To hope my sister is about to learn a really hard lesson?

[Sistertrouble]

where do I start.

Dsis was on her very last chance with her landlord and I think she has just blown it.
She rents the house she lives in but the council pay her rent and council tax.
Lets say my sister is not the cleanest person in the world, well her house is an absolute pigs sty, its dirty smelly, even flys have moved in.
The house has no order in it at all, clean and dirty clothes mixed together spread all over the house, kitchen draws hanging off, holes in the walls and doors,
Just a complete mess.
My parents and I are always bailing her out doing a deep clean, fixing things ect before her landlord does a check, but it never lasts, a few days later it's back to the way it was.
Her poor dcs have to live in that, they go to school in dirty clothes, they wear the same socks all week, their feet really smell, god knows why the school haven't said anything they must of noticed.
The beds never have any covers or pillow cases on, their bedrooms carpets all ripped up, the dcs have no boundaries and never told off when they're naught, my sister has no control at all.
I could go on and on but I won't bore you with it all, yesterday her landlord turned up out of the blue and of course the place was a tip, she came because neighbours made a complant about the state of the garden, the gate blew off, well so she says, but i know the kids climb up and down it.
The landlord has said she will be doing weekly checks from now on, she is going back next week.
The icing on the cake is her oh lives there and he works full time while she us claiming to be a single parent, the landlord knows this as she has been told by neighbors and has said she is going to tell the council what she knows.

Sorry this is long but aibu to hope he gets caught living there and landlord gives her notice for her to move out?

thing is, i have seen schools pass over children as they have "always been that way!"

Totally agree.

OP, I think you're only getting a small part of the picture.

She sounds very depressed or domestic abuse victim.
I suspect the money is going on drugs or gambling.
Clue: it's going somewhere.

Isn't it a little confusing to you that up to her 2nd child everything was fine ?
Don't you scratch your head and wonder what's happening that you're not seeing ?

Thanks for the imput and advise,
I do love my sister very much thankyou.
I want her to get help, I want her to change, me and my family have tried talking to her about her health , we have said to her we think she is depressed, but she won't admit it iif she is, she denies it, tells us she is fine, we can't drag her to the docs or hv.
I can't believe some of you have said I dont really care and want her to fail, I honestly don't want that. I want her to be happy and for her children to be happy.
If I really didn't care I wouldn't help her out with money to buy gas and electric when she runs out of money, my dh wouldn't go round to her house and fix doors and light fixings for her because her dp is so useless, I wouldn't of given her my dcs cot because hers broke.
I've never been to her house and said in a nasty way her house stinks and is dirty ect, we said she needs to keep it cleaner in a nice way.
No her useless dp doesn't pay towards house hold bills, they just blow the money they get, most of it goes back to people they have borrowed of during the months, he buys expensive push bikes and goes riding alot, if one brakes rather than fix it he will buy a new one, they have no money sense at all, they buy the kids new toys alot but they get broke so they buy more, really they dont have much to show for his wages, they hide it really well if it goes on drugs and drink.
I know alot about them because I see them alot, they live close to me and our dcs go to the same school.
I'm going to call ss and ask for advice and also I'll call her hv and tell her our worries.

I think you sound like a really caring sister and aunt. I honestly can't see why you have had a bashing here you are already providing practical help for those poor children. Good on you for contacting ss before something dreadful happens.

I think you really need to make those calls as her children will suffer.
Is the DP the children's father of just someone she picked up along the way? He sounds feckless either way.

If those children do not get help now they will end up like their mother and my children will end up paying their taxes to support your sisters children in adulthood. It has to be stopped now.

I think you've been treated really unfairly, too, OP.

No matter what, your sister has to own up to her responsibilities or face consequences.

That's how it is.

Our dad fecked off to another country when we were in our teens, we don't really speak to him much

I can't believe some of you are giving the OP such a hard time - she's not crowing or gloating in the least. The sis may or may not be depressed or ill, but if she is then she needs to recognise it and seek help. I have known several people who live in chaos and squalor and they are certainly not ill or depressed - just incredibly lazy and disorganised.

Yes, four young children are hard work, but they are hard work for everybody and not everybody lives like this.

I agree with expat and IloveTiffany and Bucharest. I doubt SS would do much so long and the children are fed and safe and not abused. they have bigger fish to fry than dirty socks and a diet of takeaways. (at least I hope they do.)

But this girl's family need to sit her and her partner down and give them both a really stern talking to about talking responsibility for themselves and their children. If she wants to keep that house then the man needs to move out pronto, and all evidence of his stuff removed. I don't advocate what she's doing (it makes me SICK frankly) and I am loathe to see it continue, but to punish them by taking the house away is to punish the children and I don't see the benefit of that at all.

Things were abit shit tbh, our parents were both having affairs, it was actully our mum who left first with her oh, who she is now married too and our dcs adore, she left us all with our dad because they was staying in a b and b, my dad moved in with his oh and left us to fend for ourselfs, they still paid the bills and bought us food, I was 17 and my sister was only 12, we have a brother too who was 16 at the time, eventually they had to sell the house, my mum and my sd bought a house and my sister went to live with them, I had moved into with my dps parents and our brother moved in with a friend.

I agree with expat and IloveTiffany and Bucharest. I doubt SS would do much so long and the children are fed and safe and not abused. they have bigger fish to fry than dirty socks and a diet of takeaways. (at least I hope they do.)
^^^ Is a load of crap. I work for children's services and its not seen as simply dirty socks and takeaways its seen as living in circumstances where children are unlikely to meet their full potential/have huge potential to come to harm. Just because someone isn't throwing a child down the stairs/against a wall doesn't not mean they are NOT being abused, and neglect is at present the biggest category of child abuse in the UK so lets not play it down.

Not a good up brining but you are doing ok so I really don't think your sister can use that as an excuse.

My mum and dad were not married, did not live together and he died when I was 12. The tax payer raised me (much to my shame) free school meals and such. I have only ever claimed benefits once (kidney failure big op six months off sick)
I left school got a job worked hard, got engaged, got married then got a flat with DH had 2 children that have seen their dad go to work everyday of their lives and me work around school time our house was always clean. So having a bad start in life is not a reason to carry on living like it, I made sure my children would not be raised the way I was.

Ah well that explains alot Sister. And I bet your sis was very young when she has her first child wasn't she?

OK, Gemsy point taken. It's just that frankly, many hundreds of thousands of children live in conditions like this, and whilst some of them are obviously being neglected physically and emotionally, many are not - their parents are just erm...eccentric? Filthy? Certainly I have had at least two pertfectly sane and intelligent friends who are good parents but utter sluts and slatterns, and their houses could make your eyes water.

Whilst I think it is a disgrace and a tragedy, the sheer magnitude and prevalence of people living like that can never be tackled by SS, when they have to prioritise, with far more serious and obvious cases of actual abuse to sort out first. It's utterly depressing that we live in a country where people can have so much financial and practical support and yet SS is as over-worked as it is, but there we are.

And as an aside, I am utterly depressed by a system that allows a woman to have four children over a period of years by the same man, and yet repeatedly claim the benefits of a single mother, (presumably no questions asked about birth certs, where the father is, etc.) Either he isn't paying anything through the CSA and he should be, or he IS paying and they either haven't linked the fact that she is 'single' yet in a long term relationship that regularly produces kids, or they know, but don't consider it an issue worthy of their attention as far as her claiming single parent benefits are concerned.

Surely whether she says she lives with him or not - she is CLEARLY not single, and there is CLEARLY a regular man around who should be paying for to house and feed his own family.

I agree it's not an excuse, my brother and I turned out ok.
She had her 1st dc at 16.
It really pisses me of that the system is so easy to play, they did spit for a while when she was pregnant with her 2yr old, they never questioned it really, just took her word for it, he dosent pay the csa never has, just gave her cash when they were not together.

the one stating school in nappies without much talk needs help. imo.
is she being helped?

So you are just sitting back and letting your neices and nephews live like this???

Your sister is an adult...she has a choice.

They dont.

Call SS.

Becaroo easy now. She's on asking for advice and she has been helping. It's not an easy situation and she has her concerns for the kids as well. It's already been pointed out she has a duty of care to the children which she is aware of.