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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry 16yr old step --slut-- daughter is pg when i cant?

339 replies

monstersplatter · 22/03/2011 09:00

Pretty sure I am being unreasonable, but desperately need to vent. My dp is 15 years my senior and had two children (teens....ack) from a previous marriage. We have 1 ds who has just turned 2 and are trying for our second. Have been trying for about 6 months so far. I feel like my life is on hold. There is nothing I want more than to be pregnant again.
Oops, sidetracked. Sorry. So a few weeks ago, his 16 yr old daughter announces she is due at the end of effing August. To a boy she had been dating for a month prior to conception.
She is still smoking, planning on getting herself a nice little council house and lots of juicy benefits, just like her mother. She is not sad or ashamed about any of this.
But now any children I have will be younger than their niece/nephew. I am furious. I don't want to be a Jeremy Kyle statistic. I would rather she wasn't either. I don't want her in my house anymore. I know so much of this is jealousy, she is and I seem currently unable. She has that which I so desperately want.
What would you all do? Should I just get over myself? What would you lot all do?

OP posts:
houseworkwhore · 22/03/2011 14:57

OP.

How would you react if your DS came home at 16 and said he had got a girl pregnant?

I hope for his sake not the way you have reacted to this poor girl!

she is obviously troubled and struggling with life.

I hope to christ she never finds out what you really think of her. poor girl

U should be seriously ashamed of yourself

itisnotgoingwelltoday · 22/03/2011 15:06

This is one of the most horrible threads I've ever read

Op you are thoroughly unpleasant and your dp is thoroughly unpleasant.

For a man to laugh when his daughter is called a slut is inexcusable

I hope to god your next child is not a girl.

Your step daughter deserves much much better than you. MD or not you are behaving appallingly.

SomethingProfound · 22/03/2011 15:08

OP Yes poor, inappropriate and mean words in your op, however kudos for admitting that not always easy to admit when you are wrong especially in such a public manner. We all need to rant sometimes and this is probably the best place to do it.

Its natural to be upset with your SD for getting PG at such a young age. If mine did I would be livid however she is 4 so got a while before that may happen. Especially as your ttc while perhaps it's not rational but then again emotions often aren't.

All you can do now if offer her support in an emotional and practical manner however I personally would be very hesitant to support her financially as she needs to learn how to do that for herself.

Give her some time to calm down and invite her over and talk to her about her action plan and help her put one together, if her mums is as bad as you say she is going to need you more than ever.

Good Luck

thinNigella · 22/03/2011 15:21

Monster,

I agree 16 is not the ideal age. I agree it's perhaps not the ideal circumstance. I do however think you are jealous and this is clouding your judgement. This is extremely unfair.

From her perspective she needs help and support. She will be scared and worried - remeber what that's like? The fear of the pain of birth? The awesome responsibility? Make it clear you will support and help. You never know, hers and yours could be friends. And I'd sugget you get yourself an ovulation kit, time it right and the jealousy will solve itself [smile}

fit2drop · 22/03/2011 15:35

MONSTER

In you op you asked what yoou shoudl do:

Get used to being a grandma Grin

fit2drop · 22/03/2011 15:36

ooops lotsa typos sorry Blush

cauliflowersfluffy · 22/03/2011 16:09

I dont think you liked your SD anyway and this has just given you the amunition you need to slag her off on here I think you should be looking to help her rather than being so bloody negative about her so what she's had unautharised abscences and poor exam results as you can probably tell by my grammer I never stuck in at school either and although I was in my early 20s when I fell pregnant doesnt mean I'm a bad person or Mum infact I m a good Mum and try to make sure my DC learn from my mistakes and if they dont they will make them too then learn from them chances are your SDD will have this Baby and then relise she wants better for child and maybe she'll go to college or she'll get a job your being very narrow minded rather than supporting her have you never made a mistake ?

LaWeasel · 22/03/2011 16:17

Why did you say she was living with her mum and that you don't know where she is living.

Nothing you have said has made you sound like a nice person. Have fun being a granny.

fit2drop · 22/03/2011 17:19

Have fun being a granny

[smiles knowingly at LaWeasel, I hear your tone Grin

auntpolly · 22/03/2011 17:37

Slut?? What ever happened to sisterhood....?

This is vile. OP I hope you can understand why people find your opinion of SD so horrifying. She is young, I made some pretty fucking stupid mistakes at 16. I was a proper sod at times, my parents (including step parents) told me I was being a sod, but they were always on my side. You are a parent to SD, act like one.

HalfTermHero · 22/03/2011 17:43

OP, you have real problems! What a rotten attitude, you totally need to get over yourself cos life ain't the Monstersplatter show.

ledkr · 22/03/2011 17:49

You cant get pg and you call a your step daughter a slut?that sounds like karma to me love.
Poor thing probably got pregnant as she is so troubled form her father being married to such a vile person.

GORGEOUSX · 22/03/2011 17:52

Yes, YABU.Hmm

Newjobthankgod · 22/03/2011 18:50

Um. The stepdaughter is still a slut regardless of whether or not the OP can get pregnant.

GORGEOUSX · 22/03/2011 18:55

Anybody who calls a 16-year old CHILD a slut, should be ashamed of themselves, IMO.

electra · 22/03/2011 19:02

Yes, get over yourself.

Poor girl, having a step-mum like you Angry

Now all of you who think it's ok to call any woman a slut, give yourselves a pat on the back for colluding in nasty misogyny.

LisaD1 · 22/03/2011 19:03

Well, can anyone really be surprised that a 16 year old CHILD looks for love and affection in the shape of a boy when her stepmother is as vile as the OP?

I hope she is a better mother to her child than you are stepmother to her.

Newjobthankgod · 22/03/2011 19:06

The boyfriend is a slut too.

Newjobthankgod · 22/03/2011 19:23

and by that I mean the lad who impregnated the 16 year old. Total piece of crap manwhore.

electra · 22/03/2011 20:18

Newjob - the fact you judge people for wanting to have sex (which we all do) says more about you than people you've never met.

toosoft · 22/03/2011 20:26

Well said Ladyboak.

Newjobthankgod · 22/03/2011 20:27

I am sorry but anyone even remotely evolved and intelligent should be able to control themselves better and not get pregnant at 16.

Xenia · 22/03/2011 20:27

How come you got together with a man with that sort of family though? Is he your sort of class?

Young mothers can be very good mothers, sometimes better than older ones and 16 is old enough to marry and to have babies. Perhaps think about how you can help your step daughter rather than feeling jealous. She might even get some practice by babysitting your child whilst you and your other half go out and relax more. That alone might help you conceive.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 22/03/2011 20:28

All I can add is that you are indeed horrible and bitter and should be ashamed of yourself.

You have a DC and you have only being ttc for 6 mths and you think that makes you some sort of victim?

Get the fuck over yourself and when you are there get over yourself a bit fucking more.

I WISH my DD was here to get pregnant, I WISH she made it to 16.

Lot of stupid fuckers on MN at the moment IMhumbleO.

tholeon · 22/03/2011 20:30

haven't read whole thread, but 6 months is not very long. Probably averages around 8 months, depending on your age. And you already have a child. I have one from ivf and may or may not manage another, but I'll always be so grateful for the one I have. There are so many who try so very hard and yet have none, and/ or go through early and late losses. Count your blessings and try not to be get so bitter it affects your family relationships so much.