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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my parents are selfish ****'s?

201 replies

jinglebelly · 26/03/2011 18:25

sorry for typos, nursing at keyboard! Anyway, my parents (divorced) both live close to us, my mum doesn't work and is fit and healthy - my dad works but spends all his free time doing self absorbed new age workshops. DH and i have 3 dc's from 4 months to 5 years. It was our decision to have 3 children and i'm not trying to shirk my responsibilities but DH and i haven't even been out for as much as a meal together for over a year. my mum will come over on a sunday if we cook her a roast, arriving 10 mins before we eat and leaving half an hour after we finish, this is the only time my dc's see her. my dad is just as bad and just so utterly self absorbed. our dc's are going to have no memories of their gp's at all , they never offer to do anything with them... Aibu to think they are selfish?

OP posts:
ddubsgirl · 26/03/2011 19:16

i is hard,my ils use to babysit my sil dd all the time as she works and in school hols but they use to moan about doing it and it was too much for them,so sil moved her to same school as my kids and i look after her 3 days a week and same in the hols but that was wrong too and now they moan they dont see her.

worraliberty · 26/03/2011 19:18

I understand what you mean OP.

Babysitting aside (which you don't need them for) it's never nice when GPs don't take an interest in their Grandchildren.

What about their Paternal GPs are they in the picture?

Thingumy · 26/03/2011 19:21

People have got selfish I guess Jingle.

pointydog · 26/03/2011 19:21

I know nobody has to, boo. I'm just talking about a bit of human kindness and consideration. Not about Duties which have to be done.

Original poster
jinglebelly · 26/03/2011 19:22

paternal gp's are even worse, spend every wknd getting paraletic and probably see dcs once or twice a year, sad.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 26/03/2011 19:23

IM always amazed that people think grandparents should do more. Why? Once you are an adult you are no longer their responsibility nor are your children their responsibility.

ENormaSnob · 26/03/2011 19:23

Reap what you sow.

worraliberty · 26/03/2011 19:24

I have to say you're being a bit judgemental about what the GPs do in their own time.

But that aside, it's always nice when GPs are happy and eager to see their GCs...but if they're not then they're not I'm afraid.

HappyMummyOfOne · 26/03/2011 19:25

Do you visit them and do anything for them other than cook lunch? Do you ask them if they want to do x as family or go for a day out?

They can be good grandparents without providing childcare, never understand why childcare is seen as the measure of a good grandparent.

Maryz · 26/03/2011 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thingumy · 26/03/2011 19:25

it's not about grandparents and their responsibility is it? it's about taking a interest in your grandchildren.

Original poster
jinglebelly · 26/03/2011 19:26

worraliberty - judgemenatl in what way?

OP posts:
MarianneM · 26/03/2011 19:27

jinglebelly - in calling your father's hobby self-absorbed!

BooyHoo · 26/03/2011 19:27

some people just dont like children, babysitting isn't appealing to them. some people aren't 'family' orientated. some people aren't considerate. some people are takers (Dmum eating there every week without helping to cook or offer to cook sometimes is selfish, but not seeing the dcs is not selfish). blood doesn't make people like each other. the fact that your DD had children does not suddenly make you like children/want to be around children/want to look after children if you weren't like that before. some people just melt when their GDCs arrive, some dont. it doesn't make them selfish that they dont.

Violethill · 26/03/2011 19:28

"self absorbed" new age workshops is a tad judgemental. It may not be your cup of tea, but it keeps him happy, and its his free time.

MarianneM · 26/03/2011 19:28

And this: "paternal gp's are even worse, spend every wknd getting paraletic"

Original poster
jinglebelly · 26/03/2011 19:28

it is very self absorbed

OP posts:
Violethill · 26/03/2011 19:29

And I can't recommend highly enough that you find a babysitter who you can pay, so that it's absolutely a 'no strings' contract.

I just get the feeling if you're able to get out for an evening with your DH, you'll actually stop fretting so much about what you're NOT getting.

Original poster
jinglebelly · 26/03/2011 19:31

MarianneM - sorry how should I say that? They spend every weekend getting paralectically drunk, please tell me, how would you say that in a non-judgemental way?

OP posts:
BooyHoo · 26/03/2011 19:31

jinglebelly why shouldn't he absorb himself in something? who should he devote his spare time to if not himself?

Thingumy · 26/03/2011 19:32

agree boo

My mother once told me 'I did my time bringing you up so don't ever think that I'll want to have your children'

I don't think I'll have the patience or time for elderly,infirm parents.

Ho hum.

Original poster
jinglebelly · 26/03/2011 19:33

Violethill- I'm not saying it's not my cup of tea, I think it's great and so does my dad, he really enjoys it but the kind of workshops he does are very self absorbed

OP posts:
worraliberty · 26/03/2011 19:34

worraliberty - judgemenatl in what way?

Describing your Dad's workshops as self absorbed and saying the paternal GPs spend their weekends getting paraletic.

Obviously I don't know you, but perhaps your parents and your inlaws pic up a hostile attitude from you?

You'd have to be pretty unlucky for 4 grandparents to not want to know their grandchildren.

earlyriser · 26/03/2011 19:35

But when you have children don't you expect that one day they will have children too? Isn't it part of the package that one day you might have grandchildren and it would be nice if you showed some interest in them?

Op isn't asking for them to rear them fgs, just wanting them to show an interest.

Violethill · 26/03/2011 19:35

Fair enough. Its self absorbed. But I can't see the problem with that. I might decide to take up self absorbed hobbies in my retirement - and if so, then I'll damn well deserve it after nearly 40 years of teaching!!

Anyway, what about the babysitting issue? Don't you think you'd feel a whole load better if you organise a night out with your DH - apart from anything else, it will reinforce in your head that you don't need your parents around for that.