Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

step daughter & keys to house

175 replies

duckduck · 23/03/2011 14:15

AIBU..... please help... 12 year old step daughter wants keys to house because DS1 aged 11 has them who lives here all the time. She lives with her mum all the time. I don't work and am at home. She comes over every friday on the bus and I am always in. The rest of the time her dad brings her over etc.

I feel odd giving her keys to the house when I am here anyway, DD1 doesn't like the idea either. SD doesn't communicate much with me and is offish (perfectly reasonable as I am step mum and she is getting teenage).

Its causing big old stinkers of arguments. I feel like someone is taking a twig out of my nest. Am I just being territorial and nuts?
Sad

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 23/03/2011 14:16

Tell her if she lived with you she could have keys, but as she doesn't she doesn't need any.

Original poster
duckduck · 23/03/2011 14:17

tried that Fabby chick but her Dad said she wanted them and should have them as a security blanket.........

OP posts:
amberleaf · 23/03/2011 14:19

Maybe she is a bit 'offish' cos she doesnt feel a real part of the family?

As long as she is sensible id give them to her what difference will it really make?

and why does DD1 have a problem with it???!!

seriouslycantbebothered · 23/03/2011 14:19

So let her have keys to her mums house then . She only wants it because DS has one .

BigChiefOrganiser · 23/03/2011 14:19

I'd be exactly the same. There isn't a need for your SD to have a key, she doesn't need to access the house while you're not there.

sue52 · 23/03/2011 14:19

Maybe she would feel more at home and involved with her Father if she had the key to his house.

ForeverNamechanging · 23/03/2011 14:20

If you children have a key than so should she. Treating her differently isn't fair

hellymelly · 23/03/2011 14:20

I don't understand at all why she shouldn't have a key,i would treat both girls just the same tbh.It seems rather unkind to not allow her a key,as though she is always a visitor and doesn't have any claim at all to "your" home,even though its her father's house. This ime is the kind of thing that causes bitterness and resentment and will only worsen your relationship with her.She is a child,none of this is her choice,and I think you and your DH should give her the same perks as your own daughter. It also seems that you are not encouraging relations between the step siblings either. I imagine she will feel more secure if she has a key,and for emregency reasons surely she really does need one? I think you need to be more generous and kinder to her frankly.

ForeverNamechanging · 23/03/2011 14:20

Your*

MeRightYouWrongMeBigYouSmall · 23/03/2011 14:20

if she is part of the family then give her a key - dont give her the alarm code though :)

what is her reasoning for wanting a key? and why is it causing arguments?

NettoSuperstar · 23/03/2011 14:21

Well she doesn't need to have one but I see no reason for her not to have one if it makes her feel more involved in your family.

seriouslycantbebothered · 23/03/2011 14:21

But its not just fathers house is it . She only wants one because DS has one

Original poster
duckduck · 23/03/2011 14:21

Also, her dad kind of pretends in his head that this is their full time home, calls their other house "mum's house" not "home" when talking about it, and wants his girls to feel absolutely at home here - which they do, but they are only here every other weekend to sleep and I think he is being really precious about it. But I can be territorial so need general opinion. She is a bit sly so I think that is why I feel a little uncomfortable... but don't know, I may just be being wicked stepmother...

OP posts:
PhillipeFlop · 23/03/2011 14:21

Bloody hell.

Give her a key. What the hell is the matter with you?

stream · 23/03/2011 14:21

She doesn't need them.
Would she access the house when you're on holiday, if she had keys?

HampstersDontSwim · 23/03/2011 14:22

I would give her a key.
If you dont then you are saying that your home is not hers -it should be her home too.
I think you are over thinking it and your Dd shouldnt really have a say in it tbh, it could look to your Dh that you and your Dd are ganging up on SDd.

Faithless12 · 23/03/2011 14:22

Surely it's her home as well by it being her fathers home it is hers as well. If your DS needs keys with you there all the time then why can't your SD have a key?

BigChiefOrganiser · 23/03/2011 14:24

If she is a bit sly and you don't really trust her, don't give her a key. Would cause more problems to have to ask for it back later if she proves untrustworthy to have one.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 23/03/2011 14:24

Why don't you want her to have a key?

What is DD1's problem with it?

I feel very sad that there's a little girl who isn't allowed a key to her Dad's house - she may not live there all the time, but it is her home to - wherever her Dad lives is home - or it should be.

However, I readily admit I don't know the back story and there maybe a lot of valid reasons why her having one could be an issue.

bibbitybobbityhat · 23/03/2011 14:24

Am utterly amazed that you do not want to give your sd keys to her fathers house. She has keys to her mothers house, why can she not have keys to her fathers?

MrsDaffodill · 23/03/2011 14:24

Speaking as a step-daughter, please give her a key. It is largely symbolic, yes, as you are always there, but it will make her feel a part of the family.

Why on earth wouldn't you just give her one if she wants one?

Why doesn't DD1 like the idea and why does what she want matter more than what DSD wants?

sue52 · 23/03/2011 14:24

It's a family house and your stepdaughter is part of the family. It might improve her attitude towards you. It is a very small thing to fall out over. YABU

ConnorTraceptive · 23/03/2011 14:25

well firstly I would say it isn't up to your dd and her not being comfortable with it is irrelevent.

Secondly if you are always home and don't work the your own DD doesn't really need one does she?

I think you are being a bit mean tbh.

MeRightYouWrongMeBigYouSmall · 23/03/2011 14:25

OP are you scared that she will break in during the night and report back to her mother that you are not as beautiful when you have no make-up on Grin

lesley33 · 23/03/2011 14:25

Just give her a key. If it makes her feel happier, and tbh I can understand why it would, then just give her a key.