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Original poster

to be angry 16yr old step --slut-- daughter is pg when i cant?

339 replies

monstersplatter · 22/03/2011 09:00

Pretty sure I am being unreasonable, but desperately need to vent. My dp is 15 years my senior and had two children (teens....ack) from a previous marriage. We have 1 ds who has just turned 2 and are trying for our second. Have been trying for about 6 months so far. I feel like my life is on hold. There is nothing I want more than to be pregnant again.
Oops, sidetracked. Sorry. So a few weeks ago, his 16 yr old daughter announces she is due at the end of effing August. To a boy she had been dating for a month prior to conception.
She is still smoking, planning on getting herself a nice little council house and lots of juicy benefits, just like her mother. She is not sad or ashamed about any of this.
But now any children I have will be younger than their niece/nephew. I am furious. I don't want to be a Jeremy Kyle statistic. I would rather she wasn't either. I don't want her in my house anymore. I know so much of this is jealousy, she is and I seem currently unable. She has that which I so desperately want.
What would you all do? Should I just get over myself? What would you lot all do?

OP posts:
GertieWooster · 22/03/2011 13:13

Monster you've taken the kicking on the chin and come back to a thread that was not going well for you, which is more than a lot do. I wouldn't believe that she is not interested in any emotional support. You could, given that the girl (by your account) doesn't have a very good role model for a mother, end up as the person your step daughter can turn to for help (and she will need help). But if she is only after money/things, does she feel that her father owes her?

There are plenty of insecure, scared and vulnerable teenagers who put on a bolshy, vile and obnoxious front, but they are still insecure, scared and vulnerable.

You wanted advice, if I was you I think I would send her a text saying sorry for how the conversation went (that's not necessarily you taking the blame - unless you need to - just that your sorry the meeting didn't go well) and that it would be lovely to get together to pick some nice things for her baby. In time to come she will really remember those who were supportive and kind.

LiquidPeppermint · 22/03/2011 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
monstersplatter · 22/03/2011 13:20

Mmsmum, how do you propose I do that since she won't talk to us unless she wants something?

He laughed at the end because he knows I didn't mean it, well, maybe a little. But anyone who openly sleeps around as much as her (she is loud and proud about it) can hardly be called chaste.

Were she not my step daughter (she has always said she is nothing to do with me, wants nothing from me), would I have had this pasting?

She came to me because dp and I keep our finances separate. It's not his account she wants. At least she had the decency to make demands of me to my face.

OP posts:
MillyR · 22/03/2011 13:21

MS, I can only go off the information you have put up on MN, where you describe yourself as a housewife. I couldn't be expected to know that isn't actually true and in fact you are the managing director of a company. So I fail to see how me taking you at your word is a grandiose assumption.

thumbwitch · 22/03/2011 13:22

Yes, you probably would still have got the pasting because of your immoderate language in your rant. If it had been your own DD you'd have probably got just as bad.

If she wants nothing from you though, why come and ask you for stuff, after 2 years of nothing? And why does she want nothing from her Dad?

MaisyMooCow · 22/03/2011 13:25

I would just like to add that I am really proud of the 16 year old 'slut' for choosing to go through with the pregnancy and all that comes with it. She could quite easily have chosen to abort it.
Perhaps she thinks it's an easy ride (council house, benefits etc) but that's for her to find out when she's well and truly living in that situation for real. It's up to you, your partner and her mum to help her out right now.
I understand how low you may feel as you're also trying for a baby but please don't take it out on her. I'm sure your time will come again.

StewieGriffinsMom · 22/03/2011 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
monstersplatter · 22/03/2011 13:25

My word is as you say, I am a sahm. But, anyone in their right mind has savings set aside for unpleasant futures that may or not be. I also have a degree and a company. I chose to omit these as randomly dropping them into convos makes me look like a twat. I clearly don't need any help in that department. You made assumptions that I would be in the same boat as my SD were dp and I to split simply because I am a sahm.

OP posts:
cuteboots · 22/03/2011 13:32

seriously your comments are not good and youre thinking of having another child ! Hmmmm. I do understand your anger as I went through fertility treatment but venting your anger on other people isnt the way forward!!

MillyR · 22/03/2011 13:34

Like you, I had a child at 25, was a SAHM for a while and had a degree first. I think it is a fair assumption that most people in that position will only have had 3 and a half years in full time employment and are unlikely to support themselves as a SAHM.

I don't think it is a case of dropping it into conversation - your profile says you are a SAHM, when in fact you are the director of a company, which must take up some of your time if you have enough money to support yourself and two children.

If you are indeed a SAHM who can support themselves entirely from a company they set up but do no work for, then we should all be extremely envious of you, but I also think that given your blessed financial situation you might find it in your heart to help your SD.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2011 13:39

She's a kid, that's why she's acting like this. Isn't that obvious to, well, people who are supposed to be adults?

expatinscotland · 22/03/2011 13:41

'I chose to omit these as randomly dropping them into convos makes me look like a twat.'

You don't need to do anything but type words on a screen to look like that.

mmsmum · 22/03/2011 13:41

Monster you don't need her to talk to you, you're the adult, you invite her round for a family meal and you be nice to her. So what if she doesn't talk to you back, by the sounds of it it is going to take time.

reelingintheyears · 22/03/2011 13:43

'I am nice to her face'.......

But nasty behind her back?

Oh and you 'agreed to the SC when you got with DP'?

How very gracious.

Bogeyface · 22/03/2011 13:46

Milly, I am sympathetic to the OP and I got pg with my eldest 16! There is no way i did or would have behaved the way the SD is behaving. Its precisely because I was a young mother that I am sympathetic, I wouldnt have expected any help if I had told my parents or step parents that I expected them to stump up for my child and then told them to fuck themselves if they refused!

expatinscotland · 22/03/2011 13:48

I'm sympathetic to sharks and scorpions, too. They're only doing what sharks and scorpions do.

This OP sounds about a mature as the 16-year-old, and mean-spirited, jealous, bitter and vindictive into the bargain.

Mummy2Bookie · 22/03/2011 13:50

I would be a friend to her and be there to support her. You might find that she is actually a nice girl.

reelingintheyears · 22/03/2011 13:52

If my DD had become pregnant at 16 i would not have been too happy but we'd have all pulled together and helped in any way we could....including buying anything she/they needed.

And especially emotionally.
She's still a child herself and even if she's being rude try thinking it's maybe because she's shit scared of the future.

I would also have wanted her to continue her education and would have done anything to encourage it.

Including giving child care where i could.

It what parents do.

Bogeyface · 22/03/2011 13:54

Whereas you sound caring, sharing and all round super Expat!
Hmm

expatinscotland · 22/03/2011 13:56

I don't start OPs calling teenage girls sluts for getting pregnant and then expect a good response, Bogey, so yeah, right there, I feel pretty super. Thanks for that! :)

dittany · 22/03/2011 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

byrel · 22/03/2011 14:14

OP you're not obliged to help your SD and if she is going to behave in the way she has towards you thus far then I wouldn't. The fact is both she and the childs father have been highly irresponsible and they now need to deal with the consequences of their actions. They are bringing another life into the world and it is their responsibility that it is provided for and whilst you and others may choose to help her she shouldn't be relying on others.

Vallhala · 22/03/2011 14:20

Perhaps my feeling that the girl's father had, along with the OP, all but forgotten her is pretty much spot on.

What other kind of father would laugh when another adult referred to his child as a "slut"? Hmm

It strikes me that there may be far more to the estrangement between father and daughter than we are being told - I wonder what the daughter's version of their separation is?

I didn't warm to the OP upon first reading and I feel no more kindly disposed towards her now. She and her husband sound well matched and I still feel very sorry for the 16 yo.

StewieGriffinsMom · 22/03/2011 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clitorisorclitoraint · 22/03/2011 14:42

Shock at this thread. Agree 100% with SGM. Am very Sad for the young girl.