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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry 16yr old step --slut-- daughter is pg when i cant?

339 replies

monstersplatter · 22/03/2011 09:00

Pretty sure I am being unreasonable, but desperately need to vent. My dp is 15 years my senior and had two children (teens....ack) from a previous marriage. We have 1 ds who has just turned 2 and are trying for our second. Have been trying for about 6 months so far. I feel like my life is on hold. There is nothing I want more than to be pregnant again.
Oops, sidetracked. Sorry. So a few weeks ago, his 16 yr old daughter announces she is due at the end of effing August. To a boy she had been dating for a month prior to conception.
She is still smoking, planning on getting herself a nice little council house and lots of juicy benefits, just like her mother. She is not sad or ashamed about any of this.
But now any children I have will be younger than their niece/nephew. I am furious. I don't want to be a Jeremy Kyle statistic. I would rather she wasn't either. I don't want her in my house anymore. I know so much of this is jealousy, she is and I seem currently unable. She has that which I so desperately want.
What would you all do? Should I just get over myself? What would you lot all do?

OP posts:
hairylights · 22/03/2011 20:32

Yabu and venemous. Foul.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 22/03/2011 20:35

It took me a year with DC4 and I was 40. I didnt consider that I was in anyway having trouble ttc!

Its all an excuse to be vile about a child who needs support and care. Teenagers are horrible, even the lovely, well bought up ones. Dealing with that is part of being a parent. Not just about the babies and toddlers.

I hope you have learnt this by the time your DC gets to you SD's age.

FattyArbuckel · 22/03/2011 20:36

"step slut" is just unforgivable language to use. What are you thinking of?

LeninGrad · 22/03/2011 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2011 20:39

'How come you got together with a man with that sort of family though? Is he your sort of class? '

I thought the same, Xenia. When I was single and childfree, I ran a mile in the other direction from men who had children already (and wouldn't have been attracted to a guy who was so much older than I was, either).

I didn't know anyone on benefits at the time, either. Or even, really, what they were.

Or know people who would engage in confrontations like coming to one's house and shouting or going ghetto like that.

Hmmm.

It sounds like it was Jeremy Kyle from the get-go to begin with.

BestNameEver · 22/03/2011 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Richlinn · 22/03/2011 20:47

OP - Has anyone talked to your step-daughter about a termination? Probably an option to consider?

cauliflowersfluffy · 22/03/2011 21:00

I agree with everything thefirstMrsDevere said well done you are so right some people would love nothing more than to have one DC let alone one DS and SC to love and be a mother/stepmother too she should be excited for her SD and the fact that she is gowing to be a Grandmother and her DH a Grandfather no need for jelousy or bitterness I'm so sorry about your loss MrsDevere and please dont let nasty negative bitches like this woman get to you she really isn't worth it x

thefirstMrsDeVere · 22/03/2011 21:09

Thank you cauli Smile

I agree with bestname get the thread pulled, change your name and start again.

If you are not the horrible person this thread makes you seem you can start again. Perhaps you have just made a very bad error of judgement.

You really, really need to grow up though. You are no longer the centre of the universe.

Dramaqueenintraining · 22/03/2011 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Dramaqueenintraining · 22/03/2011 21:14

princess

ledkr · 22/03/2011 21:15

abso fucking lutely

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 22/03/2011 21:17

How many of you have actually read the thread? She said this afternoon her use of language was inappropriate.

Pitchfork, anyone?

thefirstMrsDeVere · 22/03/2011 21:22

Yes I have.

She has admitted her language was inappropriate.

Her attitude is still very worrying.

I would have some sympathy if she had been ttc for years, had no children, had no idea if she ever would have children.

She has a child and has been ttc for 6 mths.

I have LOADS of sympathy for people dealing with difficult teenagers. I have one who is testing me to the limit atm.

The thread is what it is though and its horrible.

The OP has the opportunity to wipe it from existence and start again on MNs, if I were her I would take it.

Ormirian · 22/03/2011 21:28

Pitchforks my arse! not literally!

OP has been called on her attitude not her language.

googoomama · 22/03/2011 21:30

Your life shouldn't be on hold. You have a lovely little one already. And your attitude towards your step daughter - however she is behaving - is very sad, for her, for you and for your dp. Her life is not going to be easy. And I'm sure your attitude towards her makes your dp very upset. And if he thinks the same way, then I feel very sorry for her. Please try and act like an adult.

cumfy · 22/03/2011 21:36

Yes of course we must have the thread deleted Hmm.

pitchforksdown · 22/03/2011 21:36

Listen Up Folks!

The op hid the thread back around lunchtime so anything you've written since is for your own benefit.

She did come back and apologise for what she had written. It was ranting at its worst and she realised that it was down to her disappointment at having problems conceiving herself and having the news about her SDs pregnancy dropped on her in the way it was.

In short, she's HUMAN and fucked up.

FWIW, she's since talked to her DP and her SD and they are working together to sort out what happens next. That is what happens in real life. You lose it and say the wrong thing at the wrong time, but at least it wasn't to her family.

So pitchforks down now. You can go away satisfied that you are a better person if you want to, but life is never that black and white is it and what is written on here, doesn't necessarily mean that the poster is irredeemably nasty as I'm sure any mistakes anyone else have made colour their whole personality.

bristolcities · 22/03/2011 21:37

I'm sorry but every single sentiment in the OP is discusing and totally inappropriate. I could rant but so Biscuit or better still Wine and calm down and stop being so vile and bitter.

pitchforksdown · 22/03/2011 21:37

Sorry - should have said "As I'm sure any mistakes that anyone else has made don't colour their whole personality."

expatinscotland · 22/03/2011 21:37
Hmm
thumbwitch · 22/03/2011 21:39

Pitchforksdown - I would still consider mentioning to the OP that she should get the thread deleted. :)

cauliflowersfluffy · 22/03/2011 21:41

I ve read the whole thread too and have been following it from the start, I'm aware that she appoligised for her language and said she shouldn't have said some things but then she tried to justify her attitude towards her SDD which is dispicable and then in another post she said her DP saw the OP and just laughed at it, what kind of Father laughs at his DP or DW calling his DD a slut it's vile and inexusable isn't it?.

pitchforksdown · 22/03/2011 21:43

I'm not the OP thumbwitch - you can check with MN if you want.

pitchforksdown · 22/03/2011 21:44

Her DP laughed at her making an utter tit out of herself on line, not that she had called his DD a slut.

Reading one thread from start to end doesn't mean you have a full insight onto a posters life. If it does, I'm fucked with some of the threads I've started in my time Grin

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