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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hope my sister is about to learn a really hard lesson?

223 replies

Sistertrouble · 26/03/2011 13:34

where do I start.

Dsis was on her very last chance with her landlord and I think she has just blown it.
She rents the house she lives in but the council pay her rent and council tax.
Lets say my sister is not the cleanest person in the world, well her house is an absolute pigs sty, its dirty smelly, even flys have moved in.
The house has no order in it at all, clean and dirty clothes mixed together spread all over the house, kitchen draws hanging off, holes in the walls and doors,
Just a complete mess.
My parents and I are always bailing her out doing a deep clean, fixing things ect before her landlord does a check, but it never lasts, a few days later it's back to the way it was.
Her poor dcs have to live in that, they go to school in dirty clothes, they wear the same socks all week, their feet really smell, god knows why the school haven't said anything they must of noticed.
The beds never have any covers or pillow cases on, their bedrooms carpets all ripped up, the dcs have no boundaries and never told off when they're naught, my sister has no control at all.
I could go on and on but I won't bore you with it all, yesterday her landlord turned up out of the blue and of course the place was a tip, she came because neighbours made a complant about the state of the garden, the gate blew off, well so she says, but i know the kids climb up and down it.
The landlord has said she will be doing weekly checks from now on, she is going back next week.
The icing on the cake is her oh lives there and he works full time while she us claiming to be a single parent, the landlord knows this as she has been told by neighbors and has said she is going to tell the council what she knows.

Sorry this is long but aibu to hope he gets caught living there and landlord gives her notice for her to move out?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 26/03/2011 15:36

beingsetup....i disagree. its all to do with the individual. i have 5 dc....and i'm a lone parent too. my house is clean and tidy as are my dc. i do all my own diy because i have to. some people just dont have the same ideals as me,i accept that. its life

littleflora · 26/03/2011 15:36

Beingsetup. Yes of course you wash floors, clean up and provide for your children because you love them. Just like MOST mothers.

I have worked with "mothers" who have no wish to do these things for their children. Most are not ill. They are just plain lazy and, quite frankly, do not give a toss about the welfare of their children.

portaloo · 26/03/2011 15:37

beingsetup I think the OP said her sister also has 4 DC.

I also cannot imagine how I would cope with 4 DC. I struggle with 2, and my eldest is an adult.

ObscureReference · 26/03/2011 15:40

beingsetup - are you ok? Not in mean way, i am serious. You can start another thread to talk if you want?

OP - cant add more as others have said what I would, but put it far better!

coccyx · 26/03/2011 15:41

I have 4 children and a hubby who works away. You just have to get on with it. My children so my responsibility. Yes a lot of stuff is boring and never ending but thats life with children.

fishtankneedscleaning · 26/03/2011 15:43

I have 4 children. My house is clean, and so are my children. And so were the very many children I have fostered. So much so that many of the children requested not to go back home and moved on to adoption or long term foster care.

Who wants to live in chaos and filth???

beesimo · 26/03/2011 15:45

From your post OP it sounds like you are absolutly crowing over your sisters 'failures' it must be so difficult for you and your parents to be related to such a flop. Yes why don't you grass her up to every authority possible its a real shame they banned ducking stools, still you can always slag her off to everyone you know can't you. Its all so awful for YOU!

beingsetup · 26/03/2011 15:45

I'm fine Grin just cleaned the house for 2 hours. Luckily I'm hyperactive, and my kids get to school every day clean, well fed, happy etc, and I do do the work every day in addition to giving them love attention and help with homework.

I am saying that it is hard work. I don't mind doing it, it's part and parcel of being a mother. And I'm also houseproud Grin

I would think if someone was feeling depressed the pressure of having that much work would get to them. To wish them homeless is just plain mean, and not addressing the problem.

coccyx · 26/03/2011 15:46

Why does she need a cleaner for goodness sake??
Is she disabled, no just bone idle.
OP said her and her parents have sorted her out a few times but nothing changes.
I would say the childrens basic needs are not being met, a child about to start school that can hardly speak and still in nappies??? Get them out of there and give them to someone who will care

Earlybird · 26/03/2011 15:47

Beesimo - completely unfair, imo.

OP sounds worried and wanting to help. Would it be better if she simply washed her hands of the situation and let her sister deal with the fallout?

portaloo · 26/03/2011 15:48

Exactly fishtankneedscleaning!! Who does want to live in chaos and filth?

That's what I find so difficult to understand about the OP's sister or indeed anyone who lives like that. I struggle to believe they choose to live that way without any serious underlying reason, not just bone idleness.

portaloo · 26/03/2011 15:50

I hope OP comes back soon.

fishtankneedscleaning · 26/03/2011 15:50

Portaloo the point being the sister has a choice. The children dont!

Earlybird · 26/03/2011 15:50

portaloo - imo these situations take years to develop, and people become gradually accustomed to the filth/mess/chaos.

We can't imagine living in that way, and find it shocking to observe. To OP's sister, it has over the years, become the norm so not shocking in any way - i would think.

maypole1 · 26/03/2011 15:56

i am surprised shes married

bemybebe · 26/03/2011 16:00

from your post yanbu

she and oh need to start caring for their children and their home, not relying on their parents to do deep clean
having a messy house is one thing but leaving on a bombsite and having "flies moving in" is unacceptable

mamatomany · 26/03/2011 16:09

This is why I always comment on the whats it like to have three or four children threads. I have 4 and my advice is if you love playing with children, like them look clean most of time, want to be able to keep on top of their homework, be well disciplined, have treats and a good healthy duet then you'd better be very rich so you can buy in lots help or be fckuing super woman because generally speaking the more children you have the more time you spending cleaning full stop. And it's soul destroying.

fishtankneedscleaning · 26/03/2011 16:15

mamatomany. Yes it may be soul destroying. If people cannot look after their children properly they can always stop having more!

GypsyMoth · 26/03/2011 16:19

mama....why not teach your children to help you? why not bring them up to automatically do the basics? why not instill in them some basic values so you arent playing matyrr to a load of kids?/

and thats absolute rubbish.......big families do not mean more cleaning at all!

mine have all made their own beds since age 2.....since they moved from cot to bed. its not hard. now they are older they strip their own beds without thought each weekend too. they cook,clean sort and tidy. they arent perfect,but they have got more adept as they have got older

it doesnt have to be soul destroying you know. back as recently as 1960's,kids were not pampered as they seem to be today!

mamatomany · 26/03/2011 16:22

I usually say that too Fishtank and get an earful but it's true, 4 children are bloody hard work, few people are prepared for the levels of energy, sacrifice and self discipline required (myself included). There is a reason most people stop at 2.

mamatomany · 26/03/2011 16:29

Well hats off to you Tiffany mine are so naughty it's a battle to just get them to put the clothes away they've taken off in the living room. Ask them to tidy up you'd think I'd slapped their faces and sold their puppy, i've fallen into the trap of it being quicker to do it myself I guess.

TheSecondComing · 26/03/2011 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grandhighpoohba · 26/03/2011 16:38

That's twice the op has suggested that the school should notice and do something. You know that something is wrong and you are doing nothing. Hoping that her eldest will display behavioural problems so that the authorities will notice something is not right? Shock You do realise that by that time the damage will be done, right?

You know that these children need help. Do something Phone SS

expatinscotland · 26/03/2011 16:38

It's her lookout, OP.

YANBU.

Sistertrouble · 26/03/2011 16:43

I know it's hard work looking after 4 dc, i have 3 myself and 2 dsc,
I don't wish my sister and her children homeless at at, but something needs to be done, my sis thinks it won't happen and people will bail her out all the time.
No she doesn't have any friends, we have dcs the same age, we went to a few baby groups together but she gave up going, she really has no confidence to make friends.
Her other half is just as bad, he thinks because he works and she doesn't he can relax when he gets home from work. They don't see his side of the family.
Looking back it all started after her 2nd dc was born, they rented a really nice house kept it clean, it didn't work out for her landlord and needed to move back into the house, after that they rented a flat and it went down hill from there.
I really dont know where his wages go, they never seem to have any money.

OP posts: