Emailing and children

[scatterbee]

Again after advice for my partner.

He is the NRP. He wants to set up an email address for his DC (5 & 7) so that they can email each other. He wants this private from his ex if possible. Also wants them to be able to instant message each other / web cam / skype if him and the DC are on at the same time.

She thinks hes unreasonable. That expecting them to email is daft. And that she has no objection to trying to webcam but it needs to be a set time, and its likely to be a brief moment before they race off, and she is not willing to have a webcam left on so he can see what they are playing / generally doing as thats an invasion of her house.

So Is he unreasonable?

My SS9 has email and has done from a young age (5) so that he can keep in touch with us (or his mum when he's with us) but your OH should not expect much from kids that young in terms of email. SS liked the idea of email than the practicality of it and only the odd message got sent that was usually only a 'hello' or something.

As for secrets - no way sorry. That is going to do nothing to help build relationships between both households. All parents should have access if you do set up an address. Kids that age should not be encouraged to have secrets from either parent.

Skype works well but again - fixed times that suit both households and don't expect it to last long either at that age - a couple of minutes. Webcams should only be turned on at fixed times and be careful where you point them!

What worked best for us when my SS9 was your step-kids age was a good old fashioned phone call.

I've just read the whole thread. Am feeling totally exhausted.
Don't know where to start but can't really add anything that hasn't already been said.
Except... these two things jumped out at me: that the DP is receiving counselling for, amongst other things, anger management. That tells a whole other stry that hasn't been mentioned. Can't "just" be the fight with the ex's new partner.
And the other thing... "the complete disdain he has incurred on her or what," OP, are you saying that your partner treats your DD with disdain? In which case...

I just am so sad reading this thread.

There are so so many different things ringing alarm bells for me.

But the OP isn't going to see it

Please please please scatterbee take the advice on this thread.

I think they are a bit young to be able to email effectively anyway just yet, though I understand why it would be a lovely idea. But having a webcam left on indefinitely so he can just watch them in his exW's house is BONKERS and I'm not surprised she's refused.

OP i have been trying to get my head around this thread basically the whole situation is a ball of confusion. I would be very surprised if you yourself actually know if your on your arse or your elbow. You have spun yourself and eveyone replying dizzy get yourself off the waltzer sit yourself down and starting thinking about your life. Not reacting to the latest catastophy but thinking ahead. You need to find a balance to your family life stop all this crazy carry on its not exciting NOW is it is frightening.. Remember that feeling get hold of yourself protect your children and yourself from yet more harm. You are not a stupid lass but you have been a very immature silly one. Time to take responsibilty and long past time to grow up a bit your not a helpless child your DCs ARE. Get a bit of backbone and stop playing the victim.

i think if he doesnt make more effort,he will get zero access in the end. very sad for the children

i admire the ex in all this to be honest.....and can see how she is reluctant to faciltate any MORE access when the little he does have is not going well and hasnt been regular

in fact i see my own scenario here.....and my ex messed round and ended up with zero contact.

does he want this to happen scatterbee...??

have CAFCASS been involved? if not,they need to be

I honestly have to say the adult I admire the most in this whole scenario is scatterbee's ex.

He is looking after a wee girl pretty much full time

He hasn't screwed around, had an affair, or anything.

But oh dear Lord Above the poor poor children

I have posted on your other thread also.

OP Your heart seems to be in the right place and all you want to do is just help your partner, but I am in NO WAY encouraging you to continue doing so.

You have at this point in time issues of your own, you have your own DD to think about and if Im honest she should be the MOST important person in YOUR life. NOT your DP OR HIS kids!!!!!

OP your partner seems to be behaving like a spoilt little child!!

What is worse is that it seems that he has you well and truly sucked in, believing that he is a 'poor, innocent, hard done by man' who is being mistreated by his Wicked, Evil Ex.

Its probarbly no use me or anyone telling you this, as it seems he has done his work on getting you to believe his story. Thats why you will not be able to see through him yet!
That is until you are able to look beyond what he WANTS you to believe.

He seems like the perfect Dominator, he wants to do his thing with you and still keep control over his ex, your better off getting away from now and staying away. Otherwise you will only regret it at a later stage....:-(

Op the best thong you can do for you dp is to help him see all of this from his exs pov. Imgaine that your ex has done everything that you have described here. He's had a affair, he's left you and the kids, he's messed around with arrangements to see the kids leaving you to pick up the pieces again, he moved further away when he can't even drive and the when he has the kids one weekend he dumps them on someone else so he can get pissed, is late bringing them back you have no idea if he is planning to return them and then you get a call from the police he's been stopped for drink driving with the kids in the car. And that's just the highlights! Do you really think that you would be accomodating? Please help him see it from the kids and the exs pov, cause those poor little children must be as confused as he'll and no wonder they don't want to talk to him.

I hope you are not planning on having kids with this waste of air, given your and his previous form who could they rely on?

You fucked up on such a scale I can't find even the tiniest bit of sympathy for you. Dump the tosser, sort your life out alone and then work very very hard for your daughter to forgive you, you don't deserve her forgiveness but she does.

There are ways to end a marriage that don't involve dumping your kids and shacking up with a creep.

This man sounds vile. Why is he having anger management op ? Has he ever been aggressive to you or his ex ?

Your not the first person to make this mistake op and you wont be the last , but as others say , it is totally fixable .