3 weeks in bed with morning sickness - fair enough or milking it?

[redstripeyelephant]

My friend is 10 weeks pregnant and having morning sickness, as you do! It sounds pretty normal - feels nauseous most of the day, throws up every now and then (not every day). She has been either off work sick or working from home for the last 3 weeks. I'm a SAHM and have tried popping round or inviting her over or to the park with me and DD (we live 5 mins away) but it's no good, she wants to stay in bed. Fair enough, I thought.

DH went to the pub with her DH last night and came back saying her DH is 'sick of it', thinks she is 'milking it' and wants me to talk to her and convince her she is 'not ill, just pregnant'!

He says she literally does not get out of bed, just lies there watching tv and waiting for him to bring her food. They recently bought a new house that needs lots of work and he is doing everything on his own. My DH went round there the other day to help with some DIY and said she just shouted hello from the bedroom. When he made some sarky comment about getting out of bed she said 'I am actually on medication you know' (antibiotics for a uti).

My feeling is I'm keeping well out of it! Plus, I do sympathise with her, it does feel shit. But most people do get on with it and don't stay in bed all day, but then different people cope with things differently, right? I threw up pretty much every day with DD2, and had to go to work and look after a toddler. But then I guess you have a better threshold for getting on with things when you're already a mum.

I thought I'd throw it open to the MN jury - is it normal to be so absolutely flattened by morning sickness that you literally can't get out of bed? (We're not talking hyperemesis by the way - she can keep food down, and has been to the doctor several times who says it'a just morning sickness).

?

I think it's really very different for different people and on different pregnancies.

Last pregnancy, I was sick morning noon and night for 22 weeks (and still sick for the rest of it, though it died down a bit) and I schlepped my sorry arse into work like the good girl martyr I was day in and day out. I felt wrecked all the time I was home and sat on the sofa in a state of utter zombification but I was "okay" like the living dead but still apparently breathing in work in between bouts of puking my guts out. I had great fun with my daily 1.5 hour commute, ah the conductors loved to see me coming after I threw up unceremoniously all over the carriage.

This pregnancy I have only been sick once and I feel so much worse. In part, this is because of some complications but truthfully I feel utterly, utterly spent and incapable of thought. I feel DREADFUL. And yet theoretically I should feel much better as I am able to eat and I am not throwing up? Why? It makes no sense to me, but it is absolutely the case. I have taken off about four days so far (nearly 13 weeks) and that was just because I really felt that getting on the bus might kill me. Strange, but true.

For all the pregnant ladies out there reading this post : don't listen to anybody apart from your body . If you feel unwell , rest and ask for support. Don't try to be a heroine, put yourself first. If people like this judge you, don't listen. Just talk to your gp, every pregnancy is different.

Blimey, well the pregnant ladies reading the post then will be preparing to celebrate their child's fourth birthdays!

To answer the OP - fair enough. I want to die when pregnant. I'm not exaggerating.

Wow, Zomie Thread Alert.

I was reading the thread and one of the posts sounded kind of familiar and then I realised it was me posting under an earlier name change.

I find it astonishing how little empathy people can have? Oh I coped with childbirth so why do you need pain relief? Oh I coped with morning sickness so why do you need to stay in bed?

Answer: we are all DIFFERENT! We experience things differently. We have different bodies, different pain thresholds, different experiences. Some women are not sick at all. Some are a bit sick. Some are a lot sick. Some are so sick they end up in hospital.

I felt sick until I started eating. I felt fine while I was eating. The second I stopped eating the sickness came over me again. I coped by chain-eating boiled sweets. Fortunately it only lasted a few weeks and then it became morning sickness in the literal sense of the word, get up, be sick, feel fine. Got to 14 weeks and was fine all the time.

Everyone is different but it sounds a bit dramatic. What will she do if she has another one? I had horrific morning sickness but I was looking my 8 month old niece at the time and I just got on with it!
Some people do act like they're the only woman to ever be pregnant lol

When I was pregnant with DD1, I had 2 weeks off work attached to 2 weeks holiday and spent most of that in bed. It was like being on a boat in the middle of a storm 24/7 for a month, I wasn't sick but felt absolutely horrendous, couldn't go near the kitchen and lost a stone. I had an hour commute into work on the train plus an hour back, and in that one month when I felt horrific I couldn't work on the computer for longer than 15 minutes before needing to lie down with my eyes closed for an hour in order to feel remotely better. In my case, I don't feel that I was milking it to have time off and stay in bed.

I know DH found it a struggle to see me so bad but he never complained, certainly would never have dreamt of insinuating I was pretending to be ill, did all the housework and cooked an entire Christmas dinner on his own for his family which I helped him with directions and timings with from the bedroom.

bloody hell, how is this thread still alive? Feeling like a right lemon posting now, grr

With ds I felt absolutely awful.. Dm was convinced I had a viral infection... It wasn't the being sick that bothered me it was the constant nauseousness and dizziness... Although I didn't know I was pregnant til he started loving at about 5 months... (Hit and miss periods since they started so wasn't too worried ) but after I knew why I felt so bab it didn't seem to bother me as much

*moving

My first pregnancy was horrendous. My first hospital admission for if rehydration was at 5+5 weeks. I was scanned to rule out multiples. I couldn't lift my head of the pillow to dry heave, I say dry heave as I couldn't even keep down sips of water. I have never felt so ill. HG is horrendous. I was admitted again at 10 weeks, 18 weeks and despite Cyclisine and later on Zofran the HG didn't resolve until I had da at 39 weeks.

I vomited 20+ times a day, the nausea was unrelenting. The constant mouth watering, despite being dehydrated, drooling into a kidney dish because I couldn't summon the energy to lift my head and spit into a tissue, the wetting yourself and not caring your husband has found you lying in a pool of your own urine. The overwhelming sense of smell. This is the reality of HG.

I was signed off work from the first admission and I didn't return until after my maternity leave ran out. My teeth are damaged, brushing my teeth makes me wretch, even now.

Have some empathy. Also f.y.i ginger burns when you puke it back up.

didn't see it was a zombie thread!

I am currently bed bound with horrific morning sickness and it’s making me furious reading all the ‘princess’ and ‘suck it up’ comments. I would do ANYTHING to be able to go about my normal life. I am missing the other children and feel guilty that I literally can’t do anything to help. So much for sisterhood!

@Bogeyface

But maybe just maybe, she is being a princess?

Her DH knows her best and if he thinks she is milking then maybe she is? Her work are pissed off, her DH is pissed off and she is lying in bed watching TV and being waited on demanding FOOD which she manages to keep down perfectly well. When I had MS I couldnt face food, and I cant imagine who hard it must be with Hyperemisis. She was well enough to defend herself by yelling down the stairs, when I was feeling bad I could barely have managed a croaked "fuck off" :o and as I say, I only had MS not hyperemesis.

I have to say that based on what the OP is saying, she has had some normal level MS that has come as a bit of a surprise to her so she has taken to her bed, and could well be milking it.

Either way, I would stay out of it.

This really. Many don't seem to have read the op, bit odd to be suffering so badly from MS yet shouting food requests down the stairs and not throwing it up. Plus op and her own husband know her better than us, we don't even know her name, yet everyone is saying now she's definitely not milking it and even give medical opinions that it still could be hyperemisis?

Wait til the baby is born, going to be full on preciousness and look at what my baby can do. You're in for the long haul with this one op, good luck.

Well, it's not just the nausea, it's the crushing fatigue you get in the first trimester too. I never had the option of staying in bed all day or I might have.

@Tomasina88

I am currently bed bound with horrific morning sickness and it’s making me furious reading all the ‘princess’ and ‘suck it up’ comments. I would do ANYTHING to be able to go about my normal life. I am missing the other children and feel guilty that I literally can’t do anything to help. So much for sisterhood!

If she's still in bed with morning sickness after all this time, she's definitely milking it.

I don't think you can comment. I was laid up in bed for a few weeks and even water I couldn't keep down. It was hell on earth and in my darkest moments especially when I was throwing up blood I was looking at termination places. In the end I went to the hospital and was given anti sickness injection. I think the worst thing was the nausea so perhaps she is sick not that much because she isn't taking in so much but I think unfair to comment my ex partner at the time told me to get on with it and told me lots of pregnant people are sick. But I found the right medication in the end and I was able to get on with it although sick every day. But until you are in her shoes I really don't think you can say how she is feeling.

Seeing as the kid will be 10 years old now, hopefully she got over the morning sickness.

Her husband sounds like a dickhead and you need to have a bit more female solidarity with her. What will he be like with a newborn if he's unsupportive now?

Who the hell would want to stay in bed for 3 weeks if they felt well? Might be enjoyable for a day or 2 but would be absolutely tedious, either stick up for your friend or say nothing.

Just realised how old this thread is. The child will be 10 now and the couple divorced 😆

With my second I had horrendous morning sickness. I never threw up once but was in so much physical pain and exhaustion from the nausea that I had to stay lying on the couch to watch my toddler. Could barely dress myself. It was like the worst food poisoning imaginable plus total exhaustion.

No one has the ability to say 'you're not ill, just pregnant.' They can FO.