him and at 9 years old...

It's a bloody nightmare having a fussy eating child, often despite your best efforts. Sometimes you don't feel like having yet another battle about it in front of friends or general public.

I know it's annoying, but try and sympathise a bit, we don't all have children that comply at mealtimes.

This has struck a bit of a chord with me tbh as I have several friends with fussy children. I see those same children eating 3-4 biscuits at toddlers'/home just before lunch, and surprise surprise "not hungry" or "don't like" the lunch.
I know that some children are just fussy, and this doesn't apply.
My own dcs who happen not to be fussy would have a reduced appetite after eating 4 biscuits.
(sorry, off on a tangent there)

I can see what you mean, but just because you all like pizzas, doesn;t mean that everyone else does (weird I know )

In future I would call the other families to check likes and dislikes, that way, everyone gets what they like and you only have to prepare one meal.

DS has two particular friends for whom there is no overlap at all in the Venn diagram of what each will eat. It's a right PITA. And they're 14! Tend to avoid having them both for meals, frankly, as I refuse to run a Little Chef and cook different things.

YANBU

The parents should have told you beforehand if their kids are that fussy.

I would not have made them alternatives tbh, when kids come round to play without their parents here I give them what I've made, they can eat it or be hungry, their choice. Luckily for them I know them quite well, know their likes and dislikes, and take that into account when deciding what to cook them.

But if I had new people round, with parents or without, I would offer a selection of neutral food and if they didn't eat anything that would be their choise.

My DC eat anything - tread on their foot and the top of their heads fly open!

When a fussy eater comes for tea, if I remember I ask their mums what they like/don't like, if I forget to do that (which is about 50% of the time) I do exactly the same as the OP and opt for something which 'most' children like (sausages, pizza, pasta etc).

If the child doesn't eat I don't worry about it, but I don't offer them a different meal. I say to the child 'sorry but that is all we have' and when I hand the child back I appologise to the mum and say 'sorry but he didn't like what I made for tea so he may be hungry'.

I then thank my lucky stars I don't have to deal with it every day.

I had a child back once to whom I had to give bread and butter for her tea

And it HAD to be butter because she didn't like marge

Well, pizza is only a neutral food if you like cheese and tomato, quite a few children (and adults ) don't. It is irritating, but I wouldn't get het up by them eating one jam sandwich.

One thing I do when children come around is check first, and also do something like pasta where they can add their own toppings (ham. cheese, pesto, etc). This has never failed me yet!

Can I just point out that some DC just really do not like pizza. One of mine for instance. Can't stand pizza or pasta for that matter, but will eat anything else.

I do think the parents should have called in advance to tell you, though. It's hurtful when people (whatever) their age don't eat the food you have given them.

Dd is generally not a fussy eater - will try most things - but top of her dislike list are sausages and pizza! I feel for parents who think they have made something child friendly only to discover dd would rather eat raw veg. However, I would never have asked you to make something else - if my dcs don't like what someone has cooked for them - they have to try it and they absolutely do not get anything else.

I don't think its fussy actually. They may simply not like cheese.

Also, don't take it personally!

Thanks for replies, I should have checked re menu I guess but thought that having various flavours of pizza, garlic bread and assorted other bits and pieces was enough for everyone to pick out something they would like....

I think what you offered sounds perfectly safe and unrisky choice for visiting children and I do think the parents should have just steered them to have a bit of the things they could manage, definitely not asked for anything else. Tbh feeding other people's dcs is a nightmare - little boy aged 10 visiting here on Fri refused to eat pasta, tomato, tuna, parmesan, olives, pineapple, apple, most of which (apart from perhaps olives) I had thought was pretty uncontroversial - and I wanted to ask him what he eats at home then. Had a similar experience recently with a visiting child aged 8 who would only eat cucumber. Having said that, mine, who eat fairly unfussily at home, are sometimes less keen on something I would have thought they would eat when we are out, on the basis that it's not the same as I would do at home. Still, in that case I would never ask for something else, and just reckon they could have a bit and possibly something else at home.

I must be a softy cos I would offer a child something else if they didn't like what I made. Just some toast or fruit or something. If my dd then wanted the alternative then so be it - it's not like we have people round every day (although dd would probably want the original meal and the alternative).

fussy eaters are a pita.

I also think that parents are often largely to blame for the fact that children remain fussy.

And I speak as someone who was the fussiest child imagineable to the extent my diet consisted largely of dry cereal, meat, potato, but that was about it - I hated all fruit and veg and this was predominantly because I didn't like the texture. I was also the type of child who would have gone hungry rather than eat something I didn't want.

But instead of encouragement, my mum pandered to this fussyness and as such I am still relatively fussy as an adult.

I do totally get the difficulty of having a child that will only eat a limited diet, but by nine a child should be able to realise that if he doesn't eat what he's given then he goes hungry. All these children out there that are essentially allowed to live on diets of bread and butter are not being done any favours by their parents.

I'm the same as you wannaBe, so am determined that my children will nto be fussy eaters - so far so good.

Mine are fussy eaters but if we are eating at someone else's house I tell them that their either eat what is there or go without. Sounds harsh but I find it rude to ask for something else and think it will only encourage the fussiness.