to think not everyone has someone to look after DCs whilst they give birth????

[deliakate]

For one reason or another, the two close friends we've made in this area since moving here 20 months ago are not going to be in a position to take DS (20 months) for as long as is needed whilst I give birth this May. I feel really embarrassed as have no family nearby that would do it either. So we are a bit stuck. He can go to our elderly neighbours, but not to sleep, and I know labour has a habit of going on all night sometimes!

Could we take DS to the hospital with us? And have him sleep in buggy somewhere? When he was born, I was moved into HDU, and there were about 10 medics in there, so he would have to have been outside the room. Would they even allow this?

What else can we do??? Surely we aren't the only ones in this position. Or is DH going to have to miss this birth?

yellowstone i think it means grand parents,not general practitioners.

Ah good! (I did think it would be beyond the call of duty..).

If there are no possibilities of finding someone you know from a playgroup or toddler group, who would be willing to hold the fort until your family can get there, then I would think a local child-minder would be the best option. Are there any local groups you could go to in the next few weeks to establish some contacts?

We had an older lady from church who used to babysit for us, and she came any time of the day or night, when I went into labour.

I think in your situation I would do without your DH. Flame me if you like, but I can't understand why men should be present at the births of their children anyway.

If there is no childcare and you are in a two parent household, then one parent can watch the children at home whilst the other is giving birth if no other alternative presents itself.

I was a single parent from 7 weeks into my second pregnancy. I had my mother for support, but I did have to consider the possibility of giving birth alone so she could watch my two and a half year old whilst I was in hospital.

Other things that I considered were paying a child minder or nanny, asking someone from further afield (family or friends) to come and stay at mine, hiring a doula as a birthing partner rather than having my mother or homebirth.

Being on my own meant if the worst came to the worst and there was no one available, that social services would have arranged temporary care whilst I was hospitalised.

I know it's shit to think that perhaps DP will not be there for the birth, but if you can't arrange anything else, sometimes you do just have to suck it up and get on with it.

I hope you manage to find something else. Much as I would never have a man in the labour room with me again, I think it must be difficult if you really want to and can't.

I gave birth alone for this very reason.

I used a childminder accredited for overnight care

I was in your exact situation for the arrival of DC3 on another continent. I investigated doulas to come and take care of the 2 I couldn't bring with me. Neighbours all said 'leave them with us, don't worry' but when push came to shove no-one was home and we had to leave for the hospital in a great hurry. We had arranged with the doula to come when I went into labour but in the end I didn't have time to summon her. exH found a local teenager to take care of DD1 and DS for a few hours until he could get home. Not great as plans go but it worked out.

Investigate the nanny agency option and put up notices in your local churches or colleges. The overnight CM idea is fab -- wish this had been available for me.

where abouts are you deliakate? i am a childminder and would be happy to be 'on call' as i understand what its like having family live far away! have done this for a few of my minded children when siblings have arrived..

I thought this thread was going to be about a single Mum who was really stuck.

OP you are not stuck at all, you have a DP who can take care of your DC, so either he misses a hospital birth or you have a home birth. It's not rocket science is it

Not everyone is a candidate for a homebirth.

Far preferable to have a childcare arrangement made than to forgo the support of the DH, which I would personally put as the last possible option. Some mothers really value the support of their DHs during childbirth. It's worth turning every stone to make this possible if that's the case.

We were in a similar situ to you as my parents live 3.5 hrs away and my in-laws were abroad when I was due. DS turned up a week early so my wonderful mother in law who was flying in was actually in the air when I was sucking down the gas-and-air!! Anyway, we had to dig dd out of bed and take her with us. She was in the room the entire time and in some ways it was pretty good - I had to concentrate on her and tell her, in ways a nearly 4 yr old could understand, what was happening so she wouldnt be alarmed. It was great to have something else to focus on - I couldnt let the pain get to me as I didnt want to make her frightened. I have no idea how my dh had the presence of mind but when we were loading up the car, he put in towels, kikois etc to make a bed up for her in the corner of the room. An angel really was looking after us that night as she fell asleep about 10 mins before I started to push - I dont think that she should have seen the 'gory' bit! I doubt at 20 months your little one will even have a clue what is going on so I guess I am saying take them along!

Hospitals sometimes have strict rules. Mine would have used a bouncer to turn away children accompanying parents to maternity and would have refused point blank to allow one into the room.

mmsmum OP you are not stuck at all, you have a DP who can take care of your DC, so either he misses a hospital birth or you have a home birth. It's not rocket science is it

Well that's a bit harsh isn't it! Not everyone can have a home birth and then if they do quite a few have to go into hospital anyway if baby gets stuck or something. And maybe she would ACTUALLY LIKE to have her DH there for support and to experience it. I was in a right state during my births and there were a lot of complications. I don't know what I would have done without my DH there to speak for me. I couldn't speak as in so much pain and he knew exactly what I wanted/needed and was able to speak on my behalf. You have really pissed me off with that ignorant comment!

giving birth is a pretty big deal. Its not like asking someone to look after your kids so you can have a meal out with your dp.
i think you would have to have a seriously crap relationship with your family to not be in a postion to ask them to do a mere five hour journey to look after your child whilst you GIVE BIRTH.

you would have to have a seriously crap relationship with your family to not be in a postion to ask them to do a mere five hour journey to look after your child whilst you GIVE BIRTH

Your right! Mine wouldn't take a day off work while I gave birth, Ta for that, not.

I was in this very position when I was expecting ds2. I'd had an emergency c-section with ds1 and was told by the mw that I'd probably end up needing another one because of the size of the baby.

In the end I opted for an elective c-section. I didn't really want one, but I didn't want to labour/give birth by myself without dh there either.

We dropped ds1 off at school and went off to the hospital for the elective. It went fine and I'm glad that I did it that way, but I also felt sad that I didn't have any childcare for ds1 and that I'd had to make the decision to have an elective.

Neither I nor DH were "there" for my DD's birth. An emergency CS under general anaesthetic. Still hurts.

mmsmum's comment isn't in the slightest bit ignorant. Tbh this stuff about wanting the support of DH's is very self-absorbed. If arrangements can be made, fine. But if they can't and there's a child that needs to be taken care of then shouldn't the child take priority and the hospital staff give the mother support?

The idea of a four year old in the same room as her mother giving birth, with all the unpredictable situations that can bring, I find abhorrent, but perhaps I'm alone. I'm amazed that a hospital allowed it. What if she'd been awake and wandered over to have a good look? And I'm far from prissy, very far. Or am I just out of touch?

I was a single parent when DD3 was born so I had no choice but to have a homebirth. Her dad was nowhere to be seen and I'm another one that has a seriously crap relationship with my family! There are people that I could have called to help in an emergency but since they all knew my situation and hadn't offered to help I was relucatnt to ask for it. Pity really because I have some wonderful friends now!!

If you have a DH I really don't see what the problem is.