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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to pay for my bridesmaid shoes?

268 replies

blue2711 · 22/03/2011 09:13

Title says it all really. I am being bridesmaid for my friend and she has chosen a pair of very expensive shoes (which I don't need or particularly want myself) and she would like me to pay for them. Is this the norm? They are £150 by the way!

OP posts:
rookiemater · 25/03/2011 16:45

Can you offer to back out because you just cannot afford to be her bridesmaid ? That way she knows the implications of what she is doing. She is being completely ludicrous, there is no way you can dictate to someone that they spend that amount on shoes they do not want or will use particularly if they have no disposable income.

If you really cannot get out of it then tell her you cannot afford to buy a wedding present otherwise you won't be able to pay your mortgage.

Original poster
blue2711 · 25/03/2011 16:47

No she's not, ZZZen. But quite a few of the guests are....

I started off trying to be all discreet but it hasn't exactly worked out that way! Imagine if I walk down the aisle resplendent in my green and nude and some woman suddenly exclaims in recognition...!

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 25/03/2011 17:24

lol
we always need to have all the details, it's rue. You cannot back out of it though, can you, she made the mint dress to order....

Are you getting these peep toe shoes then? I dare you to wear black toenail polish when you go to try them on. Say you only ever wear balck toenail polish

ZZZenAgain · 25/03/2011 17:24

True true

aftereight · 25/03/2011 17:46

Can you try the peep toes on and say they don't fit???

DandyLioness · 25/03/2011 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

plupedantic · 25/03/2011 18:11

You can't possibly buy a pair of shoes without trying them on, much less shoes in such an ungiving material as patent.

And: what part of you can't afford it can't she understand? You had a chance to buy LK Bennett when you wanted some nude patent shoes, and you didn't. You chose a pair which cost an arm and a leg less! Now, she can have you in the pair she wants, and pay, or allow you to wear your own, in which case you will have paid.

Are things going badly with the planning of this wedding? That's the only reason I can think of, for someone to take something like this out on you. It is incredibly rude to ignore people's financial situations.

She's being foolish in antagonising you like this; what sort of relationship are you going to have by the time of her Big Day, when she needs someone to go with her to the loo, when she needs someone to run interference with an awkward relative....

StayFrosty · 25/03/2011 18:13

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plupedantic · 25/03/2011 18:16

To be fair, I wouldn't have thought about the implications of a Mother's Day weekend, pre-DS. However, I definitely would not have been as fucking snarky as her about it. I think something's going wrong in her life. There's no way someone could be so inconsiderate to her friends, and impractical.

DandyLioness · 25/03/2011 18:16

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FellatioNelson · 25/03/2011 18:29

I don't think it's reasonable to expect Bridesmaids to pay for any of their own outfits - if the bride is stipulating what they wear then she should pay for it. All of it, as far as I'm concerned.

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/03/2011 18:33

just asked my cousin what colour her bm dress's are ........

thankfully not green Grin

how the hell can someone buy shoes that you havnt tried?

and a hen weekend on mothers day?Hmm

SauvignonBlanche · 25/03/2011 18:38

She's taking the mick!

chickbean · 25/03/2011 19:38

She's not American is she? I have just looked at some wedding etiquette pages and the UK ones say that, although the bridesmaid traditionally used to pay for her dress, now it is the norm for the bride and groom to pay for this. In the US it still seems to be the case that the bridesmaid pays Shock.

I think it's crazy to expect to dictate the outfit and expect people to pay for it - I didn't pay for shoes for mine - but they were all children and I wasn't going to see them all before the wedding, so they just wore whatever they had.

StayFrosty · 25/03/2011 19:55

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StayFrosty · 25/03/2011 19:58

This reply has been deleted

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DandyLioness · 25/03/2011 20:03

This reply has been deleted

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Gottakeepchanging · 25/03/2011 20:06

L k Bennett don't do refunds. They exchange only.

I broke my little toe just walking down the road in l k Bennett heels. No trip, no stumble just stepped off curb- oww

Doctor wasn't sympathetic!

DitaVonCheese · 25/03/2011 21:53

My cousin lives in NYC and as far as I can tell, being a bm in the States costs you a fortune (you have to host all sorts of events for the bride and shower her in gifts, as well as paying for your own outfit).

I work for a wedding video company so will be looking out for green satin and nude shoes Grin

ENormaSnob · 25/03/2011 22:08

She just sounds an absolute cunt IMO

Gumps · 25/03/2011 22:44

I have those shoes and paid ridiculous money for them and the bag to match ( was my ds christening and I do wear them a lot).
However have been gutted to see there are now cheaper copies of them everywhere which you can hardly tell the difference. Can you shop about and try to match them? I am sure they had a similar pair in barrets or the like.
Apologies I only skim read if someone else has said this.

Gumps · 25/03/2011 22:54

Sorry just read thread and see she has already bought them. Nightmare. Glad I read thread though as highly entertaining. Lmao at being told to wear spanx!
Are the grooms men being subjected to the same demands? I know of a guy who made his best men buy hand made suits and matching shoes...

Needanewname · 25/03/2011 23:52

What is she going to do, hold onto them until you give her the money - simple, wear your own shoes. Give her the belt, buy another for yourself!

Good luck, you have my sympathy, hopefully one day you;ll be able to look back on this and laugh (like all those PFB moments, not that I had hundreds many of those!)

A1980 · 25/03/2011 23:52

I wouldn't have bought them.

LK Bennett shoes are shit anyway. They are uncomfortable and their shop assistants take the piss. I once tried on a sale pair thinking I would buy them as they went with an outfit of mine. They were in the sale and they were out on the rack. I asked for a pair from the store cupboard and I was flatly told they only had the pairs left out on display. I pointed out they shouldn't even be selling the display pairs at all as they were filthy. They didn't give a shit and said I had to pay the £70 sale price for a filthy pair of display shoes. I left them on the floor of the shop and walked out. I hope they had fun putting them away.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/03/2011 08:53

solution, do a cinderella and try and shove your foot in and say they dont fit Wink

that will screw her Grin

did you say you have a fitting today? maybe sneak a pic of you in mirror with no head (to protect your identity) though if anyone is at a wedding soon with bm in green ......... you will be outed