to think not everyone has someone to look after DCs whilst they give birth????

[deliakate]

For one reason or another, the two close friends we've made in this area since moving here 20 months ago are not going to be in a position to take DS (20 months) for as long as is needed whilst I give birth this May. I feel really embarrassed as have no family nearby that would do it either. So we are a bit stuck. He can go to our elderly neighbours, but not to sleep, and I know labour has a habit of going on all night sometimes!

Could we take DS to the hospital with us? And have him sleep in buggy somewhere? When he was born, I was moved into HDU, and there were about 10 medics in there, so he would have to have been outside the room. Would they even allow this?

What else can we do??? Surely we aren't the only ones in this position. Or is DH going to have to miss this birth?

Hab can read between the lines what does that mean?

We were in the position of the OP years ago when DD2 was born - family five hours away, no one able to have DS all night. So DH took me to hospital then returned home with DS and looked after him while I had DD2. I did not mind - it was the only practical solution! The hospital let DH ans DS visit the next morning outside visiting hours.

What got me was how horrified the midwives were that I was not having anyone with me to give birth.

I know someone who chose to give birth alone, she has loads of family who offered but she politely declined their offers as she just wanted to be by herself.

Not sure I understand either, even being Hab and all, but given that this thread has been well and truly derailed, and I think comes down to fundamental differences of personality and approach, I'm not sure there's anything to be gained (for me at least) by continuing to debate it. Sorry, OP. Hope all works out well.

I get the feeling you don't encounter too much questioning of your rather strident opinions or abrasive style in RL then?

'Unkindness happens. I did not say it 'just' happens which is quite different. You see, there you go again, distorting. It's very weak.' I myself consider hair splitting rather weak, despite the obvious handicap of not having a decent degree in logic.

Wouldn't it be a better idea to make an effort yourself to prevent unkindness from 'happening' rather than expecting posters to treat your actual words with some sort of indulgence?

Very funny to suggest that people read between the lines instead of taking you up on what you've actually written. It is neither logical nor rational to post and then expect what you've said to be basically 'distorted', to applaud any distortion that you feel you agree with, and to condemn as (lol) cyberbullying any alleged distortion that you disagree with.

Back to the thread -- I would really try very hard to find anyone remotely suitable to take care of the first DC while you and your DP go to the hospital. It's so strange to find anyone going in alone that MWs and staff are often very puzzled about your family circumstances, and some can be quite judgey, which in turn can have an effect on the quality of the care you receive. A young DC will survive even an arrangement that doesn't look particularly promising on the surface at least until a backup can arrive to take over, if you can persuade family to get there in the course of the day you go in.

neither need nor want any words I write on MN to be treated with indugence!

You not Yo since I clearly need to spell it all out (speed typing to exit asap from the thread).

'I've dealt with stuff and seen others deal with stuff which goes way beyond anything myred describes.'
Congratulations, you're marvelous. And everyone else is an unhelpful wuss.

'I'm not exceptional in terms of toughness at all.'
Oh come now, don't be coy.

'When there are children to take care of, mothers do need to 'man up'. If you find that a nasty and unempathetic view , that's tough. Not as tough as doing the manning up however.'
Do I hear the strains of 'Onward Christian Soldiers'?

'I believe that it's those who talk all about their own problems who are unempathetic; there's no room in their mindset for others. That's not real trauma, nor depression.'
And now you are going to decide for us what constitutes real trauma and depression, separate the wheat from the chaff, sheep from goats, men from boys, emotional leeches from those of us with degrees in logic...

plopp the irony is in you calling a complete stranger nasty on an internet forum for expressing a particular, not hugely extreme view when you've told us that your parents in law think so little of you that they 'spitefully' refuse to look after their grandchild when you're due the next. That is pretty extreme now, surely?

What the f*ck are you talking about?!

I am invoking Godwin's Law Yellowstone

I think I invoked it Princess! It doesn't mean that the comparison is inappropriate though....

You might want to go away and contemplate quietly why you feel a comparison with The Holocaust is needed

Horrible to glibly compare to Nazis

Princess there is absolutely no reference to the Holocaust whatever. That is completely absurd. An obergruppenfuhrer is merely a rank in the party and cannot possibly be confused for a reference to the Holocaust unless you know very little indeed. Since close relations of mine were in and died in concentration camps and every single one of my father's family fought in the Resistance, I find that comment deeply, deeply offensive. I've been to Auschwitz more than once, as have my children, I've also taken the school. Ignorance is out of order with something like that. It's you who shouldn't be glib. Awful. I'm definitely off.

but still you feel a comparison to a Nazi party paramilitary is acceptable

and I'm the glib one here, by your account

okay

It's pretty amazing that you didn't apologise: I wouldn't have hesitated myself

Expecting someone else to apologise after what you have come out with on this thread? Seriously? Fnar!

Odd names? - well valium isn't my real name, and I am presuming you don't usually answer to yellowstone :)

As far as I can see. no one has 'whined' - expressed their feelings maybe, but not whined, and no one has said anything to deserve to be called 'wet' etc.

Picking fights or just not agreeing with you? There is a big difference.

'Fnar' is a snort of laughter - hence the grin. Certainly not some 'tatty insult beginning with f**k'