3 weeks in bed with morning sickness - fair enough or milking it?

[redstripeyelephant]

My friend is 10 weeks pregnant and having morning sickness, as you do! It sounds pretty normal - feels nauseous most of the day, throws up every now and then (not every day). She has been either off work sick or working from home for the last 3 weeks. I'm a SAHM and have tried popping round or inviting her over or to the park with me and DD (we live 5 mins away) but it's no good, she wants to stay in bed. Fair enough, I thought.

DH went to the pub with her DH last night and came back saying her DH is 'sick of it', thinks she is 'milking it' and wants me to talk to her and convince her she is 'not ill, just pregnant'!

He says she literally does not get out of bed, just lies there watching tv and waiting for him to bring her food. They recently bought a new house that needs lots of work and he is doing everything on his own. My DH went round there the other day to help with some DIY and said she just shouted hello from the bedroom. When he made some sarky comment about getting out of bed she said 'I am actually on medication you know' (antibiotics for a uti).

My feeling is I'm keeping well out of it! Plus, I do sympathise with her, it does feel shit. But most people do get on with it and don't stay in bed all day, but then different people cope with things differently, right? I threw up pretty much every day with DD2, and had to go to work and look after a toddler. But then I guess you have a better threshold for getting on with things when you're already a mum.

I thought I'd throw it open to the MN jury - is it normal to be so absolutely flattened by morning sickness that you literally can't get out of bed? (We're not talking hyperemesis by the way - she can keep food down, and has been to the doctor several times who says it'a just morning sickness).

?

Samay - that is awful.

I was offered an anti-emetic tablet - I stopped taking it as it stopped me being able to be sick but didn't take away the need for me to be sick to feel better iyswim.

I felt utterly awful with all day morning sickness with my first child for around two weeks (after which it moderated a little). You wouldn't expect someone with d&v to get on with it so why should a pregnant woman with particularly severe morning sickness? As it was my first born fortunately I had no other dc to care for - if I had, dh would have had to take time off work or I would have asked my mother to stay.

Only suffered mild morning sickness with my second child - could carry on with normal activities. There was no comparison. Pregnancies differ.

I had horrible nausea with both my pregnancies. I never puked - just had crushing constant nausea every waking moment of the day for around 10 weeks.

I could eat. In fact, I had to eat because even the slightest hunger pang made the nausea worse. But I still felt rotten.

I didn't stay in bed for 3 weeks, but in some ways I might as well have. I just dragged my sorry arse around the place and although I was physically present, all my mental energy was taken up with how wretched I was feeling.

It is difficult.

I definately didn't have hypremis. But was sick several times a day for the whole pregnancy - I still found later in the pregnancy easier because I was less nauseous with it, and more able to just vom and then go back to my dinner/work! And I did just tough it out, because I had only just started at work and didn't want to lose my job.

So maybe if it is just being sick a bit, once the nausea passes she'll be more active.

I have a friend who couldn't get a hypremis diagnosis despite the fact that she would wake up covered in vomit every morning and lost huge amounts of weight. She could not have gone to work.

Agree bupcakes, it is definitely one of the reasons that I wouldn't have another baby.

I had hyperemesis so badly with my first pregnancy that I lost the baby.

My teeth are permanently damaged from the acid due to all the vomiting.

No-body who has not experienced it has any idea how bad it can be. I remember being reduced to tears by the nausea. Complete bedrest is the only thing that eases it a little bit.

I have had major surgery, and believe me it was a walk in the park compared to the hyperemesis.

Samay - I had to go and see the GP and beg for meds. This was ten years ago and the GP was dubious as he was very worried about the meds affecting the baby. Luckily one of my friends was an obstetrician and told me to tell him it was safe. I had cyclizine and it worked a bit though I was still very sick.

If I'd known about ondansetron at the time I'd have asked for that but GPs are again reluctant to prescribe it, its very expensive.

I think GPs are better now about prescribing as they're less concerned about possible side effects, the drugs are seen as safer now. My GP had never prescribed cyclizine for morning sickness/hyperemsis before. So maybe it was new then, not sure.

Its the main reason I didn't have a second baby.

I have to say LostInWales that you might have been sick but there is no way you were as ill as I was. You wouldn't have been able to go into work if you had been that ill even if you didn't have a limb hanging off. And I also doubt you'd have had more kids.

I think it's difficult to comment, every woman is different.

I had awful morning and evening sick for the whole 9 months but I still got up every morning and went to college until the year ended (I was 6½ months pregnant when the year ended). I felt like shit the whole day but I just went on with it as best I could.

I didn't get any help with it but part of it was that I didn't tell anyone apart from DP and a close friend I was pregnant until I was 18 weeks gone (when I had my first doctor's appointment) and I was a bit scared/worried about bringing it up and just being told that it's normal and I'm making a fuss over nothing.

I had shocking pregnacy nausea I was sick only 2 or three times a day but struggled with the all consuming nausea the only thing wthat would make it go away was lying down and literally not doing anything.
I was hospitalised 7 times between my first 2 pregnancies (with verious antiemetics)I ended up on ondasetron for my third pregnacy (there isn't much lying down you can do with 2 under 4yrs).

My work also suffered massively.

I most certainly was not "milking it" I feel for you friend I hope it eases soon.

You can have it bad and struggle through it. Did that with DD1. But when you get it really badly, you can't struggle through it. Got that with DD2. Totally different. You can't compare it. And I consider myself pretty hardy.

Samay I was given meds straight away, but I think it helped that I had been hospitalised (on holiday) and ended up on a drip, so the doctor took it a bit more seriously. It also had a lovely older GP who was closer to retiring and very very helpful, gave me one lot of meds which didn't work alone, but I discovered that if I combined them with another type (which I'd been given on holiday) then it brought it more under control and he merrily prescribed both.

And ditto on killing people who said i was "pregnant not ill" - no, I was both! Being pregnant made me ill!

I do not think anyone but your friend can honestly say how ill she feels. I suffered from hypermesis with DD1 and was in and out of hospital and lost almost 4st in weight.

I felt very ill for 3 months. I felt constantly nauseus lying down, sitting up i felt like i was just about to vomit all the time (Though rarely did) the dr gave me pills for the nausea which had some effect but not much. and the exhaustion, well I would never have believed it, i could hardly walk upstairs. i managed to look after a toddler through the second (worse) pregnancy (playpens, long naps and late nights up with daddy) by 18 weeks i was up and raring to go and frustrated because i was banned from helping board out the loft. in my second pregnancy i was still wallpaapering the living room at 8 months.

different people have different experiences. Be sympathetic, take her round a supply of ginger beer, ginger biscuits, peppermint tea and plain biscuits.

Oh and my not at all d h thought i was putting it on which made it 10x worse (bastard)

I am really glad that this thread started, because it shows that a lot of women are really ill with morning sickness and are not getting any help.

If people are being sick so frequently for so long that it causes permanent damage to their teeth, how can that not be considered an illness?

I think hyperemesis is underdiagnosed. I told the midwife how ill I felt, that I was dizzy every time I moved and was hallucinating, and she said that if I could keep down sips of water then I just had to get on with it. Then a routine bloodtest showed I was in ketosis and an anaesthetist told me that having morning sickness had damaged my veins. At no point did I get any help.

Whenever I speak to a pregnant friend and take their morning sickness seriously, they are so relieved and want to talk about it, because it is one of those things you are meant to brush off and not talk about, but I think it is putting women's health at risk.

The OP should speak to her friend and advise her to speak to her midwife again, and attempt to get proper treatment.

not milking it all, how does anyone else know how shes feeling? if he felt the way she does he wouldnt leave the bed for 9 months

thanks everyone, I'm quite astounded by all these stories, I thought I'd had it quite bad but clearly not! I've spoken to her today, she's been prescribed meds by the GP, been signed off work for a week, and her mum is coming to look after her . Hopefully she'll be more sympathetic than her DH!

And the stress of knowing that some people don't believe how ill you are is horrendous. I woke up every morning in a state because I knew people expected me at work, yet I physically couldn't move. 'But you're not ill...'

It really got me down. Luckily my doctor was very sympathetic.

I think we need to let people have the pregnancy they're having. I'm typing mobile from my hospital bed, I'm 24 weeks and in with Braxton's.

My pregnancies are pretty much symptom free, no sickness, cravings etc and a lot of people are jealous of me until I tell them the rest. I have an autoimmune disease that makes pregnancy dangerous for me and the baby. I have to inject heparin every day that leaves me covered in bruises and I often wake up to blood pouring down my throat because my nose is bleeding and I'm on my back. I have long term pgp. I've never gone to term in pregnancy delivering at 20, 31 and 35 weeks with several false starts.

The reactions I get from people are probably often harder than the pregnancy. You're pregnant not ill - well my pregnancy hasn't cured my 3 autoimmune diseases nor made my mobility problem easier! Lots of women get pgp worse than you but they get better after pregnancy - severity is not an indicator of how long pgp will last, going away again is what it's supposed to do, however bad it gets.

I suffer a lot of things other women do and it makes everyone an expert on my health. I don't really care about how bad others had it, its not a competition I'm just trying to live through my health and my pregnancy.

I was in hospital on a drip for my sickness. I remember being told it would pass after 16 weeks but it went on until 24. I did used to go out but have quite a few embarrassing stories of being sick in public.

I was absolutely dreadful with my first pregnancy. It hit me like a wave and I was knocked out until about 25 weeks. I felt terrible, I lost 2 stone, I couldn't even take the dog for a walk it was that bad. I was utterly miserable and was convinced I'd feel that shit forever.

I wasn't quite so bad with DD but still shitty up until about 20 weeks. I had no choice but to get on with things because I already had DS1 who was toddling by then. I got more depressed with this one though because I couldn't simply lie down and take it eas so it affected me more in that respect.

3rd time I was rubbish for only the first 14 weeks and again it wasn't quite as bad. Definitely my best pregnancy.

There are only 5 years between my oldest and youngest so I think your body gets used to it.

I'll never forget how awful I was the first time though and if my DH had DARED told me I was faking it I'd have killed him.

redstripey do you know her dh well enough to be able to share with him the findings of your MN research on the matter? Sounds like he needs his awareness raising

BTW, if she has been prescribed meds, whilst it may make the sickness better she might not be able to do much more. The meds I was on knocked me out - I literally slept for 18-20 hours a day on them. My DH (and he was very dear, he was a star!) had to wake me up to try and get me to eat, and I'd be asleep again by the time he'd cooked so he'd have to wake me again!

So even with treatment she may need to spend just as much time in bed. I'd be having words with her H though, he needs to realise that pregnancy is not the same for everyone and some people really really struggle.

I don't know him that well, known her for years but it's just a recent things our DHs occasionaly going to the pub together. Next time we see them as a couple I will be definitely regaling them with stories of my various 'friends' who were all very ill with morning sickness

The weird thing is every time I speak to her she tells me how supportive he is being. So either she's lying to keep up appearances or he was just having a bit of a whinge last night and offloading everything he's kept bottled up to my DH

To be fair to him he's been working really long hours then coming home doing painting/sanding/wallpaper stripping as well as looking after her, so he's not that bad...