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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have sent 4 yo dd to bed with no story for this..

290 replies

camperli · 25/03/2011 19:48

Having dinner in a hotel and had (pre) ordered a fancy dessert for dd.
She was off having a play in the kids' playroom when dessert came and when she came back I offered her mine (same as we had ordered for her) as they had not brought hers and I was too full to eat all of mine.

DD refused to eat mine and insisted at length on having her own. Eventually I thought, well, we have ordered and paid for it so we may as well get it, so I asked for hers to be brought. They brought a child sized version of mine, not so pretty or so much. She tasted one bite and then pushed it away and said she didn 't like it and wouldn't try any more.

I'm afraid I saw red, marched her to our room immediately and sent her to bed with no story. When asked by very tearful dd why she was being sent to bed, I answered that her behaviour had been selfish and greedy, but I'm not sure that that is an explanation a 4 year old can understand. She has fallen straight asleep.

I am still really angry, but don't know how to explain this come tomorrow morning. Also not sure if my reaction is appropriate.

OP posts:
SilveryMoon · 25/03/2011 19:50

Sorry, just to clarify, you sent your dd straight to bed because she didn't want to eat her pudding?

Goblinchild · 25/03/2011 19:52

You ordered a dessert for yourself and were too full to eat it. Your 4 year old tried her s and didn't want it, and she's in trouble?
You sound like a pretentious fool.
Poor little mite, no story because she didn't eat her pudding.

shakey1500 · 25/03/2011 19:52

I think YABU. She didn't like the dessert, told you so. Not like she threw it acriss the room or anything.

But I suppose tons of us have overreacted at some point.

Skinit · 25/03/2011 19:52

I think YABU....I don't blame her for being uhappy with that. I think you should have got her dessert brought as soon as you saw it was missing.

She didn't want a half eaten dessert and neither would I.

Leverkusen · 25/03/2011 19:52

You did exactly the same thing!

shakey1500 · 25/03/2011 19:52

*across

Original poster
camperli · 25/03/2011 19:53

Well, yes kind of. It was more that there was a perfectly good pudding being offered her which she refused to eat. (ie mine).
Having been given her own, she refused to eat it so there were 2 plates of virtually untouched food left, which is what made me cross

OP posts:
alarkaspree · 25/03/2011 19:53

Yes you are, sorry. Fair enough if you'd refused to order her the dessert in the first place, but having given in on that one she doesn't deserve to be punished because she happened not to like it.

Please let it go now.

InTime · 25/03/2011 19:53

Completely and utterly unreasonable.

"Marched her to our room", because she didn't want to eat it all?

Are you stressed about anything else right now that could have made you lose it quite so unreasonably over such a small thing?

If you'd made her eat it and she was sick later on bet you'd have been so happy about that.

Sassybeast · 25/03/2011 19:53

Well perhaps she 'didn't' like it ? OTT on your part - I think she deserves a huge hug and a 'sorry for being OTT' in the morning? I'd try to avoid telling a 4 year old that she is greedy in future.

rubyslippers · 25/03/2011 19:53

I wouldn't have sent her to a room

I can't get my head round punishing a child for not eating pudding

I think your reaction is ott

I don't like waste, but I don't know how you can call her selfish?!

zisforzebra · 25/03/2011 19:53

Nope, doesn't sounds appropriate from your description. YABVU.

4FoxAche · 25/03/2011 19:54

Eh?

That's a bit harsh isn't it.

She waited patiently for her own dessert, tried it, decided she wasn't that keen on it?

I wouldn't call that selfish or greedy myself.

DontCallMeBaby · 25/03/2011 19:54

You've told her she's greedy because she DIDN'T want to eat her pudding. That's a pretty mixed message.

thinkingkindly · 25/03/2011 19:54

YABU because not many kids would want to eat leftovers from someone else's plate. And she probably didn't like it. It was a bit bratty, but you overreacted. Sad to go to sleep being punished - if she is still awake, go and read her a story!

I have been horrible to my 4-year-old DD today too - for pestering me while I was trying to work. I think it's the same thing - too high expectations from parents who are trying to do something else (work in my case, have a nice dinner in yours!) We'll be nice tomorrow!

FabbyChic · 25/03/2011 19:54

Thats a bit over the top, she didn't like it simple, you cannot force children to eat something they do not like, I used to near puke when I was forced as a child to eat something I didn't like.

femalevictormeldrew · 25/03/2011 19:54

YABU (but then again I am a softie!). You must be on holiday? Then relax and enjoy it!

ChasingSquirrels · 25/03/2011 19:55

no, your reaction probably wasn't appropriate but she went straight to sleep, so wasn't too fussed about it - will she even refer back to it in the morning?

take a deep breath, do whatever floats your boat to calm yourself down, and move on.

Goblinchild · 25/03/2011 19:55

Why didn't you eat your pudding? Eyes bigger than your stomach?

namechangeahoy · 25/03/2011 19:55

I think YABU. I don't really understand the relevance of her being offered yours and not wanting it etc. I'd have been frustrated at a child not wanting something they'd previously asked for but kids do that all the time and IMO sending to bed is a wild overreaction. Sounds to me like she was tired and, well, 4 years old.

littleomar · 25/03/2011 19:55

yabu but 4y0s can wind you up and you wouldn't be the first person to have over-reacted to normal 4yo behaviour at the end of a tough day.

i wouldn't beat yourself up about it. be especially nice to her tomorrow.

verytellytubby · 25/03/2011 19:55

OTT.

rubyslippers · 25/03/2011 19:56

You are prescribing adult emotions and feelings to a child

My children don't particularly care if i have slaved over seomthing or paid a fortune for a meal they eat two bites of

Original poster
camperli · 25/03/2011 19:56

Gosh, pretentious fool!

Quite likely.
Still, the dessert she was offered wasn't half eaten. It was one of those silly fancy ones with lots of different bits to it. There was one bite taken out of one of the bits and the rest was all there looking very elegant.
But it sounds as if IABU.
And yes, I am also tired so should give us both a break.

OP posts:
SilveryMoon · 25/03/2011 19:56

Well, then I have to say that I do think YABU. Without a shadow of a doubt.
I'd be over the moon if my dc's didn't want their puddings!
I think if she'd thrown her bowl on the floor, fine, send her to bed, but she didn't, she told you she didn't like and and didn't want anymore, if it were me, my response would have been "ok, if you don't like it, don't eat it"
Plus, remember 'greedy' is a very negative word, and unnecessary IMO