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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have sent 4 yo dd to bed with no story for this..

290 replies

camperli · 25/03/2011 19:48

Having dinner in a hotel and had (pre) ordered a fancy dessert for dd.
She was off having a play in the kids' playroom when dessert came and when she came back I offered her mine (same as we had ordered for her) as they had not brought hers and I was too full to eat all of mine.

DD refused to eat mine and insisted at length on having her own. Eventually I thought, well, we have ordered and paid for it so we may as well get it, so I asked for hers to be brought. They brought a child sized version of mine, not so pretty or so much. She tasted one bite and then pushed it away and said she didn 't like it and wouldn't try any more.

I'm afraid I saw red, marched her to our room immediately and sent her to bed with no story. When asked by very tearful dd why she was being sent to bed, I answered that her behaviour had been selfish and greedy, but I'm not sure that that is an explanation a 4 year old can understand. She has fallen straight asleep.

I am still really angry, but don't know how to explain this come tomorrow morning. Also not sure if my reaction is appropriate.

OP posts:
Becaroooo · 25/03/2011 19:57

YABVU

SmethwickBelle · 25/03/2011 19:57

The expression is "contrary" - they are confusing little spuds at time, you have my sympathy, I was scratching my head over an interchange with my 3.9 year old where I lost my rag after he changed his mind and then threw a tantrum over a drink choice earlier today...

I think concepts like greedy and rude should be able to be used at 4 or around then.

I think eating the food someone has prepared is a courtesy and one children should be encouraged to understand.

Maybe you were both tired - have a cuddle in the morning and explain why you got cross and say sorry if on balance you think you over-reacted but don't beat yourself up too much x

SchrodingersCatFliesToOz · 25/03/2011 19:57

She did taste it, which is good she doesn't have to like it Confused or eat it if she already had a full meal. It sounds like she was probably overtired for the story as she fell straight asleep.
Forget about it tomorrow. She will have.

bigbeagleeyes · 25/03/2011 19:57

Goblinchild
Grin

Nagoo · 25/03/2011 19:58

YABU and you know it.

It made no difference to you at all that she wanted her own pudding. Why did you get angry about this? I just can't see what made you get upset with her. You ordered pudding and didn't want it all. You'd ordered and paid for her pudding, and she didn't want it all either. She tried it.

She's not being greedy. She's 4. She doesn't want your cast off, she wants her own lovely new pudding.

Goblinchild · 25/03/2011 19:58

You didn't eat yours after sampling it, yet punished her for doing the same.
Illogical and unfair.

holyShmoley · 25/03/2011 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

earlyriser · 25/03/2011 19:59

I think eating the food someone has prepared is a courtesy and one children should be encouraged to understand.

Yes but the op also didn't eat her dessert, double standards much?

Georgimama · 25/03/2011 20:01

She did exactly what you did. She probably didn't eat hers precisely because you didn't eat yours, and thought she was being just like mummy. Then got punished for it. Nice.

Have you sent yourself to bed for being selfish and greedy too?

Bluebell99 · 25/03/2011 20:04

Yes of course you are being unreasonable. agree with Goblinchild. Infact i think you are winding us up.

TidyDancer · 25/03/2011 20:04

Oh your poor little DD. :(

What a horrible thing you did.

YABVVU, just in case it isn't already obvious, which it should be.

I hope this makes you think before reacting in the future. You were so very unfair, I feel quite sad for your DD.

All because she didn't want to eat her pudding....Confused

squeakytoy · 25/03/2011 20:05

Wow.. control freak or what?

She didnt want your pudding, she didnt like her own pudding. Why is that a crime? How is that greedy or selfish?

Ever watched the film Mommie Dearest?

PeachesandStrawberry · 25/03/2011 20:09

YABVU.

She didn't like her pudding. Why should she have to eat it all. You didn't.

Are you going to put yourself to bed for being greedy and selfish?

5inthebed · 25/03/2011 20:10

Did your DH march you to your room as well, because you didn;t eat your pudding despite ordering it.

And why are you angry at the desserts not being eaten? You didn't eat yours!

You are very odd.

Wishingonastar7 · 25/03/2011 20:12

I'm confused by this, it's not like you wasted any money as you said you had pre-ordered and paid for the desert in advance and you can't be cross with her for wasting the food as you did the same thing. Would you have prefered it if she'd have tried yours, decided she didn't like it then not have got her desert you had paid for at all?. I am guessing too, since you pre-ordered you told her that she was getting a special desert which she would have viewed as a treat or a present so that's probably why she was so adamant about having her own, it's not her fault she didn't like it. YABU

dittany · 25/03/2011 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rannaldini · 25/03/2011 20:17

I think that when we see red like this there is a reason behind it
I think you need to have a look at that to be honest

What did her refusing to eat the pudding mean to you?

To most it is totally normal behaviour for a four year old but for you it triggered a really strong anger response. IME that usually means that it is something from your childhood or something that is still unresolved about you or your upbringing

This is just from my experience of parenting. I'd try to examine that if I were you
Yabvvu

colditz · 25/03/2011 20:17

You've been unreasonable. You have punished her for not eating shit food - don't be surprised if she's 12 stone by the time she's 11.

Honestly, did you give a second's actual thought to what you were doing??? Really?

FreudianSlippery · 25/03/2011 20:25

I don't get why it was ok for you to leave her pudding, and not ok for her to eat yours!

But it sounds like you've realised YABU so never mind.

Please just give her an extra big cuddle in the morning!

twinkytonk · 25/03/2011 20:27

Wow! You know you've been unreasonable, not eating yours and punishing her for doing the same!

fit2drop · 25/03/2011 20:27

So you punished her for NOT eating a desert that you chose, Its not like she even chose it herself (not implying she should be punished for not eating a desert she chose either, she is 4 ffs!) but the fact is YOU chose it. You state it was a "fancy" pudding. Good grief woman , why did you not order a desert you Knew she liked.Not many kids like "fancy" food. They like plain simple stuff they are used to and if YOU can't eat a desert you chose for yourself for whatever reason how bloody mean to punish her for leaving something she didn't choose to have in the first place.

Your DD is not greedy or selfish.

You however have acted very very unreasonable, unjust, unfair and quite frankly Unf**kinbelievable Shock

kalo12 · 25/03/2011 20:30

she wanted her own desert because she wanted to feel special, not some cast off desert and when hers arrived it was not so big / pretty and she was disappointed.

you are staying in a hotel and it should be a nice occasion. I think you should make it up to her and apologise.
As for selfish and greedy, - you ordered a desert that you then couldn't eat because you were too full, then you didn't want her to have the desert oredered for her......

Relax and enjoy the rest of your holiday together Smile

valiumredhead · 25/03/2011 20:32

Blimey YABVU, I am shocked Shock

bullet234 · 25/03/2011 20:32

If she fell straight asleep then she was probably tired when she tried the pudding.

byrel · 25/03/2011 20:45

Was the pudding something that she normally eats? If it was then I don't think YABU as she has wasting food. That said you also didn't so you've also wasted food so are little better. I do detest wasting food though

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