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Original poster

3 weeks in bed with morning sickness - fair enough or milking it?

221 replies

redstripeyelephant · 21/03/2011 09:21

My friend is 10 weeks pregnant and having morning sickness, as you do! It sounds pretty normal - feels nauseous most of the day, throws up every now and then (not every day). She has been either off work sick or working from home for the last 3 weeks. I'm a SAHM and have tried popping round or inviting her over or to the park with me and DD (we live 5 mins away) but it's no good, she wants to stay in bed. Fair enough, I thought.

DH went to the pub with her DH last night and came back saying her DH is 'sick of it', thinks she is 'milking it' and wants me to talk to her and convince her she is 'not ill, just pregnant'!

He says she literally does not get out of bed, just lies there watching tv and waiting for him to bring her food. They recently bought a new house that needs lots of work and he is doing everything on his own. My DH went round there the other day to help with some DIY and said she just shouted hello from the bedroom. When he made some sarky comment about getting out of bed she said 'I am actually on medication you know' (antibiotics for a uti).

My feeling is I'm keeping well out of it! Plus, I do sympathise with her, it does feel shit. But most people do get on with it and don't stay in bed all day, but then different people cope with things differently, right? I threw up pretty much every day with DD2, and had to go to work and look after a toddler. But then I guess you have a better threshold for getting on with things when you're already a mum.

I thought I'd throw it open to the MN jury - is it normal to be so absolutely flattened by morning sickness that you literally can't get out of bed? (We're not talking hyperemesis by the way - she can keep food down, and has been to the doctor several times who says it'a just morning sickness).

?

OP posts:
iscream · 22/03/2011 07:49

Some people do not handle being nauseous well, me being one of them. You friends dh sounds very unsympathetic, your poor friend. He may well be over whelmed, but at least he isn't suffering pregnancy nausea and a urinary track infection! Hopefully her sickness will go away after another month. Her antibiotics probably are upsetting her stomach even more. Can she eat a yogurt to help with that?

At least she can keep food and drink down. I think she should follow her body's lead, and not push herself, if she is able to have that luxury.
You are a good friend, going around visiting her with magazines and making meals, she is lucky to have you and I am glad her mother is coming!

otchayaniye · 22/03/2011 08:36

Hard to say, but I was sick twice a day at least for 8 months with my first (she was born at 8 months). Never took a day off or any leave before her birth.

This one (20 weeks) sick once or twice a day and feel sick on and off all the time (have lost weight) Dizzy and trembly. Never taken any time off. Can't with a toddler very well take to my bed (although I want to)

But I don't have hyperemesis. I'm just sick more than the average.

But I have a fairly easy commute, a SAHD husband (well, he does two night shifts but is around all the time in the day) and a sedentary job (albet one which starts at 6.30am)

lostinwales · 22/03/2011 09:18

Ceaser ner back at you! Grin I vomited constantly and had constant nausea for nine months with DS3 so I know exactly how vile and debilitating it is (ooh and SPD for the last 10 weeks, it's amazing how you forget the grim bits). I was just showing another opinion, which is valid, at no point do I think it's reasonable! It is the opinion I was brought up with though, but I can generally keep it stuck in the back of my brain, it doesn't stop it being the way some people think.

nitnatnaboo · 22/03/2011 12:38

Good for you lostinwales Biscuit. First time on MN I have felt the need for the biscuit.

OP, your friend feels so ill that she feels she should stay in bed. Does she make a habit of this when not pregnant? Just as swine flu manifests itself on a scale from unpleasant-but-manageable to fatal in different people, so does nausea and vomiting in pregnancy. 7-10 weeks is the peak time for NVP and hyperemesis, so your friend is "cleverly" managing to "milk it" at exactly the right time. If she was ill in bed with something else, pneumonia perhaps, would you be concerned about her milking it? Why does pregnancy-related illness bring out the cynic in normally sympathetic people?

Why are you so sure that she does not have HG? Staying in bed is a good sign that she is really feeling this badly, as is having to have food prepared for her. Has she lost weight? If she cannot drink, recommend ice lollies. Whatever her GP says can be taken with a large pinch of salt. I have had 2 HG preganancies but with PG1 was repeatedly told by my Doctor that there was no treatment for "morning sickness", despite exhibiting the classic signs of HG. Your friend's DH is probably frustrated at not knowing what to do. The feeling of "she would do better if she tried harder/had a more positive attitude/sucked it up/it's all in her head is very common, even amongst caring partners and relatives. So, if you are genuinely concerned for your friend, suggest the Helpher website here

I have had 1 HG pg in the past and am in the middle of another. I've been hospitalised once and spent 2 months in bed and have been told not to go back to work for the rest of the pg. To think that my husband and friends thought I was milking it during this time would have been the icing on the cake at the worst time of my life.

If anyone out there is suffering, please feel free to pop in to the hyperemesis support thread in pregnancy, for a more supportive crowd of people.

LilQueenie · 22/03/2011 19:14

I was practically bedridden for 10 weeks, sickness, headaches and feeling faint. At most I could go out for fresh air for almost an hour before I felt like death. It wasnt hypermesis but I was given tablets to help combat it.

northerngirl41 · 22/03/2011 19:51

I wasn't meaning to trivialise proper medical conditions, but it sounds like she's managing to eat some things, the doctor isn't worried by it and her partner thinks she's milking it and it's not that bad.

Part of the feeling sick may also be from not eating regularly and not eating things which she can cope with - getting up and sorting herself out would really help with that, rather than relying on her partner to bring her food.

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 22/03/2011 19:54

I'm going to hide this thread now because idiotic posts like Northergirl's are making me too upset and angry.

NorfolkNChance · 22/03/2011 20:01

Martyr of the Month awards go to.... Wink

Seriously though I had hyperemesis for 9 months, I stopped being sick 12 hours before DD was born. I was eventually signed off and being sick played a major part in my nervous breakdown and AND.

Each woman is different, some can cope being sick at work, I couldn't. There was no one to watch my class while I ran down the corridor sick dripping through my fingers, I survived on ice pops and dicorlyte for the whole pregnancy, it left me a wreck.

In conclusion you are well out of it and best not judge everyone the same.

Original poster
redstripeyelephant · 22/03/2011 20:18

Wow, I really didn't think this thread would provoke such strong opinions! I was actually expecting lots of 'my arm dropped off when I was pregnant but I still carried on working' type posts!

A good friend of mine was hospitalised with hyperemesis and this is not what my friend has, even she says so. She is still eating and not throwing up more than once every couple of days. It wasn't meant to be a debate about hyperemesis. In my opinion she has a pretty bad dose of regular morning sickness and it has knocked her for six because she wasn't expecting it. That's not to say she doesn't feel shit, and I agree she has every right to stay in bed all day if she wants to! I was just trying to canvas opinions on whether it was a usual thing to be bedridden by a pretty normal case of morning sickness (which I think we can safely say it is after all these posts, so don't flame me!)

OP posts:
Original poster
redstripeyelephant · 22/03/2011 20:18

Wow, I really didn't think this thread would provoke such strong opinions! I was actually expecting lots of 'my arm dropped off when I was pregnant but I still carried on working' type posts!

A good friend of mine was hospitalised with hyperemesis and this is not what my friend has, even she says so. She is still eating and not throwing up more than once every couple of days. It wasn't meant to be a debate about hyperemesis. In my opinion she has a pretty bad dose of regular morning sickness and it has knocked her for six because she wasn't expecting it. That's not to say she doesn't feel shit, and I agree she has every right to stay in bed all day if she wants to! I was just trying to canvas opinions on whether it was a usual thing to be bedridden by a pretty normal case of morning sickness (which I think we can safely say it is after all these posts, so don't flame me!)

OP posts:
Original poster
redstripeyelephant · 22/03/2011 20:20

Sorry stupid blackberry double posting

OP posts:
Original poster
redstripeyelephant · 22/03/2011 20:20

Sorry stupid blackberry double posting

OP posts:
schmee · 22/03/2011 20:34

I absolutely had to sleep in the day for an hour for the first 18 weeks of this pregnancy. I have four year old twins so I would have given my right arm to be able to be out of bed and looking after them properly, but I couldn't. I never had the same problem when I was pregnant with them (although I did have a short nap when I got home from work).

If this pregnancy had been my first and I hadn't had my boys to look after, I would have damn well stayed in bed and let people look after me.

bemybebe · 22/03/2011 20:39

I was in bed sick with ms and feeling very drained and sleepy. I also had a miscarriage few months earlier (and several unsuccessful ivf attempts). I felt terrified of being too active (though I know perfectly well that early mmc is nature's way of coping with a genetic abnormality). I do not work and my dh was wonderful bringing everything up to the bedroom for me.

So what if she stays in bed all day, she will have her time running around. Let her be!

babyapplejack · 22/03/2011 20:42

redstripeyelephant - I think it has provoked such a reaction because it gives some of us flashbacks to how ill we were during pregnancy and also remembering the reactions of those around us.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 22/03/2011 21:11

babyapplejack has hit the nail on the head. The sickness flashbacks probably cloud my judgement on threads like this!

nancytean1 · 15/06/2011 16:45

Hey all,
i'm 7+3, had severe nausea and threw up after everything i ate or drank (even water) soooo not pretty!. burst out in tears when my DH made me some chips without any ketchup lol.
then burst into tears again after throwing it up ....what a bloody waste of food he says! i stayed in the bedroom for about 2 days after that (well bedroom and bathroom :) )
it's a bit better now i'm on anti-nausea meds, still need to sleep like 2-3 hours in the day as well

Clothilde · 15/06/2011 17:56

I had "normal" morning sickness, and I've never felt as ill in my life as I did for the first 4 months or so of eachpregnancy. I had norovirus a while ago, and DP was being all considerate and looking after me which was nice, but I was a bit annoyed because he counted that as being properly sick and requiring attention, but expected me to cook dinner and do household stuff when I had morning sickness which felt a hundred times worse.

LineRunner · 15/06/2011 18:50

Morning sickness is real and it's quite dreadful.

Have a heart.

Krate7 · 01/12/2011 00:27

For Morning sickness try morning well CD or Nevasic app for iphone. I couldn't believe it when it worked. 20 mins a day of listening to the music (well noises loosely disguised as music) and I have stopped throwing up so much that I was losing rather than gaining weight in pregnancy. Definitely worth a shot for anyone really suffering.

Moominsarescary · 01/12/2011 01:04

I've lost weight during all my pg, with ds3 I was so ill some days I couldn't lift my head up without vomiting, it was like sea sickness.

RubyCharlie · 01/12/2011 08:08

Hi, i suffered from Hyperemesis with both pregnancies (20+ a day, hospitalised, husband expected to find me dead every time he came home from work as I had so little ability to even move etc etc). I was just wondering whether anyone else still suffers 'mentally' from it now. 2 years on I feel like it turned my life upside down and I still don't feel like I have recovered. I lost a lot of family/friends who just could not understand that it wasn't just morning sickness and why I couldn't just 'get on with it'. I still feel traumatised and every day I find the upset at how other people treated me (particularly my husbands family)/lack of support (apart from my fab husband) take over my life. I know this sounds a little dramatic but I was wondering whether anyone else has felt the same, and what to do about it?
Also, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not tell someone with HG to try a ginger biscuit. It is one of the most upsetting things you can say as I can guarantee that anyone with Hg would be eating a ginger biscuit already if they were able to keep it down!

maras2 · 01/12/2011 08:21

This thread is 6 months old.

mummymccar · 01/12/2011 08:25

I was in bed for 10 weeks with mild hyperemesis at the beginning of my pregnancy. Your friend actually sounds a little like me at that stage - weeks 8-11 I was feeling very, very nauseous and couldn't get out of bed but not actually vomiting. At 11 weeks I started vomiting and didn't stop until 16 weeks (I was still nauseous until 20 weeks though). I wasn't diagnosed as having hyperemesis until 13 weeks.

I'm not sure you can judge whether she is poorly enough to be in bed - surely only she can judge how ill she feels?

mummymccar · 01/12/2011 08:26

ha, just seen post above mine, never mind then!

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