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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be slightly irritated at my friend's fussy eating DS?

376 replies

Flyonthewindscreen · 28/03/2011 12:56

I had two friends for lunch yesterday, they have three DS between them and I also have two DC. I was trying to think of something easy to make to eat that most people would like so got in various pizzas, and all the usual trimmings, garlic bread, salad, coleslaw etc. As I'm putting it in the oven, friend A says her DS (age 9) doesn't like pizza but does like garlic bread, could he have a sandwich. No prob, I say and make him a cheese sandwich. Then friend B says her DS (also 9) doesn't like pizza or garlic bread or cheese sandwiches. Ok I say, eventually he agrees to eat a jam sandwich. Then I have to put up with my own DC who usually like pizza, etc asking why can't they just have jam sandwiches and then pudding.

My own DD is a fussy eater but in this scenario I would ask for her to have a small portion and tell her to make a token effort. I was a bit irritated by my friends pandering to her strapping nine year old DS (hope I didn't show it!). AIBU?

OP posts:
huffythethreadslayer · 28/03/2011 19:03

I haven't read the whole thread, but love the concept of having a child who's fussy at home, but not allowed to be at someone else's house.

If I could make my child not be fussy at your house, do you not think I'd make her not be fussy at her home? Parents with fussy eaters have usually tried endless strategies to try to get their child to eat other foods. Most have been exposed to peer pressure in terms of eating and it's failed. They've been offered a single meal and no alternative, and it's failed. They've been encouraged, enticed, cajoled, ignored, bribed, yelled at and finally accepted for what they are...an enormous pain in the ass to anyone who wants to feed them.

If dd goes anywhere, I tell the parent not to worry about feeding her. I say she's fussy and deal with feeding her when she gets home. She's my problem. I wouldn't willingly inflict her on anyone else but as I don't want her to grow up anemic, sickly looking and a social misfit I have to rely on the kindness of others in this regard.

In return I have looked after horribly rude, judgemental, ill behaved, ignorant kids (not all of them are like that, of course...what kind of cow would I be if I thought that of every child but my own?) who belong to other people cos guess what? All kids have their faults. If the worst one people can think of for my girl is her fussiness with food, I'll deal with it!

Beachcomber · 28/03/2011 19:08

Why are so many children in the UK funny about food though?

Seriously. I live in France and although I do know one fussy child, all the other children I know eat pretty much everything you put in front of them. Same with the adults. And, TBH the child in question is 'fussy' for French standards but she is nothing like the kids I hear about in the UK.

Most of the people (children or adult) I know here eat a massive variety of foods - I'm trying to think of something that I wouldn't cook if I had guest children coming round and I can't think of much. I probably wouldn't cook tripe for the kids although it would be greeted with enthusiasm by most adults.

I have never met a French adult (or child come to think of it) who doesn't like tomatoes or pizza.

There must be a reason for this surely. I say this as someone who was a bit fussy as a child BTW.

kerala · 28/03/2011 19:11

But conversely the kids who eat up the food Ive made with relish and say "that was delicious" really go up in my estimation.

MollyMurphy · 28/03/2011 19:23

As a parent and guest I would not expect or even allow a host to make seperate meals for my kids as I think its bad manners and not a good social lesson. I would expect my child to at least try what is offered or I would help modify what is offered so that they will eat it (remove onions etc). It sounds like you had a variety of things aside from just pizza so even a picky eater should have been able to find something. If even this wasn't an option for whatever reason I would have brought something for my child, not asked the host to make any adjustments.

I always have this issue with my MIL because we will have a family meal where someone has gone to the effort of cooking and she will bring a pizza for all the kids. Mine must eat some of the main meal to get a slice of pizza and even then I only allow this so that he's not left out.

Just my view.

gramercy · 28/03/2011 19:24

People in England have always been funny about food.

Fil was telling me about the time when he was in the Navy in the War and they washed up at some US stronghold. The food provided was of the like no-one had seen for years, if ever. Acres of steaks, vegetables, potato...

Fil said he couldn't believe that half of the English blokes were complaining. "What's this muck?" "Eugh, don't like this" and being thoroughly ungracious.

hotbot · 28/03/2011 19:32

my children are not fussy eaters - however i really feel for friends of mine who have children that are...... so i pander - hey they dont come round often, and as a hostess i want my guests to feel comfortable - its no biggee to pander a little bit.
tho i am dreading dniece/dnephew visiting as fussiness is taken to a new level !lol, still i will survive!

ButWhyNot · 28/03/2011 19:36

I always offer the fussies something else - sandwich/baked beans/ jam straight out of the jar - whatever they will tolerate, really, as long as I have it on hand. The child is a guest in my home and want them to be happy and not hungry. Just so long as MINE understand that jam sandwiches are NOT an appropriate meal.

woollyideas · 28/03/2011 19:40

My DD is a fussy eater and if we visit someone and they ask 'what would she like?' I tell them not to pander to her and that she can eat what's put out, or go without.

I can't stand fussy eating and feel very aggrieved that I've ended up with one in the family!

fishtankneedscleaning · 28/03/2011 19:42

I am a foster carer. Most children who have been placed with me will only eat chicken dippers, fishfingers, sausage, smily faces and chips when they first come into care.

I allow them to eat what they like for the first week, whilst also introducing "alien" foods, and then they have to eat what the rest of the family are eating or go without. Within the month they are eating most food items.

I cannot believe how children get to the age of 9 and they have never eaten a vegetable or fruit other than a banana!

Children are only fussy about food if their parents allow them to be. Most people may not like occasional foods but most people, including children, will eat most foods.

It takes the parent to serve the "offending food" around 17 times before a child will taste it. Perserverence is the key.

theinet · 28/03/2011 19:52

I can't abide fussy eaters as i view it as a social handicap, but i do know that some kids are fussy and your tastebuds do change as you grow up so may kids pass through a "don't like" phase.

adults though shouldnt be pandering to children's fussy whims though. "eat that or eat nothing" was what i was told when i was young. It eventually worked!

NappyGallor · 28/03/2011 19:57

You see i think although there are plenty of fussy eaters at age 9, i think 9 is an age where alot of the time it isn't being fussy, the child has just leart what he does and doesn't like.

In this case, the child doesn't like pizza. There isn't anything wrong with that, he just doesn't like it.

You hear of these stories from the older generation where they won't eat cabbage or tapioca or the like because they were forced to eat it whether they liked it or not.

Making an older child eat something that they genuinly don't like is a bit off imo.

fishtankneedscleaning · 28/03/2011 20:04

NappyGalore Most 9 year olds will say they dont like a food because they have never been offered it. OR they have learnt that if they say they dont like something they will be given something else instead.

Obviously if a child really does not like cheese - after been offered it in many different ways then he is not going to eat pizza. But you will be surprised how many children will say they dont like cheese yet will eat pizza, ham and cheese omelette or any dish where the cheese is not identifyable as cheese.

TheNumberTaker · 28/03/2011 20:06

I do think there is a big question of taste involved in this. My fussy eater would not like some shitty cheap frozen pizza from a supermarket. She would eat brown pasta with a homemade veggie sauce. Just because she won't eat generic crap aimed at kids makes her fussy amongst per peers. But not necessarily wrong.

Fishtank, I think your 17 times/perseverance comment will probably make the parents of fussies on here, who care enough to post about this stuff, weep. Do you honestly think none of us have tried this and all the other tricks? As well as paediatricians, nutritionists etc. More times than you've eaten your own hot dinners, I warrant.

NappyGallor · 28/03/2011 20:07

I think in this case though, pizza is a treat food and it is very unlikely the child would never have been offered pizza before. Most kids won't turn down pizza unless they really don't like it so the op calling the boy fussy was abit off imo.

fishtankneedscleaning · 28/03/2011 20:07

It is the easiest thing in the world to place 4 peas on a childs plate and tell him if you eat all your peas you can have ice cream for dessert. He will eat them. And before you know it peas becomes a normal part of his diet.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 28/03/2011 20:08

'Children are only fussy about food if their parents allow them to be'

Sorry but that's bollocks frankly.

fishtankneedscleaning · 28/03/2011 20:09

number taker. Fine thats your opinion. Works for me though Wink

NappyGallor · 28/03/2011 20:10

I have been putting swede and carrots on dds plate for the last 4 years with a bribe of pudding after - it hasn't worked yet!

fishtankneedscleaning · 28/03/2011 20:11

It is obvious that people tolerate their children to be fussy eaters. I have no problem with that. If a child is told there is no "favourite food" here today do you think the child would starve rather than try something else?

HumphreyCobbler · 28/03/2011 20:12

I am thinking of the peas I have served up on DS's plate at least twice a week, since he was eating food. Never ONCE has a pea passed his lips.

he would give a flying fig if you offered him ice cream in exchange for a pea

if it was as easy as you thought why on earth do you think we put ourselves through the hell that is a fussy eater?

HumphreyCobbler · 28/03/2011 20:14

I have a non fussy eater too, did it all the same way with her but she eats everything

NappyGallor · 28/03/2011 20:15

My dd has gone to bed hungry several times because she wouldn't eat her dinner. In my house it is eat what you are given or go without and i NEVER make seperate meals - ever.

My ds will eat anything though - he isn't fussy at all.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 28/03/2011 20:15

The answer to your question is yes fishtank, some children will.

It seems that the time spent with SALT, dietician and dev. physc has all been wasted. Just needed to be a better parent. Who knew?

kitbit · 28/03/2011 20:15

How lucky for all of you intolerant people that you don't have fussy eaters. How perfect mealtimes must be. Just consider yourselves bloody lucky and stop peering down your noses at those of us who have fussy eaters because yes, I have tried everything in the book at least three times. And mostly I can keep happy but it's people who express impatience and declare they would never put up with it that make me realise how near the end of my tether I actually am.

Goody for you. Try and be a little more understanding. Angry

NappyGallor · 28/03/2011 20:16

And my dd doesn't get favourates at every meal either. If that were the case it would be pasta every nightWink

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