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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have sent 4 yo dd to bed with no story for this..

290 replies

camperli · 25/03/2011 19:48

Having dinner in a hotel and had (pre) ordered a fancy dessert for dd.
She was off having a play in the kids' playroom when dessert came and when she came back I offered her mine (same as we had ordered for her) as they had not brought hers and I was too full to eat all of mine.

DD refused to eat mine and insisted at length on having her own. Eventually I thought, well, we have ordered and paid for it so we may as well get it, so I asked for hers to be brought. They brought a child sized version of mine, not so pretty or so much. She tasted one bite and then pushed it away and said she didn 't like it and wouldn't try any more.

I'm afraid I saw red, marched her to our room immediately and sent her to bed with no story. When asked by very tearful dd why she was being sent to bed, I answered that her behaviour had been selfish and greedy, but I'm not sure that that is an explanation a 4 year old can understand. She has fallen straight asleep.

I am still really angry, but don't know how to explain this come tomorrow morning. Also not sure if my reaction is appropriate.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 25/03/2011 20:47

She wasnt wasting food. She didnt bloody ask for it in the first place!

reikizen · 25/03/2011 20:48

yikes, you are one mean mum!

LIZS · 25/03/2011 20:50

Sounds like she was overtired (maybe you too ?).

Onetoomanycornettos · 25/03/2011 20:52

It is irritating when you order something, and then they don't eat it. But in this instance, you didn't eat yours, she didn't eat hers, presumably they were part of the set menu. Nothing to get cross over here, but I wouldn't go on about it tomorrow, accept you saw red about nothing in particular (eating in hotels with four year olds is stressful) and just get on with enjoying the reason you are in a hotel, presumably to have a nice holiday and have fun!

cheesesarnie · 25/03/2011 20:54

ott,she didnt want it.did she ask for the fancy/elegant pudding before you ordered it?

go to your room!

LynetteScavo · 25/03/2011 20:55

I think you were unreasonable, but I also think you are both knackered.

And you should have finished your dessert!

Onetoomanycornettos · 25/03/2011 20:55

I'd also say that if she had done something wrong at the dinner table, then sending her to bed without a story is a bit of a bizarre punishment. Why not say, I don't think we will order dessert tomorrow as it's a shame not to eat it (and apply it to the both of you!)

macdoodle · 25/03/2011 20:57

Please please don't go on about it in the morning. Let it go now. Just apologise for being a grumpy mummy.

LargeGlassOfRedPlease · 25/03/2011 20:58

Jesus..now I think I'm the most chilled out/soft mother on the face of the planet! Grin

This is just normal grumpy child behaviour trying to take control of the parents IMO.

Is she an only child by any chance?

Madsometimes · 25/03/2011 21:00

We all make mistakes as parents. The key is to move on.

Don't mention it tomorrow. If your dd asks about it, then say that was yesterday, and today is today. I doubt she will though.

RamonaFlowers · 25/03/2011 21:01

I just think it's important you apologise and explain why you reacted badly.

Sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves for good times to be "perfect".

You had an idea of how magical it would be for her to get this special dessert, and she failed to live out your fantasy of that moment, so you punished her. This would have been so confusing for her.

You know YABVU. But we all make bad calls sometimes. There is no damage if you admit your noodleness, kiss and make up. Enjoy the rest of your well earned break.

SarahBumBarer · 25/03/2011 21:05

Presumably had DD tried your pudding instead of insisting that she had her own she would have realised that she did not like it and then you could have cancelled the second order rather than wasting yet more pudding and incurring more expense? I think that is a reasonable point to make to your DD (try yours in future before insisting on having her own). But this is nothing to see red over or march her to bed over and I think you actually are not clear about why you were so angry and have given DD very mixed messages so I would, like previous posters, assume that you were stressed, overtired, over-reacting and I'm afraid BU.

LoveBeingKnockedUp · 25/03/2011 21:06

Sorry another yabu

Raahh · 25/03/2011 21:07

See, I think the issue here is that the op didn't want her pudding, and offered it to her dd. Her dd didn't want that- she wanted her own-'insisted at length' which suggests to me a typical demandingstroppy 4 yo. To keep the peace, op get the pre-ordered dessert for her dd (as she has asked for it) Then she refused to eat. I would have been a bit cross, too, really.

But I have just returned from taking my 4 yo dd roller blading (with ds, she begged to go). And then she refused to skate. It is frustrating, so in that respect I sympathise

But I can see i am a lone voice, here! Grin

(and aibu scares me, so I am being VERY BRAVE)Grin

everlong · 25/03/2011 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fivegomadinthelambingshed · 25/03/2011 21:11

Yes you are and a hypocrite to boot.

Raahh · 25/03/2011 21:13

But,as a 4 year old enjoying herself, she also probably wanted to stay in the play area, rather than come back to eat. Sometimes, eating isn't as much fun for a child as we think it is for us. Smile It interrupts important things like playingGrin

HeathcliffMoorland · 25/03/2011 21:14

YABU, but I think some people are being too hard on you.

I mean you haven't exactly committed crime of the century.

SmethwickBelle · 25/03/2011 21:15

Raahh you're not a lone voice, I said something similar. I should add I really don't expect consistency from children in general, especially when they're small.

Raahh · 25/03/2011 21:16

Sorry, Smethwickbelle, must have missed your post!

harecare · 25/03/2011 21:17

You over ordered. The room service forgot to bring her pudding. You wanted DD to make up for your/hotel's mistake and got cross when she wouldn't cooperate. You're probably angry with yourself and are punishing DD for that.

Completely unreasonable, but completely understandable. I do it all the time and really should just chill out and remember that DD is not an extension of me, but her own self and shouldn't be punished for my mistakes/poor judgement/whatever.

TattyDevine · 25/03/2011 21:19

YABU

It saddens me when emotions and conditions are so entwined with food.

Food is fuel. I know they are buggers and sometimes "waste" your time, effort, money, etc. But its just food. It needs to stay "just food" or scary things can start to happen later when emotions and relationships get more complicated.

HooverTheHamaBeads · 25/03/2011 21:21

Apologise in morning

Move on

Don't order pudding next time for either of you.

petisa · 25/03/2011 21:22

yabvu

rockinhippy · 25/03/2011 21:23

I don't think you were BU at all, a bit OTT in you're handling of it perhaps, & it could of been explained more clearly to her

but why is is so bad to expect a child to eat the end of Mums pudding when its unlikely she eat a full 1 anyway?? -

& why is the OP BVU for not pander to Princessy behaviour when DD demands her own - my DD definitely would not have been given her own pudding if she had that sort of demanding attitude - end of!

how on earth do you expect them to grow up with good manners & respect for others & not be demanding & wasteful if you don't start teaching them when young?? Shock

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