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Original poster

3 weeks in bed with morning sickness - fair enough or milking it?

221 replies

redstripeyelephant · 21/03/2011 09:21

My friend is 10 weeks pregnant and having morning sickness, as you do! It sounds pretty normal - feels nauseous most of the day, throws up every now and then (not every day). She has been either off work sick or working from home for the last 3 weeks. I'm a SAHM and have tried popping round or inviting her over or to the park with me and DD (we live 5 mins away) but it's no good, she wants to stay in bed. Fair enough, I thought.

DH went to the pub with her DH last night and came back saying her DH is 'sick of it', thinks she is 'milking it' and wants me to talk to her and convince her she is 'not ill, just pregnant'!

He says she literally does not get out of bed, just lies there watching tv and waiting for him to bring her food. They recently bought a new house that needs lots of work and he is doing everything on his own. My DH went round there the other day to help with some DIY and said she just shouted hello from the bedroom. When he made some sarky comment about getting out of bed she said 'I am actually on medication you know' (antibiotics for a uti).

My feeling is I'm keeping well out of it! Plus, I do sympathise with her, it does feel shit. But most people do get on with it and don't stay in bed all day, but then different people cope with things differently, right? I threw up pretty much every day with DD2, and had to go to work and look after a toddler. But then I guess you have a better threshold for getting on with things when you're already a mum.

I thought I'd throw it open to the MN jury - is it normal to be so absolutely flattened by morning sickness that you literally can't get out of bed? (We're not talking hyperemesis by the way - she can keep food down, and has been to the doctor several times who says it'a just morning sickness).

?

OP posts:
nethunsreject · 21/03/2011 10:27

yep, lostinwales, I think your posts are a tad unpleasant.

hollygolightlyandcat · 21/03/2011 10:31

I think you need to support her rather than doubting her.
I nearly died of hypernemsis (it was so bad that my liver started to fail). However people weren't overly sympathetic until I was carted off to hospital for 2 weeks (apart from DH who was wonderful the whole time). DH brought me all my food and drink in bed including a packed lunch left next to the bed for when he was at work. This was because getting out of bed made me be sick straight away (I was still sick 30-40 times a day though!).
Having you thought about taking her some things which may help her morning sickness - ginger biscuits, flat coke, bananas, ice lollys may help? Lying in bed feeling and being sick all the time isnt much fun and I would imagine she would be willing to try any food or drink which may help.

LadyintheRadiator · 21/03/2011 10:31

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NinkyNonker · 21/03/2011 10:34

Cor, he sounds mean.

samay · 21/03/2011 10:35

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Meglet · 21/03/2011 10:40

I couldn't keep water down with all day morning sickness. I didn't go to work (was beyond caring at the point) and my mum had to help with then 2yo DS.

thekidsmom · 21/03/2011 10:42

We can't possibly know how bad she feels. She may or may not be milking it but we'll never know.

All I know is that for me with number 1 I was sick everyday several times for 6 months and had to have a couple of weeks off work in month 2/3 as I could not stand up.

With number 2 I was sick every day for 14 weeks but COULD go to work and look after a toddler.

With number 3 I was also sick for 6 months but could again do work and look after the toddlers - but on the face of it, you'd have thought that was worse than number 1, but it wasnt - I was just sick then carried on. With number 1 the awfulness never went away even after being repeatedly sick.

So I'd stayout of it if I were you - you just can't tell how she feels no matter how many time she's sick or how much she can eat in between

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/03/2011 10:46

samay :(

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 21/03/2011 10:46

PLEASE don't take her ginger biscuits, if she is ill enough that she can't get out of bed then she's beyond the state when ginger biscuits are going to help, I promise you.

I had times when I could just about manage not to vomit most of the time if I lay very still and didn't read or watch tv or anything. I didn't want to vomit because the more I vomited the more I vomited, so when I made the mistake of trying to do too much I ended up doing it 20 or 30 times a day which meant I kept no food or water down. I would have loved to able to be all jolly and 'oh well, if I throw up my breakfast I'll just keep going and have another one!' about it but frankly that was not how it worked.

she's probably just doing her best to stay out of hospital.
she needs to rest as much as possible and not let it get bad because the worse it gets the longer it will take her to recover.

and anyone who thinks this woman is being princessy can just fuck right off and when they've got there they can fuck off some more.

shitmagnet · 21/03/2011 10:49

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VivaLeBeaver · 21/03/2011 10:50

It could definetly be that she's not throwing up because she's staying in bed. I was certainly worse if stood up.

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 21/03/2011 10:52

oh by the way, the definition of HG that is often used is circular: if you are ill enough to require medical treatment it is HG. But you only get medical treatment if it's HG - you get the picture.
the first time I had it I really really struggled to get it taken seriously by GPs. The second and third times were simple because I just went along and said 'I had HG in my last pregnancy and this is how we managed it.'

bupcakesandcunting · 21/03/2011 10:52

I had all day nausea for the first twelve weeks. I was never actually sick but I felt so sick that some days I used to sit and sob at work. I just wanted to sleep/be horizontal. It's part of the reason I haven't had another baby. It was that traumatic. Childbirth was a cake walk compared to feeling VERY sick 24 hours a day for three months.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/03/2011 10:54

Being sick is one of my worst things. I can cope with most everything else but not that. It makes me weepy and miserable and I feel horrid. With sickness, I have dizziness and if I'm sick I get bloodshot eyes and a swollen face.

Other people seem to breeze through sickness, I know it's a minor thing really, just not to me. OP... I wonder if you friend is the same? :(

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/03/2011 10:54

seth - too true about the ginger biscuits. If one more person had said to me 'ooh have you tried ginger biscuits' and I would have told them to fuck off, in fact I think I did.

Now with this baby, I just had morning sickness, not HG. I felt rough as dogs in the morning, and again before lunch, but I could eat, keep water down and function. I was nowhere near as poorly.

swingingcat · 21/03/2011 10:55

Echo other posts I had horrendous sickness from conception to birth!
Lost 3 stone throughout pregnancy!

samay · 21/03/2011 10:56

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spidookly · 21/03/2011 10:59

"her DH is 'sick of it', thinks she is 'milking it' and wants me to talk to her and convince her she is 'not ill, just pregnant'! "

ShockShockShockShock

What an utter fucking cock.

You shouldn't stay out of it.

You should go around.

And talk to him.

And explain to the nasty bollocks that early pregnancy can be extremely tough and that it is his job to support the woman who is unable to get out of bed because she is CARRYING HIS CHILD.

Needaname · 21/03/2011 10:59

Otoh judging and criticising her for not being a martyr now might be doing her a favour. She'll have an early introduction to motherhood :).

wolfhound · 21/03/2011 11:04

I felt absolutely dreadful with MS with all 3 of mine, worst of all with the current one (felt dreadful until about 5.5mths). I didn't stay in bed, as didn't have the option, but dragged myself around in a very unproductive way, only just keeping up with life, certainly not contributing much to it. DH was sympathetic, and gave me lie-ins etc. when possible. I would have been veryveryvery resentful had he criticised me! Even more so if he'd criticised me to other people! It is horrible, but does, eventually pass. Of course, your friend might be 'milking it' but then presumably she 'milks' every other situation too, so then her DH should be used to it...

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 21/03/2011 11:04

Samay, what you experienced is unfortunately very common.

I got medication but the first time round I had to really fight for it.
with my subsequent pregnancies it was much easier.
An awful lot of docs just won't prescribe to women in pregnancy. The relief when I got a GP who 'got it' was immeasurable.

MillsAndDoom · 21/03/2011 11:04

I was sick several times a day every day of both pregnancies. I lost 2 stone with each pregnancy so weighed same at the end as I did at the beginning but avoided hospital admission as I could just about cope with sips of water throughout the day.

I felt like shit but had to get on with it as had a job to do and second time around had a child to look after.

She could be really really poorly or had a history of m/c and be doing everything that she can to have a safe healthy pregnancy.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/03/2011 11:07

Samay... I had injections of some kind of anti-nausea drug, I don't know what it was but think it begins with 'P', I was so desperate and it worked. Never been so thankful in my life.

Checkmate · 21/03/2011 11:07

The poor woman probably has the kind of all-consuming nausea that totally wipes the floor with you. I've experienced that (as well as hyperemesis involving puking everytime I move, in different pregnancies) and she has my full sympathy.

Really, the only way of coping is to move as little as possible, and rest.

gabity · 21/03/2011 11:08

Think I was taking about 3 different anti sickness tablets, as well as injections when hospitalised. None made any difference to me. Had something by drip as well but no effect.

The only thing that helped me was accupuncutre, but by the time I discovered it I was so weak and my gullet so damaged from being sick it took a long time to recover.

Was at the dentist yesterday (DD is now 13 months) and she sensitively asked me if I making myself sick as my teeth are so damaged. (I hadn't been to the dentist for ages, am terrifed, but if you have been through a lot of sickness make sure you go! My teeth are now being treated but damage is done).

Makes my blood boil when people dismiss morning sickness as nothing. It affects different people in different ways, until you have been there, being/feeling sick 24/7 please don't judge how you would cope. Sad.