3 weeks in bed with morning sickness - fair enough or milking it?

[redstripeyelephant]

My friend is 10 weeks pregnant and having morning sickness, as you do! It sounds pretty normal - feels nauseous most of the day, throws up every now and then (not every day). She has been either off work sick or working from home for the last 3 weeks. I'm a SAHM and have tried popping round or inviting her over or to the park with me and DD (we live 5 mins away) but it's no good, she wants to stay in bed. Fair enough, I thought.

DH went to the pub with her DH last night and came back saying her DH is 'sick of it', thinks she is 'milking it' and wants me to talk to her and convince her she is 'not ill, just pregnant'!

He says she literally does not get out of bed, just lies there watching tv and waiting for him to bring her food. They recently bought a new house that needs lots of work and he is doing everything on his own. My DH went round there the other day to help with some DIY and said she just shouted hello from the bedroom. When he made some sarky comment about getting out of bed she said 'I am actually on medication you know' (antibiotics for a uti).

My feeling is I'm keeping well out of it! Plus, I do sympathise with her, it does feel shit. But most people do get on with it and don't stay in bed all day, but then different people cope with things differently, right? I threw up pretty much every day with DD2, and had to go to work and look after a toddler. But then I guess you have a better threshold for getting on with things when you're already a mum.

I thought I'd throw it open to the MN jury - is it normal to be so absolutely flattened by morning sickness that you literally can't get out of bed? (We're not talking hyperemesis by the way - she can keep food down, and has been to the doctor several times who says it'a just morning sickness).

?

I wouldn't judge. Another HG sufferer here. Spent 6 weeks out of action with DS1, and 12 with DS2. Rolling over made me vomit. I lost 2 stone in weight in the first 8 weeks of pregnancy both times. I was hospitalised twice with DS2, once with DS1. I nearly went in to kidney failure with DS2 at 11 weeks. HG is a living hell. I was debilitated and didn't eat or drink anything for 3 weeks at it's worst, everything was provided by a drip. Walking to the toilet was beyond me. Every 20 minutes around the clock my stomach would attempt to empty itself of absolutely nothing, because there was nothing there. The pain in my throat, ribs and back is indescribable. When I could swallow fluids, I would wake up vomiting in to my own hair. Oh, and then there was the time I was exorcist sick with blood due to rupturing blood vessels somewhere between my stomach and my mouth. Odanestron saved my second pregnancy. The consultant had already approached DH about possible termination. So I tend to never brand another woman who feels shit 'princessy'.

My MS has subsided quite a lot at 8 weeks (which is a worry in itself but that's on another thread!), but from about 4+3 to last weekend I felt completely awful and had one day off work (I'm p/t) and spent all my spare time lying on the sofa or in bed. I was sick maybe two-three times a day, but it was the constand nausea that was the absolute pits. There was no food that I wanted to eat as the thought of anything made me gag, and even drinking water was a struggle.

I'm pretty bad at being ill (in this house it's me, not DH, that gets man-flu...) and just find it very hard to cope with, but that doesn't mean I'm milking it. This morning my lovely DH stayed at home and looked after DS as I slept terribly last night, with not-very-pleasant stomac cramps, so was wrecked wen the alarm went off. I'm feeling better now, and know I should be soooooooo grateful for DH being as lovely as he is.

Thing is, feeling sick constantly is bloody awful, and just getting through the day is very very hard. So OP your friend's DH needs to get a bit of empathy!

Her dh should try it. First pregnancy not a whiff of sickness. 2nd I felt a bit crap and threw up a few times, but managed to look after 15 month old ds1.

3rd I threw up about 10-15 times a day for 5 weeks and lost over 1.5 stones in weight. I could barely move and could hardly keep anything down. 4th I threw up a lot, probably not quite as much as 3rd, but I went to bed for 4 weeks. My mum looked after the house and took children to school. I am sure that the rest helped.

A question for those of you who have had hyperemesis and/or morning sickness. Was there a difference depending on the sex of the baby?

I had two boys, yet was told HG is more common with girl pregnancies.

I was hospitalised with ds2 as I was so poorly.

Went back to work too early and vomited whilst delivering a baby.

I have a girl and a boy. I was worse when I was pregnant with the girl - my second pregnancy.

I had hyperemesis in both pregnancies. Admitted to hospital both time. I was off work sick for THREE MONTHS while pg with DS. While pregnant with DD my mum came and stayed for a few weeks to help out until I got over the worst of it.

ANd I got sick of being told 'you're not sick, just pregnant' she herself says she had five very easy pregnancies without any side effects. Grrrrrr.

Marco I have one boy one girl, vile HG both times.

Sorry was MIL who did the 'not sick just pregnant' line when she's had very easy pregnancies.

Maybe she is really sick, maybe she is milking it - how would you ever know??? YABU to get involved with this in any way whatsoever.

Her DP was probably just letting off some steam down the pub as he's perfectly entitled to do. But some people can get very sick.

I was much more ill with my girls - 3 & 4 pregnancies. I put that down to the fact I was just more knackered as had other children to look after.

I agree, no one really knows. She may be very sick, she may be milking it ,or maybe even a bit of both. Some women have horrendous pregnancies, some women do take advantage [my next door neighbour did and laughed about it behind her husbands back.]
Yes men do feel the need to have a little moan sometimes, just as many women do. It doesn't mean he's not being supportive.

He isn't just letting off steam in the pub.

He is trying to enlist the OP's help in bullying his wife into getting out of bed.

Am currently 15 weeks pg. Signed off from week 6 - 14.

i spent from week 6 - 12 IN BED barely moving at all... occasionaly made it down stairs, and occasionaly to the co -op about a 2 min walk away.

Other wise the only place i went in Jan / Feb was the dr / midwife.

It was AWFUL. I have hyperemisis. In week 7 i was admitted to hospital with it.
Have NEVER felt so poorly in my life
just moving made me sick.... or even OH turning over in bed. In order to get downstairs id normally hover around my en suite toilet and be sick a bit, then think better... id make it to the landing but then have to divert into family bathroom to vomit again.
If i made it downstairs (no downstairs loo) then would normally vomit in sink while down there, and then back to bed, again via family bathroom (next to stairs) as would not make it too the en suite.

I dont think she is necessarily milking it. I never realised how awful and ill you feel, and how it goes on and on and on and on... despite being on max doses of anti-sickness tablets, which in the beginning Dr wouldnt prescribe!
Needed 72 hours of vomiting EVERYthing (inc ice) and severly dehydrating 1st! I regularly vomit the tablets too... which just makes it even worse still!

Nannyl, you can be prescribed stemotil suppositories (sp). Not pleasant shoving pills up your arse, but you will at least get the meds in to you without up chucking. And my deepest sympathies. I found eating carbs little and often helped a bit x

thanks... I am mostly over that bit now... just (I think... fingers crossed, IE i can take them, lie still in the dark for an hour and "just breath" !)
I had them IV for a bit in hospital too.

TBH anything that helps is worth it IMO, even sticking it up your bum!

Oh, the glamour!

Agree with spidookly - he's not "on her side" - very bad omen for the relationship , IME

I idn;t have incredibly bad morning sickness like some poor people, but I was nauseas every single day until week 16 or so without being sick for the most part. Only reason I reckon I made it into work some days was because it started around 5pm and then I'd spend my evenings groaning away in front of the telly.

It is a horrible feeling when you feel very sick, although I did always feel tonnes better when I'd actually puked.

I had a great pregnancy, was rarely ill, except from week 7-10 when I had what felt like a horrendous hangover, and I would happily have stayed in bed for most of it.

Personally I'd say he's the one who is BU, and that he should stop involving other people in his wife's health issues.

It's the "you're not sick, you're pregnant" thing that gets me.

It shows such profound ignorance.

the ones that bug me are the 'I know what it's like, I was sick every day for a fortnight' brigade. They start off sympathetic but then if you're not better by the end of the fortnight they decide you're just whinging.

I had a midwife like that

OP have you been round to see her?

YABU.It's none of your business how she is feeling - and her DH sounds like an asshole.Sick of it? He sounds lovely - and yours doesn't sound a lot better, making sarky comments about her getting out of bed. You sound like a nice bunch of people!