to think not everyone has someone to look after DCs whilst they give birth????

[deliakate]

For one reason or another, the two close friends we've made in this area since moving here 20 months ago are not going to be in a position to take DS (20 months) for as long as is needed whilst I give birth this May. I feel really embarrassed as have no family nearby that would do it either. So we are a bit stuck. He can go to our elderly neighbours, but not to sleep, and I know labour has a habit of going on all night sometimes!

Could we take DS to the hospital with us? And have him sleep in buggy somewhere? When he was born, I was moved into HDU, and there were about 10 medics in there, so he would have to have been outside the room. Would they even allow this?

What else can we do??? Surely we aren't the only ones in this position. Or is DH going to have to miss this birth?

not read whole thread but your health visitor for DS1 should be able to arrange support from somebody like homestart/surestart or your midwife for this pregnancy should put you in contact with professional support agencies. Its not an uncommon position to be in. Hope it al goes well.

This may not be of any help, but my husband missed our first birth. So did I. I was under general anaesthetic. So he was out the room, I was out the room

It was all fine.

Hopefully you will sort childcare, but if you dont, you will still have your baby and your family afterwards.

Candleshoe Nice. Not sure this reflects on her parenting skills at all.

OP, we had this sort of problem with DS2, who was a planned HB. Couldn't guarantee he'd stay asleep the whole time, and since DS2 was born at half ten in the morning, sure enough, he didn't! He came fast, and we knew my parents wouldn't make it (through the snow!) in time, so asked a couple of local friends to be on standby. And a couple of neighbours with children (we'd only just moved house, knew nobody) offered without being asked! I think people will offer to do this at the drop of a hat. You have some time in hand, so get to know your neighbours and find some with children!

Or there's occasional nannies, doulas, childminders, social services might also be able to offer advice - it's hardly an uncommon problem!

(BTW, DH almost missed the birth of his second son because my friend didn't make it through the snow to collect DS1 until a very few minutes before the birth! DH was sitting upstairs with DS1 up until then.)

most doulas would do that and will come on call :-)

We had this problem, and ended up having my mum come and stay for three weeks. Was a bit less of a risk as I had PET and knew I wouldn't be going beyond 40 weeks, otherwise I guess your giving birth window is a bit more vague! Is that an option for you at all?

A doula is a really good option. You might find you can stay at home much longer - and that you are happy to give birth with her as partner; or if it is best for you at the time a good doula would babysit.

I bet your neighbours would be happy to help though, and they might be able to just come and sleep at yours if it is after bedtime?

Whilst I was having DS2 in the MLU last year there was a family who had brought their two year old as they had no other option. Apparently she sat in the corner unfazed, eating crisps and reading books. I don't think this would go down too well if it were your Plan A, though.

No need to be rude!

I am not precious! All 3 of my children went to nursery but not a day nursery with nursery nurses who are keen to babysit. Rather they went to the preschool class attached to their school which had two qualified teachers neither of whom I would have asked to babysit.

We have no living family. Zero! I would think that most people would leave their children with grandparents or siblings first but we have never had that. We also move around every 2yrs with my DH's job (sometimes in another country) making it difficult to make solid friend whom we could rely upon in such circumstances.

The other thing is, I did have afriend but she worked f/t and had her own 3 kids. I'm not sure I knew her well enough to ask her to have to other children under 5 and take a day off work so my DH could attend DD2's birth though.

I'd dearly love to be part of a babysitting circle or have family who could help or even long standing friends who could do so. We just don't have that luxury.

So please don't assume it's because I'm too pathetic to leave my children in capable hands. Our difficult cicumstances mean I do my very best as a parent, thank you.

So, Cat64, I wonder how it is my choice and candleshoe perhaps you could enlighten me as to how I can prepare when we have no family and constantly move?

We had no-one nearby.

But we did have a lovely childminder (who we already used in the day) who took DD until a relative arrived (about 3 drive hours usually). She (the CM) wasn't licensed for overnight stays, but stayed up with DD until someone came to get her. (DD slept, the CM didn't.) It wasn't ideal but it worked. You might be able to find someone similar.

candleshoe

myredcardigan - I was nearly in your position, so I sympathize

Do you have any neighbours who aren't neighbourly and who are also parents?

I know I would not hesitate to stay at someone's house and doze on ther sofa if they were off having a baby.

Candleshoe is very very rude.

pointydog - don't they need to be neighbourly and not parents?

Thank you, Chaotica. It upsets me regularly knowing that my children miss out on having that special relationship that you have with grandparents. Even an aunt/uncle or cousins would be lovely for them.

Seriously? You can't find one friend in nine months!!!?????

[grin[ I meant not elderly and parents.

Meaning that they had children (whatever age, older better than tiny), two parents.

Hi - my mum came to stay for a week around my due date - it was great - she helped out with DS1 and then stayed with him when we went to hospital -she got a bit bored I think. We had friends who could have watch my DS1 if I had gone into labour early though - but I was pretty sure I would be late and I was!

Not that I should need to explain this but we moved to where we were living when I was 6mths pregnant with a 4yr old and a 2yr old. DD2 was also 2wks early. So no, in that 2 and a half months I didn't strike up a relationship with anyone I trusted enough to have my 2 young children at such short notice. Nor were ant friendships at the stage where I felt I could ask such a thing.

But she is here and it is done. Reading Edgar's thread moments after posting with retained anger and upset put it all in perspective for me.

I hope the OP manages to sort something out.

Candleshoe - do you trust anyone you meet to look after your DCs?
Especially if they're 20months old and might not know what is happening, and might have tantrums at the best of times.

Please stop being so patronizing.

Some of us have plenty of friends, but not local friends.

Nanny agency? There are solutions you know!

candle, you're being pretty unpleasant

I employ people I trust - it seems to me that tightness with money is the issue here! If you don't have friends and family then employ someone!