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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not want to pay for my bridesmaid shoes?

268 replies

blue2711 · 22/03/2011 09:13

Title says it all really. I am being bridesmaid for my friend and she has chosen a pair of very expensive shoes (which I don't need or particularly want myself) and she would like me to pay for them. Is this the norm? They are £150 by the way!

OP posts:
FourFortyFour · 24/03/2011 20:03

Seems she wants the kudos of expensive belts and shoes.

Bumperlicioso · 24/03/2011 20:07

God, weddings make people crazy! If she's this bad about the wedding just imagine the comedy value what she is going to be like when she has her PFB!

SauvignonBlanche · 24/03/2011 20:10

Hold your ground!

TinaSpoon · 24/03/2011 20:12

YADNBU. If she wants to buy you a pair of £150 pair of shoes then that's up to her, To turn round and tell you that's what you're wearing, and by the way you're paying for it, is well out of order! There's no way I'd pay £150 on a pair of shoes, the most I've ever paid is £30 so £150 not a chance! Bloody cheeky if you ask me.

StayFrosty · 24/03/2011 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZillionChocolate · 24/03/2011 20:14

Promise that you won't do any gymnastic gyrating so that your shoes touch your belt and people can see that they're not exactly the same colour.

donkeybotherer · 24/03/2011 20:29

How rude! Stand firm. £150 or £50 is a lot of money to spend on shoes that are going to give you blisters and never be worn again. And matchy matchy is so very naff.

If she pays still take your own shoes to the wedding to change in to after you've hobbled down the aisle.

That is if you haven't resigned your commision by then!

Lizzywishes · 24/03/2011 20:32

She's totally U. Say you'll buy the belt as you would get plenty of wear from it, but that you can't afford to put money towards shoes that are a similar colour to those you already own as they'd represent such poor value for money. Honestly,she's behaving as if she's the one doing you a favour letting you be bridesmaid!

DandyLioness · 24/03/2011 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/03/2011 12:31

so what happens if one bm wears the other shoes and another wear peeptoe?

they wont look the same Grin

dress tbh sounds horrible, and to wear satin you need to have a great figure or a damn good pair of pull you in knickers

suzikettles · 25/03/2011 12:36

I only had one bridesmaid and I did get her to buy her own shoes, but that was on the understanding that she could buy anything she liked, and if she already had a pair of shoes that she thought would do then she could wear them. My biggest concern was her being comfortable as she'd had a foot operation earlier in the year.

She was wearing a long dress (which I bought) so you couldn't see her shoes anyway. Iirc she wore a pair of black pumps in the end.

AKMD · 25/03/2011 13:28

I actually love both pairs of shoes Blush I still would not be paying for them.

As for the push-up bra and the Spanx, HAHAHA.

I am joining the 'bridesmaid who has to wear green satin dress' club too BTW.

Original poster
blue2711 · 25/03/2011 13:39

You are right, DandyLioness, plenty of comedy value in this wedding...

And yes, StayFrosty, there is a big expensive hen do (on Mothers' Day weekend) planned. I said that I, and lots of other women who are mums, wouldn't really want to go away that weekend, but was overruled...

And yes, the wedding list details were sent out with the invites. This subject has been done to death, I'm sure, but I really HATE wedding lists. How can they ever have become acceptable? Just about OK if not posted out and only available if someone asks for help in buying the present, but NOT OK when posted out to all guests.

I'll be trying on the peep-toes this weekend so will let you know how that goes. Also, bride has already paid for them, so presumably wants me to hand over cash for them which surely is going to feel really weird? 'Here is money for something you want, not me'. Have I mentioned that bride has a huge salary and I am a SAHM?

By the way, am starting to have panic attacks that she's going to find out about this thread. If anyone recognises her PLEASE PLEASE don't tell her!

Thanks again.

OP posts:
scotsgirl23 · 25/03/2011 13:42

Your dress sounds extremely, urm, unforgiving! I was at a wedding recently where all the Bridesmaids were in very very fitted purple satin - the smallest was, I'd guess, a 14, with the biggest probably an 18. I'm afraid it was a bit cruel!

TBH I still think the second shoes are plain and a bit frumpy and I'd refuse point blank to contribute. You like the belt and would wear it again so you're willing to buy it. You don't like the shoes and won't wear them again. Don't buy them!

Dozer · 25/03/2011 14:02

Don't give her any cash for the shoes! None at all. The ops have explained the principle, if she is choosing she is paying!

Classic bridezilla. Sorry you will have to be on the hen do on mother's day.

Am sympathetic, as had a friend who was a bit of a bridezilla. I had to wear a hideous lilac, strapless satin dress, which looked awful. Strapless is hard to carry off. I didn't get to see it or try it on, she just informed me she'd ordered me a size 12 (when I was a size 14): I wondered if I'd fit into it she said "but I thought you were on a diet".

anonacfr · 25/03/2011 14:14

I don't have an issue with wedding lists. They're very common where I come from.

However a hen weekend on mother's day is a pain in the arse. You should have said no quite frankly!
I hope your DC are not too disappointed that you won't be there.

Tough shit for her if all her mother friends don't show up. It's not like she's getting married in April is it? She could have planned it later.

ExitPursuedByALamb · 25/03/2011 14:16

DD was a bridesmaid for her cousin. They bought the dress and we bought the shoes. I gave them the dress back to sell on ebay. DD is being a bridesmaid again this year but the dress is being purchased over the internet. I know if I order I will feel reluctant to accept the money for it, but I feel they really should pay as she would not wear the dress again.

I think you should stand your ground on this and not pay anything. She can always have the shoes back and sell them on ebay.

I think mint and nude will go really well together. Are you very slim? The satin sounds very unforgiving.

basana · 25/03/2011 15:47

They are lovely shoes and as for the person who thought they are of questionable quality Hmm no. I have had that shoe in black and other patent and they are gorgeous quality, very comfortable and last well (they are my regular work shoes and I love them, and they rival a Jimmy Choo etc in quality of build and workmanship). In fact am fancying these for my Spring work wardrobe.

That said, if you can't afford them, and/or don't want them, YANBU, she should be paying. She should pay or allow you to buy a cheaper copy. Some brides, honestly...

Original poster
blue2711 · 25/03/2011 16:03

Dozer, your bride sounds much worse than mine! How rude!

Fortunately, I am really quite skinny so can just about cope with the satin... Not sure about green though. Do you think spray tan is in order?

Good to hear that the shoes are comfortable and good quality. I have fingers and toes crossed that I like them and there will be no more bridezilla-ing after this.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 25/03/2011 16:09

she has already bougth the peep toe ones? If you don't like the shoes, don't pay for them but it is going to be tricky to keep the friendship on an even keel, she's being really bloody minded about the shoes IMO, seems such a trifle to spend so much thought on if you have a whole wedding to organise.

Do you think she is miffed that your own shoes are not new and the issue is really that she wants you to wear brand new shoes to her wedding? It's silly the belt doesn't need to be exactly the same as the shoes. You are not bendingyourself into weird contortions so the belt and shoes are reaonably far apart on a normal body. If they match reasonably well, it is enough

ZZZenAgain · 25/03/2011 16:11

if you have spray tan on. she'll need to determine the exact brand, shade etc

timetosmile · 25/03/2011 16:14

Can you invent some weird and exotic, rare fungal foot disease which requires you to go barefooted to the wedding? (possibly brought on by your lowered immune status due to overwhelming bridesmaid stress?)

You could slather the insides of your normal shoes with baby talc, or sudocreme between your toes as 'evidence'.....

CelebratedMonkey · 25/03/2011 16:19

I would try to find a way to say that you've heard that brides pay if they're choosing the item. Can't believe how bridezilla she is being - we will want updates! :)

ZZZenAgain · 25/03/2011 16:21

is the other bridesmaid - the SIL a mum? If so, she might well know this thread....

libelulle · 25/03/2011 16:43

Wow. I wouldn't spend 150 quid on a pair of shoes that I loved to death and was going to wear every day to the end of time. I'm not on the breadline but I could never justify that kind of money on shoes. For a pair I was going to wear once and didn't like anyway? My head is spinning. I wouldn't even have got to the agonising about what to say stage as I'd have assumed the bride was joking:)

I didn't even have bridesmaids at my wedding, let alone colour-coded ones. Though I did get my friends slaving away for days beforehand doing cooking and blowing up 10 zillion helium balloons. They tell me they enjoyed it Blush

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