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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have sent 4 yo dd to bed with no story for this..

290 replies

camperli · 25/03/2011 19:48

Having dinner in a hotel and had (pre) ordered a fancy dessert for dd.
She was off having a play in the kids' playroom when dessert came and when she came back I offered her mine (same as we had ordered for her) as they had not brought hers and I was too full to eat all of mine.

DD refused to eat mine and insisted at length on having her own. Eventually I thought, well, we have ordered and paid for it so we may as well get it, so I asked for hers to be brought. They brought a child sized version of mine, not so pretty or so much. She tasted one bite and then pushed it away and said she didn 't like it and wouldn't try any more.

I'm afraid I saw red, marched her to our room immediately and sent her to bed with no story. When asked by very tearful dd why she was being sent to bed, I answered that her behaviour had been selfish and greedy, but I'm not sure that that is an explanation a 4 year old can understand. She has fallen straight asleep.

I am still really angry, but don't know how to explain this come tomorrow morning. Also not sure if my reaction is appropriate.

OP posts:
Bluemoonrising · 26/03/2011 08:15

Wow. Just wow.

You are mad at your daughter because she didn't eat YOUR pudding or her own (which she didn't like).

I'm just really gobsmacked that you are so angry at your daughter that there were two plates of food left, when one of them was YOURS. You overordered and your daughter gets the blame??

How very very bizarre and unreasonable.

FreudianSlippery · 26/03/2011 08:25

I think making a child only order something if they've already tried it off their parent's plate is a bit silly TBH.

OK so you might get some waste, but surely you want to encourage them to try new things? Wouldn't you as an adult try something new in a restaurant, and take the risk?

CheerfulYank · 26/03/2011 08:29

I think YABU, but we've all been a bit OTT at times haven't we? Forget about it and carry on. :)

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 26/03/2011 08:31

ecobatty - you never, ever let your child have any pudding? Why on earth not?

Honestly - with your ranting at him regarding world food prices and restrictions like that you are heading for having an obese teenager as soon as he can get his hands on money to buy things for himself.

MistyValley · 26/03/2011 08:46

"MistyValley do you think it was being naughty or just being a normal 4yo?"

Both.

My interpretation (and none of us were there, so we might all be wrong) is that

a) the OP's DD was offered the OP's virtually untouched dessert

b) DD refused even to try it, insisting instead on having her OWN identical dessert

c) when her own arrived, she tried a small piece and refused to eat any more

Firstly, I don't see the problem with the child being asked to share the parent's dessert. It's not really any different from being asked to share a pizza or a bowl of chips that is on the table for general consumption.

For a child to demand their OWN - instead of sharing - is behaviour that shouldn't be indulged imo. In that situation (I hope) I'd patiently explain that the food is there and they can either have some or not.

And yes, having been indulged, the child refusing to eat it would be extremely annoying, but for me, the 'naughty' behaviour was refusing to share and demanding their own.

But none of us were there, so we don't really know the nuances of the behaviour of either the DD or the OP. The way the OP writes it, her reaction might have been OTT and she has said that, but I really don't get all the people saying it's tantamount to child abuse that a child should be asked to share virtually untouched food on the table.

scuzy · 26/03/2011 08:50

god almight i cant believe there are 6 pages of replies about this.

ye sounded stressed. just apologise to dd. pick your battles. not the end of the world. you were a little unreasonable alright but just say sorry and explain you were upset and you have ordered her a special desert and she didnt like it ... thats all.

end of

diddl · 26/03/2011 08:53

Well I agree that it was an overreaction, but it is annoying when children insist on something & then don´t want it when it arrives.

But OMG, some of the responses on here, you would think that OP held her daughter down & force fed her the pudding.

But why was daughter off playing when pudding arrived?

For me, if she had left the table, there would only have the offer of the remains of my pudding tbh.

scuzy · 26/03/2011 08:58

sounds like she didnt even ask for it though. the desert was pre ordered .. whether she wanted it or not. so ye cant blame the child. maybe she was full ... as you sais diddl she was already away from table so i suppose felt she was done.

again anyways i think the whole thread is over dramatic and OP just apologise we all have off days and whether its something we paid for or slaved over for hours at the cooker we do get annoyed at our kids when they turn their nose up at food, but thats kids for ye!!!

MistyValley · 26/03/2011 09:00

She did ask for it though, "DD refused to eat mine and insisted at length on having her own.".

MistyValley · 26/03/2011 09:02

but do agree with your second para Scuzy!

KatieMiddleton · 26/03/2011 11:33

Ignoring the OP (too depressing) I am actually lmao at ecobatty thinking a 4.5 yo cares about first world/third world relationships and that "I have a master's degree in economics so I'm perfectly capable of explaining supply and demand to my ds". Yeah because most 4 year olds can grasp economic concepts or give a crap. Oh and where did you get that masters? Even GCSE geography students know it's developed and developing world Hmm

I can't work out if your posts are ironic eco or just middle-class twaddle.

Goblinchild · 26/03/2011 11:36

It's proof that you can know stuff and be a crap teacher KM.

scuzy · 26/03/2011 11:43

guess her name is apt then - eco and indeed batty!

OP why havent you come back?

Alouiseg · 26/03/2011 11:50

That sounds like a lesson in how to instill an eating disorder in a young child.

Eat it up because other children are starving!!!! Yup, eating disorder on it's way.

rockinhippy · 26/03/2011 14:49

talk about OTT reactions to encouraging kids not to waste foodShock

I was also brought up with not wasting food & to remember how lucky I was as Children in other parts of the world were starving & sayings like "eyes bigger than your belly" etc - no eating disorder here, or any where else in my family - who were ALSO brought up to be grateful & not wasteful with food -

Unless regularly force fed, or plates piled ridiculously high & made to feel guilty for not eating it - I'm sorry, but that sounds like a poor excuse to me

Alouiseg · 26/03/2011 15:00

The op had pre ordered the child's pudding. The poor kid had nothing to do with it. Definitely someone with food "issues" I feel.

Nothing like guilt around eating to cause problems.

ll31 · 26/03/2011 15:03

can't believe in any case anyone would ever get upset cos a child didn't eat dessert... - if she was full, why would you be upset that she didn't eat it.. really don't get it

rockinhippy · 26/03/2011 15:06

I suspect by "pre ordered" the OP means the pudding came as part of a kiddy meal package,

BringBackGoingForGold · 26/03/2011 15:08

Wow, lots of judging here. A little OTT in your response, maybe, OP, but you know that, and from a non-four-year-old perspective e.g. yours, refusing food, demanding something else and then rejecting it is annoying and not to be encouraged.

I think it just needs an apology 'for being a grumpy mummy' as someone above suggests, and then you can move on. Any similar issues can be dealt with as she gets older and is more able to understand explanations.

Pandamoanium · 26/03/2011 15:08

OP, did you also tell yourself off and go to bed early without a story for not finishing your own pudding? How very naughty of you!

BunnyWunny · 26/03/2011 15:23

The child obviously was being a little madam. You were not being unreasonable to punish her.

RamonaFlowers · 26/03/2011 15:34

Eco what a patronising response to my post. It is my opinion that you are deluded if you imagine your DS gives a shit, or has the first clue what you are on about.

And are we all going to start whopping out our feckin' degrees now and waving them in each others faces to win arguments?

Christ on a bike. Take a pill or something.

Gay40 · 26/03/2011 15:35

I'll stick my neck out and say I don't think you were being unreasonable. DP would have done much the same, as we are quite strict about manners and behaviour. Hence why DD is a lovely polite happy child.

I'm willing to bet the "You Are Mother From Hell" brigade are the ones who believe in free expression aka the owners of the nasty little unruly twats running round that everyone wishes would sit down and shut up.

RamonaFlowers · 26/03/2011 15:38

No, actually Gay40.

And most of us are just saying, yes, you made a mistake on this occasion. Which the OP seems to think she did, otherwise why post? She was feeling guilty - that's fine and normal when you over react.

Alouiseg · 26/03/2011 15:44

Actually Gay40 my children are slim, happy, healthy, polite well mannered teenagers.

So let's not throw ridiculous assumptions and generalisations about.