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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to pay for my bridesmaid shoes?

268 replies

blue2711 · 22/03/2011 09:13

Title says it all really. I am being bridesmaid for my friend and she has chosen a pair of very expensive shoes (which I don't need or particularly want myself) and she would like me to pay for them. Is this the norm? They are £150 by the way!

OP posts:
amidaiwish · 24/03/2011 12:19

no probs

the more i think about it the more i think you should say "i am happy to buy the belt but I can't justify the price of the shoes as i have an identical pair already, why don't I try them on with the dress for you to see?"

that way you aren't "refusing" to buy anything.... just having some sense. and you get to keep the belt.

notwavingjustironing · 24/03/2011 12:23

Do not pay for the shoes.
Wear your own - they are just as nice.

Surely she should be hoping that everyone will be looking at her, not playing "compare and contrast" between you and the other bridesmaid.

And I'm talking as a compulsive shoe buyer!

If it makes you feel better, tell her you can't afford buy them till the week before the wedding, then wear your own anyway and take them back (unworn) on the Monday.

CaveMum · 24/03/2011 12:27

Buy your own similar but cheaper shoes. Remind the bride that no one goes to a wedding to stare at the bridesmaids' feet - unless of course they're into that kind of thing Hmm Wink

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/03/2011 13:16

bride wants you to wear them she pays,but shes silly to spend so much on a pair of shoes that may not be worn again, esp as you have a pair same colour

tbh the bride should be paying for dress/shoes etc anyway

i paid for the dress for my bridesmaid, let her choose the style as long as was red, same with shoes

she kept both, dress never been worn since Grin but she loves the shoes and wears with jeans on a night out

any link for the green satin dress Grin

DitaVonCheese · 24/03/2011 14:02

I also want to see the dress!

DandyLioness · 24/03/2011 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
blue2711 · 24/03/2011 19:21

Can't put up pic of the dress, sadly. It's been made by a dressmaker and was designed by the bride (!). I shall describe it though, and you can picture it in your mind and tell me what you think...

Tight, very. Pencil skirt, to the knee. Fabric is satin with no stretch, so not very forgiving. It's a 'breathe in' dress. The top has an off-the-shoulder turned down flap....don't know how else to describe that really. It is waisted so the belt will make a difference to making it look finished off - not tried it on yet.

The green is light-ish, I think you would call it mint.

My latest rebellious thought is to have a manicure with black polish the day before... not been given instructions about nails yet!!

Still no word from bride, by the way..

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 24/03/2011 19:37

Funky. Not sure about nude and mint together...

Have you had diet instructions too?!

Original poster
blue2711 · 24/03/2011 19:41

No diet instructions, although other bridesmaid has had spanx pants recommended to her and I've been told to wear a padded bra!

Just spoke to bride! Now she has found LK Bennett shoes in sale for a mere £95.. Still nude patent but with a peep toe. She has asked me to pay £45 towards them and not pay for the belt but to return it to her.

We are meeting up this weekend for a final decision!

OP posts:
Needanewname · 24/03/2011 19:45

I would still say no, if the shoes are that important, then she can buy them. I suppose it depends on whether she is a good friend really. I would also offer to pay for the belt (so you can keep it) but not the shoes, she is always welcome to put them on ebay after.

Why should you pay for something that you will not wear ever again - mad I tell you mad!

NinkyNonker · 24/03/2011 19:46

Well, if she isn't that hung up on the first shoes you can use yours surely?!

Original poster
blue2711 · 24/03/2011 19:50

Ah but it is apparently the exact colour of nude patent that she is hung up on -so that it EXACTLY matches the LK Bennett belt. Because obviously that is what everyone will notice.

I said to her that I would rather pay for the belt so that I could keep it but she didn't go for that.

Perhaps will try and get through to her again when we are face to face.

OP posts:
Needanewname · 24/03/2011 19:51

Stand your ground, be firm, remember mumsnet is behind you all the way Grin

MaryThornbar · 24/03/2011 19:51

Why is she so intent on YOU paying?? I would just say you don't need another pair of nude patent shoes. I have a feeling you're going to end up paying though...!

Babieseverywhere · 24/03/2011 19:51

What about all of you meeting at the shoe shop with the sale and a sample of the dress fabric. You can take your NL shoes, the other bridesmaid can take the posh shoes and compare them to the sale pair.

At least that way the bride can see how similar your shoes are, might help change her mind.

ThatVikRinA22 · 24/03/2011 19:51

dont do it - i ended up paying for my own bridesmaid dress and i resented it so much i think it has affected our friendship. i didnt want to be a bloody bridesmaid in the first place, the dress was sodding awful and i ended up out of pocket to boot, and then it went to a charity shop because it was so awful and just looking at it got me angry!

dont do it. yanbu. i wish i had just said no.

SugarPasteFrog · 24/03/2011 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SugarPasteFrog · 24/03/2011 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DitaVonCheese · 24/03/2011 19:52

I have been struggling to think of a green that would go well with nude and failing. Not convinced by mint. Dresses sound quite cool, very Mad Men :) but not very forgiving as you say.

Original poster
blue2711 · 24/03/2011 19:53

Me too, Mary... I feel like I've cocked it up by not being firm enough from the word go.

Off to try to find pic of the new LK Bennett shoes I have to pay for without even seeing them, let alone choosing them...

OP posts:
Tidey · 24/03/2011 19:53

Ew. Nude and mint seem a weird combination, but then I do have quite bad taste and would never in a zillion years make someone wear taupe or patent leather anyway. I think you'd be mad to pay for something you don't want under someone else's instructions.

MaryThornbar · 24/03/2011 19:54

For me, I wouldn't mind paying £50 for shoes, if they were ones that I actually wanted and would wear again - but for another pair of practically identical shoes - no way!

Why would you want to pay anything at all for another pair of exactly the same shoes!

JulesJules · 24/03/2011 19:55

Exactly, Ninky

I thought the whole point was she wanted you to have those particular shoes, so the bridesmaidly feet were all exactly the same Grin

If she's now suggesting another pair, then why OH WHY on earth can you not wear the ones you already have??

She is BONKERS.

I still wouldn't pay for them. Wear yours, or she pays. And get your nails done black.

DitaVonCheese · 24/03/2011 19:55

Here you go - nicer but still not £95 of nice Hmm

anonacfr · 24/03/2011 20:01

I'm sorry but the peep toes are horrible!

The cheek of her- she wants to pay for the belt because she wants to keep it for herself but she wants you to pay for shoes you don't want and won't wear again.
Nice friend you got there. She should pay for the outfit and give you the belt as a thank you for being my BM present actually.

That's what a friend of mine did. Her BMs helped her a lot with the organising/picking up menus/chores etc and a couple of nights before the wedding she took them all out for a meal (which she paid for) and presented them all with cute little clutch bags.